Breeze, As much as I would love to make all of this right for you I cant and neither can anyone else here. We don't have the magic words for you and perfect insight. It seems from what you have stated, that you so much on your shoulders and that your relationship with this man is shaky and unreliable. So you want to continue the relationship with the man but he is giving you mixed signals and making you even more confused then you are ready are. I would say that you need to decide what you want out of your life and not have it hinge or revolve around some guy. There are lots of single parents out there so if you want to keep your baby you can and you can tell him he doesn't have to have any responsibility for it at all. Especially if even the thought of a child makes him suicidal. It sounds like he is manipulating you and the situation to get what he wants, in my opinion. But I dont know him so. I would think about
what you want very carefully then talk to him. Also, you may want to speak to your counselor about
this before you make any decisions.