Hi Hopes, I cant imagine coming from a big family like that. When I grew up it was just my brat little brother and I. Dreams/nightmares are very tricky to decipher. Sometimes they mean something and other times they dont. Perhaps you felt that the issues with your family where behind you as you stated but maybe they aren't. I can see where your coming from having learned that your mother's religion was the only thing keeping her from terminating her pregnancy. That would be something horrible to learn I am sure. My mom was 17 when I was born, I dont even know if she thought about an abortion or not. But as this point it really doesn't matter. Plus you got this info second hand, no matter how reliable the person may be. If it is bothering you to such an extent then ask your mom and try to find out what her state of mind was at the time. As for your brothers torcher of you and near smothering, the only thing I can say is that kids dont understand the extent to which they can hurt each other. I cant say if he did it on purpose or not or what he was thinking at the time but my brother and I used to hurt each other all the time not understanding the effect it would have. I once made him eat a red glass ball Christmas tree ornament, I told him it was an apple. He had to eat bread for over a week as he had little pieces of glass embedded in his cheeks, I was 7 and he was 3. He did mean things to me too so dont feel too sorry for him .
I would think you would want to take into account your relationship with your brothers and sisters now. Also, your relationship with your parents and how it is now. It does seem apparent to me that you hold some anger toward your dad for being emotionally abusive which is common and reasonable. Perhaps because he has cancer your having mixed feelings about that. I dont know, I probably didnt help in the least here and need to go back to bed.... Come and vent all you want to hopes this is what were for ~ Take care ~ Elisha
I'm the youngest of six as well, 44, oday my next in line sister is my best friend and room mate I'm leery of the older sibs who regard me with fear as well. I never hesitate to tell them to mind their own busisness when they try to tell me how to run my life now. My father who also had throat cancer and speaks esophagally now and I get along well. I lost my mother in '99 and was the only one who had come to terms with her prior.