Hi emmie_25, I wanted to tell you welcome to the forum. Thank you for trusting us enuf to tell us alittle about yourself and what your going through. I know it is very hard to do. Are you seeing a counselor or psychiatrist? If not perhaps it may be a good idea. I sounds like you are punishing yourself and putting a lot of blame onto your own shoulders.
I didnt go through the same thing as you being raped, but I was molested for many years by my stepfather starting at the age of 3 until I was 11. So, I to went through all the self punishment and guilt and hatred. But no matter what never is it your fault or worth your life. Depression can make you feel as you described, I hope you call for help....Take care and keep posting....
Post Edited (els) : 4/27/2006 4:34:24 PM (GMT-6)