Some people just don't know when they have it good.

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ShynSassy
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Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 6/16/2006 5:21 AM (GMT -7)   
Ok
Here I go...vent vent vent
Most of you know about my past. It sucked to make a long story short.
I get so upset by people that do not know when they have it good.
Example. B/f's brother in law. Always has a bad thing to say about his mother and father in law.
These people are awesome. Their mom is always running around taking care of her grandkids when the parents should be doing it. Cleaning up and cooking for her grown kids. Trying to make sure everyone gets along.
I know not everyone is perfect...but,my mom would not even know how to begin on being a mom.
I get so upset when I see how they treat her,or when she is running around like crazy.
I am just a girlfriend. I have no say,but have said a few things and then started a mini fight with the brother in law. I am not usually that person to do that.But,when you sit there for so long and watch and listen your blood begins to boil.
Plus,they all grew up pretty wealthy. They really have no idea on what being poor is,waiting for your next paycheck to buy groceries. Trying to figure out what you are going to pay,the electric bill or the water bill.
Being smacked around whenever someone feels the need. It just makes me want to slap them and tell them they don't have a clue what life is really all about.
I need advice on how to deal with these people... it has gotten to the point to where I don't want to go to his family events when I know they are all going to be there.
I prefer when it is just his mom and dad and us. It is so peaceful and fun.
If only you could choose your future family!
Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia


els
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Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 6/16/2006 9:51 AM (GMT -7)   
Wow, it always amazes me when so called "normal" families have dysfunction.  It sounds to me like this is really the brother in laws problem and you should view it as such.  I get that you think your boyfriends parents are great people and all but I would really be surprised if they already don't know or suspect how their son in law feels.  I know it is difficult not to respond to that negative crap but that is what I would choose to do if I were in your place.  It can be surprising how someone who always has something negative to say about someone else will shut up when the finally figure out that no one is listening to them. 

Elisha

http://www.healingwell.com/donate


 


janetlee
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Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1986
   Posted 6/16/2006 9:58 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi, Shy!
Ate is right! What does your boyfriend think about it? Have you discussed it with him? Just remember though that should you marry him, then to an extent, you're marrying the whole clan! Like you, I would have a tendency to make remarks should I hear them put a nice person down. Since that starts mini-fights (which I wouldn't give a hoot about personally), I'd compliment her in front of them every time I got the chance. If they said something negative to her or about her in her presence, I'd look at her and say something like, "Don't you listen to them. You're a peach!" OR perhaps "I'll trade them my parents for you anytime!" I know you're getting the picture here. By addressing your remarks to her, what can they say? And IF they say anything, just look at them and SMILE innocently! Oh, they'd hate that! I'm sorry, but if I truly thought the world of her, I'd have to say SOMETHING! And if the boyfriend didn't like it, I'd wonder why he didn't take up for her too. This is just my opinion, of course and I realize that you have to deal with it how you wish. BUt if someone kicks a dog, I'm gonna try to stop it and so if they "kick" a nice person, I'm there!!
janet
I was okay until that flock of bird dogs flew over...


ShynSassy
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Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 6/19/2006 4:36 AM (GMT -7)   
You all have given me some good ideas.
I did start a mini fight with him last weekend. He was again running his mouth and I told him I did not want to hear about it. I told him that I am very loyal to them as they have been there for me.
He started with " what you don't think I am loyal? let me tell you some stories" I said I do not want to hear them.But then the worst part was his wife got up and was mocking me saying " Oh,we are not loyal....
I just sat there in awe as one I never said THEY were not loyal.
Anyway I lost all respect for them.
My boyfriend is a peacekeeper. He just sat there. Which just amazed me. But whatever.
If he wants to listen to them bad mouth his parents,and be treated like that then that is his problem.
I have just decided that when they are all together,I am just going to skip it. It is not a good time anyway and quite frankly I do not have to deal with it.
Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia


els
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Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 6/20/2006 3:10 AM (GMT -7)   
Yep...if the wife of this guy has no problem with him bad mouthing her parents in front of her, and your boyfriend isn't going to say anything either then I would most definitely say that you arnt going to want to step into that situation.  It will only create more drama, that is why I posted before if you don't respond to it in anyway, shape, or form then perhaps he will (hopefully) realize that your not the person to be talking to about his negative feelings.


 


ShynSassy
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Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 6/20/2006 4:45 AM (GMT -7)   
I agree,it is so frustrating though.
It all shows that money does not make happiness.
My ex husband's family all were very poor. And they had if not the same but similiar problems.
I have even said this to my b/f but, I feel like I might be insulting him as he knows what kind of man my ex was. But dang it!
I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve anymore (which is a new deal for me). I need to figure out a way to calm this new trend down.
Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia


ShynSassy
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Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 6/21/2006 5:00 AM (GMT -7)   
I am worried about hanging out with all of them again. I think things are going to get alot worse.
They all are so jealous of each other,and say stupid crap to show it.
I have decided that since they have shown within the last week (I posted the argument about my kids) that I am an outsider to them,that I am just going to keep my mouth shut. If one of them starts ranting and raving about the other I am either going to just get up and walk away,or just tell them that I do not want to hear it,and they can take it like they want. I have enough problems of my own.Just trying to deal with my daily panic and depression attacks,which they make worse.
Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 6/21/2006 8:25 AM (GMT -7)   
That would most likely be a good idea...I can see where playing into those sorts of games with them would eventually cause problems with your own relationship with your boyfriend.  After all it is his family and you don't want him to feel like there is any kind of friction there.  If you don't respond to it in the moment then it certainly makes you the better person.  You can always let your boyfriend know that that kind of talk among them does make you uncomfortable, so that he is aware of it if he isnt already.  :-)

Elisha

http://www.healingwell.com/donate


 


ShynSassy
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Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 6/23/2006 5:16 AM (GMT -7)   
We are skipping on the next big family get together. He already told his parents that the situation was not something we wanted to be a part of. Now whether or not he sticks to that plan is another story.
I want to be by his side,as I know he gets upset when I say I do not want to go with him somewhere,but my patience level with all of this crap is down to nothing.
Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia


poetdowns
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2004
Total Posts : 41
   Posted 6/25/2006 1:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Quote:
"I need advice on how to deal with these people... it has gotten to the point to where I don't want to go to his family events when I know they are all going to be there."

Don't go.
You're prob thinking, that's easy for me to say. No, i know it's not easy to do, i know it may result in conflict -i've been down road.
You want to know the truth? You do have a voice; and you're allowed to say "no". You have rights, and one of them is: you have the right to not subject yourself to that.
Anyone who doesn't understand that is a clod.
Your voice is not weaker 'cause you're a woman. Any decent man would be helping you to realize that.
We each have the right to choose who we like and don't like, just like we each have the right to set our own boundaries.

Poet

ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 6/25/2006 4:51 AM (GMT -7)   
I have made my voice heard and skipped the events this weekend.
It did result in me being home alone all weekend as he went to the lake,and he did not call me all weekend as I am sure he is still mad. But oh well,I put my foot down and am sticking to it.
I know that the Holidays are going to be worse as far as not going,but I am tired of them ruining my days off.
Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 6/26/2006 4:09 AM (GMT -7)   
It sounds like he is pretty close to his family...It that the routine, going to the lake every weekend?  If so I would be frustrated too to have to deal with all that and not feel like you have time to yourself.

Elisha

http://www.healingwell.com/donate


 


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 6/26/2006 4:40 AM (GMT -7)   
It is very frustrating. And I do need time to myself,but he tried his hardest on making a point this weekend. Which just resulted in ticking me off more.
He left,he did not call...he knew I was down and out before he left so he should have called,at least to check on me.
I am tired of being the maid,and not having time to do it because we are gone every weekend.
Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 6/26/2006 4:56 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm not sure what his point was and you don't have to share it but I know when a man thinks he has to make a stand or whatever it seems that that is all their mind focuses on.  Just on trying to be right.  He should of called regardless of how you were feeling this past weekend, that would of been common courtesy and because you have been in a relationship for 2 years.  So I would most defiantly hold him up on that.  Men can be such jerks sometimes....


 


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 6/26/2006 5:11 AM (GMT -7)   
I still haven't figured out his whole point yet...I think it was he was going to show me that if I said I was not going to the lake with him then I would be staying home alone. No matter what the circumstances were.
And that he could have a good time without me there,which is probably the reason he did not call.
His ex girlfriend refused to go to the lake with him for a long time,he finally put his foot down and said he was going with or without her.
Now,I usually go every weekend with him. And one weekend that I am down and do not want to be around other people he just deserts me.
I know his comeback will be that he can not read minds. Hey I know that...but I do know that if he was acting different,and I could tell he was upset about something,you can be assured I would have not left him...or if my plans could not have been cancelled I would have at least called him to make sure he was ok.
Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

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