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els
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Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 5/15/2006 1:42 PM (GMT -7)   
Wow!! This is our 3rd positive thread...That's great guys!! tongue  


 


els
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Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 5/16/2006 7:24 AM (GMT -7)   

Oh my gosh ate, that is wonderful!!  We have wild geese here that are all tagged by the conservation and the drivers have to stop while they walk across the road.  Of course you always have that one jerk who refuses to stop...but you do get a fine if you run them over.  I hate animal abuse of any kind.  And here in the south you hear all kinds of stories... 

I take walks everyday and this one route I go is by a conversation area...I have been pulling turtles off the road all this week.  I don't know why they want to cross the road eyes



 


els
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Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 5/16/2006 7:28 AM (GMT -7)   

Never choke in a restaurant in the South...

Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot of whiskey, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.

 

One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin ya swallar?" The woman shakes her head no. "Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no. The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.

 

As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar. His partner says, Ya  know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver', but I ain't never seed nobody do it!"



 


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 5/18/2006 4:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Good morning everyone....I thought this was funny and kind of odd tongue
 

"Consumer's Guide", Sears, Roebuck and Co. (1897)

If you don't find it in the Index,look very carefully through the entire catalogue.



 


brownleaf
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 765
   Posted 5/18/2006 4:56 AM (GMT -7)   
Ive been a bit quiet, so thought i'd throw this in, havent had time to tidy it up,

I look at the trees down my quiet path, and listen to the breeze through the leaves wispering, God is here i thought
I look up at the sky, beautiful and blue, and the white puffy clouds that drift without worry, changing all the time,
I watch the rabbits bobbing their little heads above the grass, and the birds singing, i hear the world singing a beautiful song of silence, and read stories that make me smile, and God is here too i thought, in all these places,
I met a man, his colour dark, and another who knealt to the east, and some that seemed unsure but i thought God is here
I stood before an ocean, a place where life begun, felt small and humbled by its power, in these waters something is reminding me, and i thought, God is here

Then I heard people argue, my God is the only God, My colour is the colour of a greater man, and i heard politicians talk of freedom’s and seen people cover their fears, and i thought God is here too, if anyone is listening
Then i seen, the wars and the ugliness in many a heart, the waste put below the soil, like the earth was a carpet,, i seen, the hypocracy of those who urge us to believe, in contradictions and lies, how they change the meaning of what those who were great had to say, but i say, God is here,
i am not Christian, nor am i Muslum, i am neither Buddhist, Hindu or Jew, but still God is always here,

Akram
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 5/18/2006 5:39 AM (GMT -7)   
atedogs that was really cool what you did to the duck, be sure GOD will reward this work, nice and cute story :)
                                                     To be or not to Be


brownleaf
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 765
   Posted 5/19/2006 3:09 AM (GMT -7)   
"Tea Combat"

I like this story, but how others see it is just as interesting, think about it, the appearance of a particular trait, is often just that, and those we see exhibiting huge amounts of confidence, have huge ego's, are often are just giving the appearance of this, the trick i think is to stand beside what you consider your negative trait, accept it, but act anyway and make that trait something that you can use to build your life positively, hold your posture straight and carry what youre good at into everything you do or every experience you have


A master of the tea ceremony in old Japan once accidentally slighted a soldier. He quickly apologized, but the rather impetuous soldier demanded that the matter be settled in a sword duel. The tea master, who had no experience with swords, asked the advice of a fellow Zen master who did possess such skill. As he was served by his friend, the Zen swordsman could not help but notice how the tea master performed his art with perfect concentration and tranquility. "Tomorrow," the Zen swordsman said, "when you duel the soldier, hold your weapon above your head, as if ready to strike, and face him with the same concentration and tranquility with which you perform the tea ceremony." The next day, at the appointed time and place for the duel, the tea master followed this advice. The soldier, readying himself to strike, stared for a long time into the fully attentive but calm face of the tea master. Finally, the soldier lowered his sword, apologized for his arrogance, and left without a blow being struck.



......People's reactions to this story........

"Peace and tranquility are sometimes more powerful and intimidating than anything else."

"The tea master showed great courage. That's what stopped the soldier."

"The soldier bowed to the tea master because he had a higher level of confidence."

"If you are perceived as competent and able, you will be considered an equal."

"The story seems to suggest that it is the appearance of the tea master that deters the attack. He looks calm and confident, but it's an illusion. Simple illusions can defeat enemies."

"If you look like you know what you are doing, people will not think otherwise. Where I work all of the supervisors park inside the gate while everyone else parks outside. But if you act like you're SUPPOSED to be inside the gate and drive right through, the security guards won't stop you! It's a matter of confidence."

brownleaf
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 765
   Posted 5/19/2006 3:11 AM (GMT -7)   
Oh i forgot, Akram, how about posting some stories from your part of the world, i would love to read some, even poetry, proverbs etc, i know you have some wonderful old stories

els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 5/19/2006 8:05 AM (GMT -7)   

Yeah BL....I second that!! Akram, post something we know you are holding out tongue

I am only posting as I am blond and feel that I can make fun of my own self....at times I have been called or referred to as the typical dumb blond believe it or not....

