How can he still work?

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Lynds
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 35
   Posted 5/7/2006 2:59 AM (GMT -7)   
My boyfriend seems to be feeling worse.. I have a key to his house but noticed he took it off my keyring and said just to phone. I even just wanted to go round to cook or do his washing/ironing, but I'm not disagreeing with anything he says at the moment.
 
He has no tone in his voice anymore, if I try and tell him something cheerful thats happened he just says, 'oh how nice for you!' he's not eating ... and sleeping more than usual. He has crohns so struggles to keep weight on anyway, and it's only since he's known me and we make quite a big thing out of cooking/eating out has he kept a good weight.
 
He talks about things being easier if he just wasn't here. It may seem obvious but can I ask...
 
Am I supposed to brush over him saying things like that so not to highlight them or am I stupid not to panic if he sounds suicidal. How is he managing work everyday if he really felt like that? Can you cover your depression up in front of the right people?
 
Surely if someone feels suicidal you'd just go away and do it, is telling me just his way of saying how bad he feels? I think he feels he deserves to feel down because of mistakes he's made, maybe he's trying to punish himself.
 
Who knows...as you can see I'm starting to read into things now but have no idea what I'm doing!
 
Lyndsey xx
'We all have a cross to bare, it's how we carry it that counts'


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 5/7/2006 3:26 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi ya Lyndsey, 
 
It is very possible for someone who is depressed to continue working and cover up their depression to a point where most people wouldn't know or suspect it.  I did for many years.  I worked for a private mental health agency as a supervisor of two facilities for a little over 10 years.  I had a wide range of clients with severe mental health problems like schizophrenia, borderline personality disorders, bipolar.  I had several close friends that I worked with that knew I had depression also my supervisors did too, it never was an issue.  I was really good at what I did so there was never any problems. 
 
There are really two groups you can classify people with depression in high functioning.  Those that get up everyday go to work, pay their bills, do what has to be done to survive.  You can see the signs of depression if you really look for it but the person can easily mask it. 
Then you have the low functioning depressive (I dont mean this to offend anyone).  These are the ones who basically cant get out of bed to go to work, dont shower and take care of themselves, dont pick up around their house or pay any bills.  They are totally engrossed in their depression. 
 
If you think he may suicidal then depending on where you live...there isnt much you can do to help him unless he actually does hurt himself in someway.  I can post some links on suicide & depression for you to look at from HW, perhaps if he has internet and you like you can e-mail them to him...maybe he will look at them.  Just let him know your there for him and be as supportive as you can.  I know its hard for someone who hasnt had depression to understand it and get a grasp on what is going on with the person you love.  Hang in there...things will get better.
 


 


Lynds
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 35
   Posted 5/7/2006 11:43 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi there,
 
Thanks again for the links, there is alot of help out there if you know where to look I see. Quite ironic he won't take any of it ...yet !
 
Thanks for clearing that up about 2 different types of sufferers, I know full well he can't be like this at work as he's in car sales so has to seem upbeat... it wasn't nice thinking all this was deliberately for me.
 
I'm going to stay with my friend for 3 days tomorrow, he already thinks I'm going 'just' to moan about him and go out to find a new boyfriend. Sometimes I stay at his house alot but it does start to consume me and people are noticing I'm down, I'm not gonna push my friends or family away at a time like this, they are what keep me going.  It will be interesting to see what he's like when i give him a quick call from my friends house.
 
Have a good day
 
Lyndsey x
 

'We all have a cross to bare, it's how we carry it that counts'

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