I should not care but I do and then go down down down

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ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 5/11/2006 5:30 AM (GMT -7)   
I thought I was doing pretty good with the depression.
Then someone says something that I should just ignore but of course it hits me hard.
I do not have a good relationship with my Aunts and Uncles,but I try to send a Christmas card every year with no response from them. They do not get along with my mom,and since I am her daughter..well you know the drill.
Anyway,I received a Graduation card from my cousin. I do not have the money to send him as my daughter is also graduating in 2 weeks. And I am not able to go to his party as it is a 3 hour drive and the party is from 4 to 9.
SO,I am sending him a card and writing a little note but that is it. I can just imagine what the gossip will be since I did not send money. I hope they do not get pissy and take it out on my daughter and not even send her a card.
My Grandparents are done with us as it seems. That hurts alot,but I deal with it.
See,about 4 years ago my son was on meds for bipolar. My Grandparents must have told my Aunts and Uncles who LIVE to gossip (they are all from a very small town). So,we went up there one Easter and during the visit my son came to me crying saying he wanted to go home. He would not tell me why,so I thought he did not feel good. Once we were "safely" out of town (he says he did this because he knows that I would have marched right back into the house to deal with the situation) he told me that his cousin had said something about his meds. And,my family was basically totally ignoring him the whole time. He tried to talk to them and they just looked the other way. So,I got home and called my mom,who in turn freaked out,and called EACH of my Aunts and basically told them they were pieces of ****. Well that was it,they got my Grandparents involved,and then everything that everyone had ever been mad at the other person came out.
I am afraid that something is going to happen to my Grandparents and my mom is going to have regrets for the rest of her life. And I am going to be upset because I have been trying to reach out to them with no avail.
Life is too short for all of this and I wish they would all get a clue.
There is more about my mom and Grandparents but I do not have time to get to that right now.
Anyway..................geesh
Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia


els
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Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 5/11/2006 6:21 AM (GMT -7)   

Oh Shy,  I totally understand family dysfunction.  My family sounds a lot like yours and they could go on the Dr. Phil show or Montel...whatever.  I have several that don't speak to one another, there are several I don't talk to and it is a vicious cycle.  Your right life is way to short for the pettiness and fighting.  Unfortunately, some people hold on to past hurts and harbor resentment for years and years.  By the time they are able to over come it, if they ever do, it usually is too late as the relationship has completely broken down.

However,  even though they are family if they are toxic to you and your kids than by all means cut them out.  You do have a right to stick up for you beliefs and to be treated with respect and dignity.  If they are not able to do this then what is the point of continuing a relationship with them?  It really sounds as if you are being the better person and doing what you can by sending cards and reaching out.  They cant even acknowledge this by returning the favor.  Try to not let it get to you, I know it is hard especially when there are family functions times coming up.  Your a wonderful person and a good mother and your doing what you can.  If they cant understand that then it is their problem.

Hugs ~ Elisha



 


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 5/11/2006 4:51 PM (GMT -7)   
Elisha
Maybe I am just extra emotionable today.... I am not sure. But your words gave me the butterfly feeling in my stomach and tears of "relief" does that make sense at all? LOL .... I am woman hear me PMS! ;)
Thank you for your insight!!! You are so right that is for sure.
Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia


brownleaf
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 765
   Posted 5/11/2006 6:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Shy,
Totally agree with Elisha, are you sure you arn't buying into this stuff as a way to add punishment on yourself, for once let these people come to you, be your family, if they don't then you are fighting and hurting yourself for nothing, let the people who love you...Love you, let the tight rope go slack on the family stuff for a while, let them chase you for a while, if they don't, well then theres nothing you can do to change that, but i bet if you just ignore them, sooner or later they will come looking, think of you, because you are all you got, keep you strong and accept that some things need to be traded in for something better and that includes family,
I can understand its harder with Direct family members, but the rest you dont need, not like that.
have a good think about what you can live with out and what you dont want and get rid of or change what wieghs you down,
I really hate seeing people with big hearts being pulled down, made to feel less, and you have a big heart, and a shinny spirit thats just waiting for you to find it

james73
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 200
   Posted 5/11/2006 7:44 PM (GMT -7)   
Ditto On agreeing with elisha,
You are so much better of a person than you aunts and uncles ,You dont need there bull.... in your life .Just concentrate on your family and dont worry about the extended family..as they are the ones with the issues .I have a similar problem with all my in-laws and the way around it for us was we cut them out ...stopped visiting etc...it has helped with my wifes anxiety/depression ..they are very critical people and pick everything apart..something we dont need in our lives ...
I really hope you are feeling better,and try not to be so hard on yourself you and your son did nothing wrong .

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.


SnowyLynne
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 1539
   Posted 5/11/2006 8:12 PM (GMT -7)   
I have family like yours I just ignore them & go on.They not worth getting upset over in my book.
SnowyLynne


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 5/12/2006 5:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Yes I agree. I think the ones that hurt the most are my Grandparents. While growing up they are the ones that took care of me most of the time since my mom....well she did not want to be a mom.
BUT
When my mom became pregnant with me,my Grandmother made her put me up for adoption.
My mom came at got me when I was a year old I guess (they are very slack on telling me the whole story,but I think I have a right to know). After my mom came and got me,my Grandmother would not have anything to do with me. My Grandfather is the one that broke the ice. And I must have stole his heart because after that we were together all of the time. Once my Grandmother finally got over it,then it was the same with her. I did not find out about this until about 2 years ago. And it was a comment my mom made while she was upset with my Grandparents. I think there is alot more to the story,and probably many more stories about my mom/me that I do not know. But,I still think I have a right to know. Maybe things that will explain to me why I can not remember birthday parties,Christmas until I was about 8. Most of my childhood is a complete blank. I guess I am just looking for answers,and I think that is why they all have stopped talking to my mom as they know the answers and are very resentful to her about her past.
Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia


james73
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 200
   Posted 5/12/2006 8:00 PM (GMT -7)   

Shy,

My thoughts and prayers are with you ,I hope you remain strong and focus on you and your sonand daughter and just your immediate family ,I know how difficult it is to have secrets hidden from you  .It eats at you and you want to know what ?why? ...but dont let them all get you down .You dont need it

stay strong

J


God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

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