I do not understand why I keep doing this to myself. I am a glutton for punishement I guess.
But,I wrote my Grandparents a letter. It was a general letter,just telling them about my new job,how my kids are doing,what we have been doing ect. I did not ASK them to write me back,nor did I put my phone number in the letter again (I have been doing that with all of my cards ect). I reminded them about my daughter's graduation too. Here is my decision,if they do not show up to her graduation,or send a card at least. Then I am walking away. I know I have to as I am reaching out to a brick wall it seems.
I know though that when something happens to them(they are 82 and 83) that I will have major guilt. I feel like I am missing out on their lives. I miss their laughs,I miss the Holiday's with them.
It seems that when I filed for divorce from my ex that my life has never been the same. Holiday's like I remember them,birthday parties ect.
I know that someday my current life will be "normal" to me. But for the last 4 years it just seems like chaos.
I used to plan everything in my life to a tee. But now it seems as if I never know what is going to happen from one day to the next.
I am getting the empty nest syndrome I think as my kids lives are so busy without me. That is to be expected I know. But life goes by so fast,and when you throw a wrench in it like divorce and moving to a smaller town....well it just seems like it will never be normal again.
I feel like I am going to wake up in 10 years with a panic attack wondering what in the world I did with my life and where will I be in another 10 years.
Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia