Post-Traumatic Divorce

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JazzyJB
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 3/28/2006 1:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello to those who feel the need to assist....
 
I am one of those typical guys that can't understand his wife, which led to many misunderstandings and eventually divorce.
 
Now, I reget what has happened and can't accept it.  I have had thoughts of suicide like running my truck into a bridge or semi or just making a big scene on the freeway overpass - to get some attention.
 
But through it all, my now ex-wife seems to have slight interest in keeping me.  But the mess I did during separation and a few trips I took after my divorce seems to keep me in the dog house.  She can't forgive and move on.  (and.. no it didn't involve another woman)  She and I both know we could be good for each other.
 
I have allowed myself to forgive her for whatever she did or didn't do in the past.  I know and have reached that point in my life where I refuse to hold anything against her.  But she on the other hand will continuously bring things up she's trying to analyze and whoa, don't let me leave an airline ticket receipt laying around for her to see.  My tail is in trouble!
 
But I feel I can't pursue life without her.  YES!!! There are some very nice, sweet and attractive women her in the big D.  But I know I still love her and I can't bring myself to look at another woman until I can rid myself of this ex-wife psychosis.
 
She's really not a beauty queen, but to me she's more than that.  But I screwed up!  I hate that my life has come to this!!!!
 
First of all, I know I must give her space to figure out what she wants.  But while I wait, what am I suppose to do?  I can't sit alone and wonder what she's doing without forcing myself to call her.  But know I must stop communicating with her.  It's hard.
 
It's hard to not send her a text message or email telling her how I feel, etc.  But when I was allowed to move back home, (3 times since Oct) I can feel she still has issues with me and it bothers me.  So being the man that I am.. I will react first then think!  I feel ackward being in the house and not being legally married.
 
Another part of me feels so insecure, I can't go an hour or so without trying to call her and find out where she's at, etc.  UGH!!!! This sucks!!!!!
 
Now I see why there is so much domestic violence or estranged hubby's killing their ex-wives, etc.  I never hurt her physically, but I see I ruined things mentally between us for now.
 
Dang, where the hell is cupid now?
 
If you think i'm headed to destroying myself without notice, please help!  LOL  I'm going crazy.
 
 
 
JB

els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 3/28/2006 3:37 PM (GMT -7)   

Hey JazzyJB,  First let me welcome you to Healing Well forum.

I am sorry about your divorce.  I know it is a difficult thing to do as I am divorce myself.  As I was reading your post it almost sounded as if my ex-husband had wrote it, it sounded so familiar to me.  I will tell you a little secret about women...they have the longest memory known to man.  Meaning if you did or said something twelve years ago one time that hurt her feelings she is going to remember it.  Any kind of mental abuse is much more damaging than physical. 

Anyway, have you tried counseling?  The hardest thing to do at the end of a relationship is to believe it is over and get over it.  However, there are a lot of people who do get back together after divorce.  But if you dont resolve what the problem was to begin with than you are just rehashing everything all over again.  I would suggest if you and your ex want to get back together than try couples counseling.  If not than you can go on your own to learn how to deal with divorce.  There are churches that have what is called Divorce Care Counseling for men and women who are newly divorced to learn how to deal with it and their feelings on it.  So this can also help.

Hurting yourself is not the answer especially if you are thinking of doing it to get your ex wife's attention so she will come running back to you.  There are never any guarantees in life.... I am posting this website to you just in case you feel that you need it......
 
~elisha
Cats are like potato chips ~ you can't have just one
 


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 3/28/2006 8:42 PM (GMT -7)   
Wow atedogs,  25 years....you give some of us hope :-)    Congratulations....
~elisha
Cats are like potato chips ~ you can't have just one
 


JazzyJB
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 3/30/2006 8:00 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for your replies!
 
I just have to realize reality and make sure I can hang tough.
 
We talked about it some more and she wants us to take time to find ourselves.  I don't know if I should take that as an excuse to not want the relationship back together, or if she is really considering it.  Or maybe she's watching me to see if I skip town on her again or not make myself available to help her with the kids, etc.  UGH!
 
This is scary.  I know I love her and I don't want to lose her.  But sooner or later  this surely will turn into anger.  I don't want to be angry with her for what she feels is right for her.
 
But anyway, I'm joining the health club and focusing on playing my bass guitar.  I am trying to stay out of her way for now.  I told her she can call upon me to see if I'm available to help her around house with yard work, etc.
 
I like the idea of allowing her to "wonder" maybe that's going to help.  I know it seemed I got  more attention out of her when I left town.
 
Dang.  I miss her.  sad I can't go an hour in the day without thinking about her or wanting to see how she's doing.  Ok, I know I have to refrain.
 
Wow, I wonder if this is really worth it all?
 
Oh well, thanks for your support.
 
JB

Brenda68
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2012
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 4/24/2012 4:53 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Jazzy,
have you considered marriage counseling? Maybe a support group can help both! seems like shes not ready to let you go yet, so outside help may have better results

Jim1969
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 2042
   Posted 4/25/2012 10:55 AM (GMT -7)   
Brenda, this post is 6 years old and the person who started this thread has not posted since then.
2 confirmed herniated lumbar discs. Spinal Arthritis. Spinal Stenosis, diabetic peripheral nueropathy.
Moderator Depression Forum.
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