afraid to hope

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New Member

Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 6/18/2006 1:55 PM (GMT -6)   
t feels like every time I dare t let myself think my life may work out something else comes along to pull the rug out from under me  I wont get into my four year saga of downward slide a small medical problem followed by a series of personal and professional disasters If I didn't remember being a happy person I would think this failure is normal for me.  I'm not on meds fgighting it because I honestly can't afford anymore medications with money as a big stresser for me being unemployed -- well temping councelling is out of the question even on a sliding scale it's more than I can afford.  Every time I think I've bottomed out I manage to slide further down all my efforts are futile and I'm too tired to keep holding on for no reason when I know it just gets worse.  Not suicidal but I woulds like to make it through one day without wishing I were dead.

New Member

Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 6/18/2006 2:43 PM (GMT -6)   
Gosh, Tarsier, how sad your story is... I'm very depressed too. It's something I've struggled with all my life but I have had easy times too. These past two years have been the worst, I can lie in bed days, also wishing I were dead. I feel for you because at least I can afford meds and a limited number of therapy sessions. Unfortunately, it's not helping. But I can hope and I am still hoping. I hope some of that hope and empathy rubs on you. I live with my 15 year old daughter and feel so guilty and embarassed because I have no energy to do anything around the house. What an affliction.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1986
   Posted 6/19/2006 3:04 AM (GMT -6)   
I'd be afaraid to NOT hope...and likely, you can get some meds at no cost. The drug companies have programs to give some people with low incomes meds at reduced cost or even free. Also, since you are unemployed, you may be eligible for gov't. assistance, such as medicaid. You should call your local mental health association and tell them your situation. They may also have some ideas for you. If I were in your shoes, if push came to shove, I'd check myself into the mental health unit at the hospital, via the ER. Public hospitals have to treat you regardless of ability to pay. Of course, the ER would be the last resort if all else failed. You have to reach out to get help. It is out there! :)
I was okay until that flock of bird dogs flew over...

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 6/19/2006 3:41 AM (GMT -6)   

I feel with your pain, at one point I was thinking about death since it's a relief from this world and straight to hell or heaven, But then I remembered what is religion says about those who kill themselfs. I got embarased from GOD that I had these thougths. and I told myself don't be a chicken, the eazy way out is to kill yourself, but the harder way is to live your life, and try to the best that you can be etc..
                                                     To be or not to Be

Post Edited (Akram) : 6/19/2006 2:47:59 AM (GMT-6)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 6/19/2006 4:25 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi tarsier,  everyone has given you some excellent input here, I just wanted to add on to it briefly.  As Janetlee said, most of the major drug companies that make antidepressants now have programs in place where if you are below a certain income bracket you can become eligible to get their medications for reduced cost or even free.  As for counseling you also have many options even if your financially not able to pay.  One way is that a lot of churches offer counseling for free that isn't centered around religion.  Another is the samaritan center also can help pick up the costs of counseling and sometimes even help pay for medications if you meet a financial criteria.  You can call your states Department of Mental Health and as for information on this or go to Division of Family Services who can also give you a list of agencies in your area that help out people/families who cant financially afford these services.



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