The Jigsaw Puzzle

A blonde calls her husband at work one day and asks him, "Can you help me when you get home?"

"Sure," he replies. "What's the problem?"

"Well, I started a really hard puzzle and I can't even find the edge pieces."

"Look on the box," he said. "There's always a picture of what the puzzle is."

"It's a big rooster," she said.

The husband arrives home and tells his blonde wife, "Okay, put the corn flakes back in the box."



 


brownleaf
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Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 765
   Posted 5/19/2006 2:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Elisha,
Hell, i hope i don't offend anyone in my reply to the dumb blond, i have never met a dumb blond, i have found quite the opposite, however i have met a few that have changed the colour of their hair to blond "males incl" and then oddly start acting dumb "maybe theres something in the dye ?

els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 5/19/2006 2:49 PM (GMT -7)   
that's funny! I have know some people just like that...lol.  Actually, I have been known to change my hair on occasion due to boredom or just impulse and many people that I met have a hard time believing this is my true hair color....I often wonder why? Too much for me to figure out... 


 


brownleaf
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Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 765
   Posted 5/20/2006 4:02 AM (GMT -7)   
Come on Akram, we want a story from where you live,

brownleaf
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 765
   Posted 5/20/2006 5:05 AM (GMT -7)   
Some shorts things to think about with altering perceptions,

At times I go about pitying myself, when all the while I am being carried by great winds across the sky.
..............
Two monks were washing their bowls in the river when they noticed a scorpion that was drowning. One monk immediately scooped it up and set it upon the bank. In the process he was stung. He went back to washing his bowl and again the scorpion fell in. The monk saved the scorpion and was again stung. The other monk asked him, "Friend, why do you continue to save the scorpion when you know it's nature is to sting?"
"Because," the monk replied, "to save it is my nature."
..............
Consider the lilies of the field,
how they grow;
They toil not, neither do they spin;
And yet I say unto you,
that even Solomon in all his glory
was not arrayed like one of these.

els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 5/20/2006 7:30 AM (GMT -7)   

That is a great post to reflect on bl...I like the scorpion one.  I came across these this morning while doing some research for my criminology class and thought it was interesting...and kinda stupid

  • It is against the law to whale hunt in Oklahoma.
  • In Michigan, it is illegal to chain an alligator to a fire hydrant.
  • In Alabama it is illegal to carry a comb in your pocket, because it may be used as a weapon. This comes after a 13 year old boy was killed when he was stabbed with a comb.
  • On the island of Jersey it's against the law for a man to knit during the fishing season.


 


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 5/21/2006 3:24 PM (GMT -7)   

Telemarketer Repellant

1.       If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work, if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

2.       Say "no" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

3.       If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"

4.       If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog has the gout..."

5.       If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"

6.       Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" Hang up.

7.       Ask them to repeat everything they say several times.

8.       Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

9.       Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up . . . louder . . . louder . . .

10.    When the salesperson asks, "Is this the homeowner?" say, "Is this the salesperson?" And when they    

        say, "Yes," hang up.


Elisha

http://www.healingwell.com/donate


 


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 5/22/2006 10:51 AM (GMT -7)   
Carrie Underwood - Wasted
 
Standing at the back door
She tried to make it fast
One tear hit the hard wood
It felt like broken glass
She said sometimes love slips away
And you just can't get it back
Let's face it

For once this second
She almost turned around
But that would be like pouring rain
Back into a cloud
So she took another step and said
I see the way out and I'm gonna' take it

I don't wanna' spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted

Another glass of whisky and it still don't kill the pain
So he stumbles to the sink and pours it down the drain
He says it's time to be a man and stop living for yesterday
Face it.

Cause' I don't wanna' spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted

Oh I don't wanna' keep on wishing, missing
But still every morning' the color of the night
I ain't spending no more time
Wasted

She kept drivin' along
Till the moon and the sun were floating side-by-side
He looked in the mirror and his eyes were clear
For the first time in a while

Hey, yeah,
Oh, I don't wanna' spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted

Oh I don't wanna' keep on wishing, missing
But still every morning' the color of the night
I ain't spending no more time
Wasted

Oh, I don't wanna' spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted

Yeah, yeah
Oh I don't wanna' keep on wishing, missing
But still every morning' the color of the night
I ain't spending no more time
Wasted

Elisha

http://www.healingwell.com/donate


 


Akram
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 5/23/2006 12:40 AM (GMT -7)   
lol this is embarasing sorry i didn't know you were looking forward to what i could write , i'm confused a little about what should i write lol. does it have to be a story or just about our culture.

ok here goes, beside my house there is another house, the mother and father consievd a few children all can't heard or speak. their eldest boy decided to get married to a normal women from the country, not educated. after they had 3 children toghether. then she decided to divource i think she didn't want him anymore because of his ilness, how selfish. now his mother and father are helping him to raise those kids.

