Hello to those who feel the need to assist....
I am one of those typical guys that can't understand his wife, which led to many misunderstandings and eventually divorce.
Now, I reget what has happened and can't accept it. I have had thoughts of suicide like running my truck into a bridge or semi or just making a big scene on the freeway overpass - to get some attention.
But through it all, my now ex-wife seems to have slight interest in keeping me. But the mess I did during separation and a few trips I took after my divorce seems to keep me in the dog house. She can't forgive and move on. (and.. no it didn't involve another woman) She and I both know we could be good for each other.
I have allowed myself to forgive her for whatever she did or didn't do in the past. I know and have reached that point in my life where I refuse to hold anything against her. But she on the other hand will continuously bring things up she's trying to analyze and whoa, don't let me leave an airline ticket receipt laying around for her to see. My tail is in trouble!
But I feel I can't pursue life without her. YES!!! There are some very nice, sweet and attractive women her in the big D. But I know I still love her and I can't bring myself to look at another woman until I can rid myself of this ex-wife psychosis.
She's really not a beauty queen, but to me she's more than that. But I screwed up! I hate that my life has come to this!!!!
First of all, I know I must give her space to figure out what she wants. But while I wait, what am I suppose to do? I can't sit alone and wonder what she's doing without forcing myself to call her. But know I must stop communicating with her. It's hard.
It's hard to not send her a text message or email telling her how I feel, etc. But when I was allowed to move back home, (3 times since Oct) I can feel she still has issues with me and it bothers me. So being the man that I am.. I will react first then think! I feel ackward being in the house and not being legally married.
Another part of me feels so insecure, I can't go an hour or so without trying to call her and find out where she's at, etc. UGH!!!! This sucks!!!!!
Now I see why there is so much domestic violence or estranged hubby's killing their ex-wives, etc. I never hurt her physically, but I see I ruined things mentally between us for now.
Dang, where the hell is cupid now?
If you think i'm headed to destroying myself without notice, please help! LOL I'm going crazy.