I suggest you go check yourself into your local ER and report this immediately! I am speaking from experience here. One more stressor could be the one, that "last straw" that "breaks the camel's back." There is NO shame in this!!! And don't even "buy into" that garbage if someone tries to lay it on you!
Please do it, it sounds like you are in a CRISIS situation!!!
You will get the help you need there! And they have the therapies and counseling that you need to continue on upon your return home ... without feeling this horrible despair!
(((HUGS))) and you are in my prayers!!!
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;"
"in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."
"Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil."
"This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones."