i dont know what to do

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innocenteck0
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 6/13/2006 10:53 PM (GMT -7)   
okay sorry it may be long but i have alot that im going through and im not quite sure how to deal with everything.
first off im only 17 i was kicked out of my house by my only parent (mom)when i was 16 because i stopped giving her all my pay checks (she wasent working and i had a 5.50 an hour job). So that was a major part of my life and it has just gotten worse. I became very depressed and didnt want to talk to anyone about it, my friend told me about youth on their own program and they were very much helpfull and i dont know what i would of done without them but thats besides the point.
I currently reside with my sister whose 23 and her husband and 3 year old nephew. I love them all and i dont know what i would of done with out them.
So every day seems like a new struggle, i cant seem to get away from all the drama my life possesses.
after my mom kicked me out she came to live with us because my sister couldnt stand to see her on the street because she got kicked out of her apartment. that went on for about 2 months and i came to honestly dislike my mom for all what she did to me. I stoped respecting her and didnt want to be around her whatsoever.
she moved got a job and an apartment and kept telling me to move back in with her (it was only a 1 bedroom aprtment in like crack vill). So i declined becuase it was best for me. I went through the school year and got a 4.0 because i want to do better for myself and get scholorships and everything so i dont become my mom.
she lost her job and stays at one of my sisters friends house. Well my sisters friends mom is going to kick My mom out becuase she isnt really looking for a job, and leaves all the time (prolly to go do drugs) so she calls today and is like i need all my stuff (i have her digital camera) and i ask her why and she says because she is going to move out of state and when i ask where shes going she tells me it doesnt matter and all this and that. So i hang up on her becuase shes being rediculas and now i just am wondering what i did to deserve all the drama and hate she has made me have.
I dont understand how parents can just kick kids out at an early age and not give a darn about them.
i feel so worthless to her and i dunno what to go now or where to go from here
i just she would care for me and be proud of the things that i can acomplish, but it just seems that im not on her list of cares, which make me very upset and sad.
Please if you could help me i dont know where to go from here or what i should do to pull myslef through this.

brownleaf
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 765
   Posted 6/13/2006 11:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Ya,
You sound like a bright and caring person, and i think maybe your mother is taking advantage of that, you mentioned drugs, this is quite common, where the drugs become the be all and end all, no one matters outside of this,

you can only look after yourself, and do what you have to to live your life, and your mum obviously at the moment has no consideration for you, "that may change, but it will have to come from her" and only when she finds what is in her heart,

Focus on yourself and your future, and don't buy into anger or guilt she may try to put on you, if you have no respect for your mum, next time she calls, tell her so, but don't go into it, if you sense an arguement, leave, let her think about it, and don't be guilty for what you feel, or say, just say it, and let it go,

This is your life, dont let anyone spoil it for you

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 6/14/2006 5:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Moms.........let me tell you that word is not an easy subject for me at all.
Brownleaf is right. you have to focus on yourself,and make sure that you are where you want to be.
Do not let her bring you down just because she is down.
I have 2 kids ages 18 and 16,and after struggling for 2 years after loosing my job,and sinking in the deep hole.I
was very much relieved when my kids wanted to live with their dad (ex husband). He had a job, is remarried and is very stable. I told my kids everyday that I was on the deep end,and that I did not want it to bring them down. To focus on themselves. That is was not their fault my life went to shambles.
Just tell your mom that you love her,but you have to do what is best for you. Then hopefully when she is back on her feet, she will see that you made the right choice.
Good luck and keep your head up!
Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 6/14/2006 6:07 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi innocent,  You sound a lot like one of my cousins.  My aunt has chosen a hard way of life for herself, unfortunately this effected my cousins greatly. When they were growing up they were always moving  due to getting kicked out, evicted, not have the rent or my aunts boyfriend at the time would throw them out.  My aunt has also had a problem with drugs & prostitution for many years.  How her 2 daughters came out to be responsible adults was totally on them.  Jackie mostly holds great resentment and anger toward her mother.  They do have a relationship but is it tenuous at best and when they are together you can tell that there is friction there by the comments that Jackie makes.  My aunt was diagnosed with having bipolar disorder several years ago so this would explain a lot of her behavior.  Now she still chooses to torcher herself with drugs and alcohol.

I know it is difficult to try to do your best and be your best when you have so much going on in your life.  But it seems that you have chosen to stay in a home with your sister that is stable and not give in to your mother wanting you to move back with her.  If you had you obviously would be homeless again.  When someone is doing drugs they are not themselves, the only thing they can think of is their next fix or getting money for their next fix.  I understand that you want her to see what you have accomplished and be proud but it seems that she wont be able to unless she gets rid of the drugs. The best thing to do is put your energy into your school and keep working on those scholarships as that's what will help get you to college.  It sounds like you already have your path in life chosen, not to go down the same road your mother has.  Your a strong person remember that.


 


janetlee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1986
   Posted 6/14/2006 6:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi, Innocent!
Everyone here has given you really good advice! I do hope you'll take it! You are not your mother's keeper. She's made her own life choices and she has to accept the consequences. The same is true of you. If you buy into her guilt trips and such, she'll just take you down with her. You have to be strong and take care of yourself, because she's rejected the responsibility. Drugs become "gods" to addicts. They sacrifice everything on the altar of their next "high". People have killed family members for drug money. They have sold their own children (even little ones) to molesters. They prostitute themselves, sell all their possessions, give up their dignity, and on and on! Your mom on drugs is a different person than she would be if she weren't on them. Maybe one day she'll get her life straightened out, but that's something that she'll have to do herself. You can't do it for her. Make the most of your own life and remember that you are not defined by what others around you do. You live your life in such a way that if you had a child, you'd be a role model for it. And who knows? Maybe one day you really be a mom with her own STABLE family!
Hang in there and keep up the good work!
janet
I was okay until that flock of bird dogs flew over...


Oldtimer
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2003
Total Posts : 208
   Posted 6/15/2006 4:41 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi innocenteck0,

I think you're pretty amazing. You're mom is lost and you can't help her with that. Family can't help family with someone in her state of mind. She needs professional help.

The tragedy would be if she brought you down with her. It's natural to have the feelings you have. Here's a prayer called the Serenity Prayer. It's one of the great prayers, quotes of all time. I hope you take it to heart.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

The courage to change those that I can

And the wisdom to know the difference.

Ed


www.everyday-wisdom.com


fozi
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 6/17/2006 6:48 PM (GMT -7)   
I can understand what your feeling right now. I went through a divorce and blamed my family for that for quite some time untill the facts came to me and i could analyze the truth. sometimes its too late when we find the truth and then we regret. but i guess you have time to see under the false and look for the truth. sometimes what it appears is not the whole truth.
just for a second try to be in your moms shoes....you could have been a failure a life if some mishap strikes you or you become ill. when your mom gave birth to you she didnt hate you...she took you in her arms and fed you and took care of you and believe it or not it must have affected her life ....her career and her dreams ...as she was putting her energies to raise you and not thinking about herself. she sacrificed for you and she cared  for you. you were weak and she hold you and taught you when you didnt know anything. if she has become weak now and cannot support herself and is a failure in her life go and hold her hand as she held you in her arms when you were born....go and support her and be nice to her and be tolerant as she was tolerant when you were irritating in your childhood and when you didnt cooperate even when she couldnt go to the washroom without your cooperation. go and help her and that will be the true beauty of life and you will see she will come back to you and the love that has been under will errupt back very soon. you two will be a team again and will help each other out.
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