Hi Lindz, I wanted to welcome you to Healing Well forum first off. We have lots of people here that are really supportive and always willing to help. We also have quite a few teens so your not alone in that either.
It is difficult and hurtful with you don't get the response that you need out of friends when you tell them something like what you told your friend. I too had this same problem with my friends and so called boyfriends and I ended up where I just wouldn't tell them anything at all. I am master of holding in my feelings and burying things then torching myself for the way that I feel. With a lot of years of counseling and medication I have gotten better with that. Have you spoken to your friend about this? Told her that she hurt your feelings when she said that?
I noticed you hinted at is an eating disorder. If I am wrong please do correct me. I am glad that you are seeing a doctor and talking to someone about these issues.
So, you really like this guy I wondered if it was that you wanted to date him and get close to him as he is cute and you have a crush on him. Or you feel that he would be receptive to your feelings and what your going through.
I hope that some other members will post to you to give you some different perspectives here. We are always here for you.....Hugs
Thanks Els and Marla!
I do sometimes think he is a jerk--he didn't call me back even when he remembered that I called! But then I remember all the things that I like about him, it's like involuntary, I just think about how great he is, I'm sure I overexaggerate it in my head but still, he seems so nice and funny and cute, in my head. But yeah it's true that it's not just about him, it's about me feeling desirable, and I want him to desire me. Now I'm thinking, he doesn't, and I feel really unattractive when I think about that. I've never felt attractive until this year because I got a nose job. It's changed me a lot more than my parents and friends thought it would. They were like, "Don't get your hopes up, it's not gonna change your life." But it did. I'm not repulsed when I look in the mirror anymore. I still have weight issues and still occasionally think I'm ugly, but only when I study myself too much in a magnifying mirror and from a million different angles, which is a really bad habit that I have. I'm never content to just glance at the mirror and think I look okay. I have to make sure I look good from every possible perspective. It's really exhausting and time-consuming.
I'm going to a movie with another guy tomorrow though. Even though I don't like him in that way (yet) I'm hoping it will at least make me realize some guys like my company. It will be my first date, really.
I actually don't have an eating disorder, except maybe compulsive overeating, I definitely do that. But I sedate myself with drinking. Starting today though I'm not going to--I talked to my doc and he used to think I could do it in moderation with my friends (because I tend to do it alone when I feel really horrible), but not anymore. Even though I feel disappointed, I know in a larger way it's the best thing to do.
Thanks for the replies I really appreciate them!!
Hi Lindz, Thanks for replying back and clarifying somethings. Sometimes it is so easy to draw conclusions from the smallest little thing and it isn't always correct. I understand what you mean about checking yourself out in the mirror at all different angles...I do this to and have since high school (I'm 32 now). I was a cheerleader for 3 years and worried that my legs were to chubby or my stomach hung out over my skirt and this was really when I first started to notice doing this. I didn't even go out for the team my senior year because of all the stress of it. I was also on volleyball and track team and quite fit, I can only say this now as I know that what the real problem was for me was Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I still struggle with it daily, picking out clothes to wear everyday is difficult and shopping is a chore. Also, eating is something that I struggle with, I am always concerned with calories, fat and carbs. I am much better on my antidepressant and an anti-anxiety medication. The only thing I can say is there is no such thing as perfect, just try to make yourself happy.
It also took me a while to realize that seldom would I ever get the kind of response or feedback that I needed or expected out of a guy. And teenage boys are in a whole different class of their own. Have a wonderful time on your date....
Post Edited (Lindz0989) : 5/1/2006 10:00:26 PM (GMT-6)
Hi Lindz,I'm an old man (49) and i've been depressed since i was 13. I'm glad you know you are depressed and are getting help now. I was depressed for years but didn't know I was depressed. I just thought I was inadequit or somthing was wrong with me as a person. I thought I was a bad person. I would tell my family that I felt depressed and they would just say "you have to just snap out of it". Damm I hate that response. Once my father had migrains for a week so I got my revenge. I said "dad, you have to just snap out of it" while he was lying on the couch holding his head. Anyway, I'm glad you are here and I wish the best for you. Please be careful with your eating habits. An eating disorder can be as deadly as drug addiction. Please talk to your Dr about it and be very honest.
hey there Lindz
my name is judi.Im 19.
Thanks Freeloader, my parents have tried to be pretty receptive but only recently have they really understood how bad it is. That's also because I hid some things from them. But I've told them about the drinking. They're more concerned, I think they're really worried and I feel bad about that, but at least they know how bad it is now. Over the last couple days I've really cleaned up my eating habits though, I've been eating really well and I'm gonna try to keep it up as long as possible.
Hi Judi, yeah some of my friends are really sympathetic but the friend I mentioned earlier, who somehow has become the central friend in my life, has no clue how to talk to a depressed person. I'm gonna have to try to distance myself from her, because I can tell very soon she will do that to me. Maybe she already started.
When I talk to my friends about the guy I like, it seems like such a possibility because it's proof that the situation is real, but I can't help but wonder if I'm just giving myself false hope. It kills me that he might not feel like this about me. I really, really like him...I've never liked anyone this way.