Shynsassy, You are so courageous for writing that letter. I am proud of you for that and wish I had that in me to do. The one person in this world you are supposed to be able to trust and love without boundaries is your mother. We are always here for you....
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Hi Shyn, It took a lot of courage for you to write that letter, no matter if you send it or not. You got it out and that is what is the most important.
You know, I was sexually abused by my stepfather from the ages of 3 to 11. To even type it makes me sick to my stomach. My mom didnt know what was happening as he said he would kill her and us, meaning my little brother and I. My brother ended up telling the school counselor and she called the police one day at school. We never saw him again. We were taken away for 2 weeks until DFS determined that mom really didnt have anything to do with it and didnt know. Stepfather went to jail but ended up getting a very good lawyer and got himself to psych hospital in St.Joe MO. Judge sentenced him to 6 months in hospital and 6 years probation. Yet I got a life sentence! He had to register as a sex offender but they didnt have the laws that they do now, so it was only for 10 yrs. This happened back in 1985. After he got out of the hospital he hooked up with a women that was a mutual friend of him of my mom's (she know what had happened but didnt believe it) they got married. She also had a little girl I am not sure how old she was though. He ended up molesting her too. And is once again on Kansas City's Sex Offender Registry. He is still married to this women..... and lives 3 miles from my grandma. I have forgiven myself and stopped blaming myself for what happened to me as it wasnt my fault. But I dont know how to forgive him, I dont think I will ever be able to, I have too much rage. I cant talk to my mom about it as she carries alot of guilt for bring him into our lives.
Shy, You are so right, men like that do repeat their crimes without a second thought. They have no remorse for what they are doing or what they have done or destroyed. I dont believe that our laws will ever in my live time at least come up with a punishment fit enuf for a child sex offender. You watch the news and see it all over the place these men being out on parole early and repeating their crimes against children or not even registering. The one thing that does give me peace with it all is that one day he will have to answer for his crimes unfortuantely, it wont be in this lifetime.
brownleaf, Thank you for that...I am glad to know I am not the only one who has written something then felt that overwhelming need to destroy it. As if that just wipes it all away...wouldn't that be nice .. Funny thing is that now after all these years I can honestly say that my past has made me who I am, what I am and a strong women because of it.
Leigh Ann, Thank you so much for your kind words. I have thought of a support group but I still have trouble discussing it with my therapist in private. It's been over 20 years and I still cant seem to overcome the psychological effects this had on me. There are things, terrible things that I have not ever spoken of or written, they just wont come out. I am afraid that if they did they would be violent, ugly and destructive. So I sit here keeping very tight control on my emotions and thoughts. My mom wants to understand and wants me to talk to her about it but I feel guilty and dont want to hurt her as I know she blames herself for it happening. So it really isnt her not trying to understand, its me.