New To Depression - scared

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luckybamboo
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 4/5/2006 8:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Everyone :)
 
I have recently found this board through a google search, and can relate to the things I read. So here I go. I have recently been diagnosed with clinical depression. Over the last 6 months, I have been through quite a bit. Mostly just losing a pet due to cancer, and than losing a 5 year relationship with my boyfriend.  I have a lot of areas in my life that need to be changed, and things in my past that are defintely results of the way I am today. I have very little friends, and not much family. The relationship I have with my mother isnt the strongest. My boyfriend and dogs were my world, and family for 5 years. Now my life has been turned upside down and Ive felt lows Ive never thought I would feel.
 
I am in therapy, started about a month ago. That does seem to be helping, although we havent even touched the part of my breakup. At this point the boyfriend and I are trying to work on things, and plan on getting into counseling once I feel Im ready. I want to get some of my own therapy first.
 
Most recently the feelings I have are more of low self esteem, low self worth, and alone feelings. Its hard for me to see that my boyfriend has this great support system of friends, and I really have no one. Its like I get jelous that he has this great group of friends. Hanging out with him, and just being there for him. I dont seem to want anything to do with these people, and they really dont want anything to do with me. Its probably just me being insecure and stand offish. This past weekend I hung out with my boyfriend and his friends, and I felt like an outside the whole time. Im probaly just imagining things this way, but none of them really would even hold a conversation with me.
 
 He seems to be fine, while Im falling apart. I feel so alone, confused, and helpless. Often I think...why am I bothering with our relationship. He doesnt need me. Its like I see these people replacing me. This is where you can tell I relied way to much on him to fulfill my  needs.
 
Im probalby not making much sense, just typing as the words come to my head.
 
Any helpful words you can spare?
 
 

els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 4/5/2006 10:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi luckybamboo,  I don't know if I have any words of wisdom for you but I can tell you that I have often felt the same way you have described in your post.  Even right down to the dog who died, mine was a Shih-Tzu that died last March 05 she was 11 yrs old and my baby girl.  It sounds as if you are taking the right steps being in therapy and working on your relationship.  Really in the end your the only one who can say what is right for you and going to make you feel better.  As far as the friend thing is concerned perhaps you can try to join a gym or take some classes your interested in to meet people and make yourself be outgoing and forward.  Maybe if you had some friends of your own you wouldn't feel so alone.  But in the mean time you have friends here, keep posting........

~elisha~ 
 
ways to help support healing well:
 
 


krocks
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 33
   Posted 4/7/2006 6:52 AM (GMT -7)   
Been there done that.  You didn't go much into why your relationship failed.  However I can tell you I spent 5 years with a man and thought we were going to get married.  One day he started choking me and I passed out.  When I came to he still had his hands around my neck.  I've never experienced violence before and it scared the crap out of me.  I moved back home with a relative and not even 3 weeks later I got back with him.  It didn't last because everytime I looked at him I would think of what he did to me.  No matter how many times he swore it would never happen again I didn't believe him.  It was weird starting my life over again.  I had lost some friends because I was with him and didn't keep in touch with anyone else.  Your situation is probably different, and if you guys truly want to get back together just make sure you have friends, family and a good support group to talk with.  His friend's are your friends too.  Maybe you just need to be more yourself when you are around them.  Remind them you are fun and your boyfriend will remember everything about you he fell in love with.  Take your time with the relationship.  If it is not meant to be there are several other fish in the sea.  Don't make any hasty decisions right now.  KROCKS
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