Reading everyone's posts, i feel like going back on meds for my depression. The thing is, I don't like my doctor! Ok, let me make it clear (actually I don't know how to explain it). well, at my place (state) here there's only one psychiatric hospital (meds cost is subsidised by gov) and there's like only 5 or 6 doctors there to treat thousands of patient with mental illness. So it's clear that they're so very extremely busy. And I assume that's why they don't really bother patient with common mental illness like depression as they give more attention to more serious illness like schizo or whatever.
When I told my doctor the meds i'm currently on are not helping me, he just said go on with your meds and referred me to a counsellor. When I told my counsellor that I feel like giving up with my meds he told me to talk to my doctor as maybe I need higer dose or new meds. See the cycle here?? So how can I get better if this cycle keep going on? I better stop seeing them as I know the result would be just the same!
And, I was once told by my doctor to stop making up story (or pretend) when I told him about
my increasing urges of self-harm!!(Do I need to show them to make them believe?) I was so very offended and i feel stupid for making me look so pathetic for them. I'm just an annoying, idiot, and faithless girl who irritates them!! - that's what I thought.
So can someone tell me, is it just me?? Is it just because of my impulsiveness or are they really being a lousy doctor??
I'd stopped going for my appointment as I hate to see them. But my mood swings are making me sick. I always had a bad day because of it. Not to mention the difficulty to sleep and oversleeping, lethargy, anxiety and sudden panic attack.They affect everything - my study, my work, my relationship, my health. Do we really need meds to get better??
(I told everyone not to be scared or hesitate to express their true feeling but seems like when it comes to my own feelings I can't say what I actually want to say as I fear to see how people may react to it.)
:: Chronic Major Depression :: BPD ::