luckly now the boy married again recently to a women who is like him, i.e. she cant hear or speak
and they live happliy ever after.
                                                     To be or not to Be

Post Edited (Akram) : 5/23/2006 3:46:39 AM (GMT-6)


Annabanana
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 5/23/2006 1:38 AM (GMT -7)   
It's all in the puncuation:
An English professor wrote the words, "woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed his students to puncuate it correctly.
The men wrote:"Woman, without her man, is nothing"
The women wrote: "Woman: without her, man is nothing"

brownleaf
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 765
   Posted 5/23/2006 4:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Akram,
I knew of a couple very similar to your story, but they were only deaf, but the truth here is that in being deaf they had to take the time to understand what they communicated, rather than jump to conclusions, sometimes the mouth moves faster than the brain

Anna,
Interesting, but as i have always thought that it is Women who really rule this world, and Men just add their egos, and often our childhood war games, i have to agree with the Woman here, but hey i come from a country that was the first to give Women the right to vote, and several other basic rights, and now we have a Woman Prime Minister, I for one knows that i would be nothing without Women

brownleaf
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 765
   Posted 5/24/2006 5:19 AM (GMT -7)   
When you cannot see what is happening
Do not stare harder,
Relax and look gently with your inner eye "Lao Tzu"

The time came
when the risk it took
to remain tight in the bud
was more painful than
the risk it took to blossom "Anais Nin"

els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 5/25/2006 8:09 AM (GMT -7)   
A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on.

Finally he went to the check-out line, but she got in front of him. "Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who I haven't seen in a long time."

"That's a shame," replied the young man, "is there anything I can do for you?"

"Yes," she said, "As I'm leaving, can you say 'Good bye, Mother!'? It would make me feel so much better."

"Sure," answered the young man. So, when the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye, Mother!"

As he stepped up to the check-out counter, he saw that his total was $127.50. "How can that be?" he asked, "I only purchased a few things!"

The clerk replied, "Your mother said that you would pay for her."

Elisha

http://www.healingwell.com/donate


 


brownleaf
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 765
   Posted 5/26/2006 6:15 PM (GMT -7)   
"Kabul"

Oh, the beautiful city of Kabul wears a rugged mountain skirt,
And The rose is jealous of its lash-like thorns.
The dust of Kabul's blowing soil smarts lightly in my eyes,
But I love her, for knowledge and love both come from her dust.

I sing bright praises to her colourful tulips,
The beauty of her trees makes me blush.
How sparkling the water flows from Pul-i-Mastaan!
May Allah protect such beauty from the evil eye of man!

Khizr chose Kabul to Paradise,
For her mountains brought him near to heaven's delights.
The fort's dragon-sprawling walls guard the city well,
Each brick is more precious than the treasure of Shayagan.

Every street in Kabul fascinates the eye.
In the bazaars, Egypt's caravans pass by.
No one can count the beauteous moons on her rooftops,
And hundreds of lovely suns hide behind her walls.

Her morning's laugh is as gay as flowers,
Her dark nights shine like beautiful hair.
Her tuneful nightingales sing with flame in their notes,
Fiery songs like burning leaves, fall from their throats.

I sing to the gardens, Jahanara and Shahrara.
Even the Tuba of Paradise is Jealous of their greenery.

Mirza Muhammed Ali Saib

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 5/27/2006 5:19 AM (GMT -7)   
Great stories .........tales and funny things ......good to see u on number 3 already.......Els....Will need to get you addy for that disc........Email me please .......God Bless......Lyn


    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
 Let That Strong Spirit Be Your Guide 
 
 A real friend walks in when the rest of the world walks away
  
 
  
 

Post Edited (Lyn (Howlyncat)) : 5/27/2006 6:22:36 AM (GMT-6)


brownleaf
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Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 765
   Posted 5/30/2006 5:41 AM (GMT -7)   
That was a long way down to get to here,

if anyone thought they seen a thread by me up there and now its gone, well you weren't seeing things, i just didnt feel comfy with it so i deleted it.

Happy i found a short sentence i have spent 6 years trying to find, .....what you say,....... well its more a mantra, Yesterday every time i felt any pain i repeated it over and over many times "quietly", Today i have felt more like me than i have in the past few years,
Probably im the only one who'd get excited by this, but when have i ever thought like anyone else, if it works isnt that the important thing, well i think so, 2 very short moments of pain today, now that is near enough to being a miracle,
Im happy that at least one other person is using this and finding that it is helping,
also happy that an old dream is being taken up by someone, who will turn it into something special for a lot of teenagers

els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 5/30/2006 7:58 AM (GMT -7)   

A 90-year-old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day went out in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun." The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened?"

Dumbfounded, the old man replied "No." The doctor finished, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!" "That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that bear."

"That's kind of what I'm getting at," replied the doctor.


Elisha

http://www.healingwell.com/donate


 

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