Oh my gosh ate, that is wonderful!! We have wild geese here that are all tagged by the conservation and the drivers have to stop while they walk across the road. Of course you always have that one jerk who refuses to stop...but you do get a fine if you run them over. I hate animal abuse of any kind. And here in the south you hear all kinds of stories...
I take walks everyday and this one route I go is by a conversation area...I have been pulling turtles off the road all this week. I don't know why they want to cross the road
Never choke in a restaurant in the South... Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot of whiskey, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.
One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin ya swallar?" The woman shakes her head no. "Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no. The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.
As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar. His partner says, Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver', but I ain't never seed nobody do it!"
Yeah BL....I second that!! Akram, post something we know you are holding out
I am only posting as I am blond and feel that I can make fun of my own self....at times I have been called or referred to as the typical dumb blond believe it or not....
The Jigsaw Puzzle
A blonde calls her husband at work one day and asks him, "Can you help me when you get home?""Sure," he replies. "What's the problem?""Well, I started a really hard puzzle and I can't even find the edge pieces." "Look on the box," he said. "There's always a picture of what the puzzle is." "It's a big rooster," she said. The husband arrives home and tells his blonde wife, "Okay, put the corn flakes back in the box."
That is a great post to reflect on bl...I like the scorpion one. I came across these this morning while doing some research for my criminology class and thought it was interesting...and kinda stupid
1. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work, if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.
2. Say "no" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.
3. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"
4. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog has the gout..."
5. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"
6. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" Hang up.
7. Ask them to repeat everything they say several times.
8. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"
9. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up . . . louder . . . louder . . .
10. When the salesperson asks, "Is this the homeowner?" say, "Is this the salesperson?" And when they
say, "Yes," hang up.
Post Edited (Akram) : 5/23/2006 3:46:39 AM (GMT-6)
Post Edited (Lyn (Howlyncat)) : 5/27/2006 6:22:36 AM (GMT-6)
A 90-year-old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?" The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day went out in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun." The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened?" Dumbfounded, the old man replied "No." The doctor finished, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!" "That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that bear." "That's kind of what I'm getting at," replied the doctor.