Hi avaroo, I wanted to welcome you to Healing Well forum. I see that you have already received some excellent advice so far from Brownleaf and Lyn. When I am in a deep depression I too tend to not eat and focus on how my body feels. Every ache and pain seems to be intensified which is weird but when you are drawing into yourself you will notice things you normally wouldn't. I also would dwell on the thought of wishing I was never born and I had no purpose in life. I would cry pretty much all the time and wouldn't talk anyone and isolate myself. However, for me I always tend to come to a point where I say or think that I have torchered myself enough and go to the doctor for medication intervention. And each time I am grateful as I truly believe that antidepressants have saved my life and given me back a quality of life that I would not of had otherwise.
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Hi Avaroo, The next time you go see your psychiatrist you may want to ask her point blank what your actual diagnosis is. The reason being for that is this...Geodon (this is the correct spelling) is a relatively new medication and it is prescribed for Bipolar Mania or Schizophrenia. Also, as atedogs stated in her post Depakote is either prescribed for Seizures or Bipolar. Yes, it can be cross used for other diagnoses but you wont see it used for depression hardly ever. I think that for you to be able to work with a physician and them to correctly communicate with you and prescribe your medications they need to make sure that you are informed of your diagnosis and what your dealing with up front. It is in no way your fault but with her say "its a mood disorder" doesnt even come close explaining to you what diagnosis she has reached.
As for the ex boyfriend the only thing I can say is that if he has not done anything to warrant termination of employment than that shouldn't be an issue. This is why it is cautioned not to get involved or have romantic involvements in the workplace as when the relationship ends it tends to get uncomfortable. Maybe you could go out with some friends and try to socialize some perhaps this would make you feel better. Try to do something nice just for yourself and concentrate on yourself instead of some guy. Take care and let us know how it goes....