Arguement over me having kids

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ShynSassy
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Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 6/19/2006 5:21 AM (GMT -7)   
I am very upset and hopefully will make sense while I am typing.
I want to get my son for a week. We have been telling him how great the Lake is over the 4th.(his parents own a house on the lake and we usually go every weekend)
So we thought that would be awesome if he could come the week before,and go to the lake that weekend,and then we all drive back to the lake on the 4th. So,my b/f brings it up to his mom and the next thing I know we are all in an arguement as his mom is basically telling us there will not be enough room. Then my b/f just said that we will just do something else with him.But as usual with this family it turns out to be a huge drama
I understand that there will be alot of people at the lake that weekend,and I even said that we would not spend the night on the 4th,just hang out during the day and go home later.
Am I wrong for thinking that I come as a package? That it should be expected that when I get my son he comes with me? They would not say that their kids could not bring their kids.
I am so mad at myself for expecting more out of this family. I was feeling part of the family for to long. When in reality I and my kids are outsiders and will be treated as such when push comes to shove.
What are they going to do if my b/f and I get married? Do they understand that I have 2 kids?
I did not say alot during this arguement. I did not know what to say and my heart was broken.
It was so childish,and I am still shocked that it happened.
We were going to spend the night last night,but I was so upset that we drove home. But,we drove home in complete silence and he has not said a word to me. I am not sure if he is embarrased,or just does not know what to say.
I am going to send him an email so he reads it when he gets up. I don't feel like talking about it with him before work. But I want him to completely understand...I think he does,he just does not know what to do. What a position to be in huh?

I will not bad mouth his mom and dad to him out of respect to him. But,I do think I need to put a bug in his ear so he hopefully says the right thing to his mom.
What do you think? I think I should just plan on not going to the lake with my kids when they come down. Not a big deal (my son will be bummed).
I never in a million years imagined that they would put me in this situation.
Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia


ShynSassy
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Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 6/19/2006 6:04 AM (GMT -7)   
I wanted to add that I was hoping my b/f would have stepped up to the plate and said something like she is my girlfriend and she has 2 kids....but he didn't.
I think the main problem is it if it comes down to his inheritance and me,I am out the door.
Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia


janetlee
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Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1986
   Posted 6/19/2006 9:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Shy,
I think that you already know the answers to your own questions...you have to make some tough decisions, but when someone disses a kid, they're not worth considering IMO! Your b/f's concern about upsetting the status quo has some merit perhaps, but if he loves money or anything else more than you, is that a person that you want to spend your life with and for your child to see as a role model?
Communication is the key to a good relationship. You should tell him how you feel and take it from there. This is of course, MY opinion, but I do believe that my points are valid. Take care!
janet
I was okay until that flock of bird dogs flew over...


els
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Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 6/20/2006 2:55 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Shy,  I think first you should definitely talk to your boyfriend about your feelings of insecurity regarding your relationship but I would wait until a better time then now, at least when things have cooled some from this.  Did your boyfriends mom not know you had 2 kids?  Perhaps she doesn't realize that your son is older and not a child?  I dont know just throwing things out there.  Maybe it would be a good idea if your boyfriend and you are considering marriage, to have your kids and his parents meet each other.  But instead of doing it at a huge family function thing maybe take them out to dinner, or invite them over for dinner so the parents can get to know them some.  Just a suggestion...but as for the 4th, all I can really say to that is your feelings are completely reasonable.  They way she acted was just ungracious and rude IMO.  Let us know how it goes...

Elisha

http://www.healingwell.com/donate


 


ShynSassy
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Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 6/20/2006 4:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi there
Just to clarify. My b/f has no kids. In my remark about the "not telling her kids they could not bring their kids" I meant his brother and his sister.
They have met my kids several times.They have both been to the lake several times,and I did not think they were a problem. That was something I thought about as my son is 16 and just likes to be out on the boat or on the seadoo's. All of her grandchildren are under the age of 3.
When I got home last night my boyfriend basically did not want to talk about it. Which ticked me off,but I was too tired from work to go into it in depth. I know he talked to his mom,and he refused to tell me what the status of the situation was. I just wanted to know what her thoughts were still so I knew what to expect.
I called his mom,and was going to apologize for the whole deal getting blown out of porportion just so she hopefully would talk to me.
Not going there on the 4th is not a big deal. There will be alot of people there,and as you know from my previous posts I do not care if I hang out with all of them.
My best friend will be there from new york,but if I have to choose from seeing her and my son,well you know the answer.
The last response I got from my b/f about it was "don't be mad at them as they are just trying to accomadate everyone that goes to the lake"...how should I take that? And why can't he just tell me how he feels about the deal either way?
GRRR
Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia


ShynSassy
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Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 6/21/2006 4:56 AM (GMT -7)   
not your fault at all atedog. I was typing so fast and was so angry that I am sure it did not make sense to a sane mind.
I left a message for his mom,but she did not call me back.
But when I got home last night,my boyfriend had been investigating how much a used boat would cost.
He said that if we kept getting pushed out of the lake for whatever reason,we were going to buy a boat and some camping equipment and just go on our own.
So,even though he did not say much to me or his parents it was obviously on his mind. And he decided to have a plan b.
Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia


shell67
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Date Joined Nov 2005
Total Posts : 1268
   Posted 6/21/2006 8:05 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi shy, sorry that they have to be that way, but you are a package deal.....and they should love your kids as much as you. I can say im glad that he did come up with plan b. dont feel bad i agree with els, your feeling are completely reasonable, and i personally think she was in the wrong and rude.
shell
" Dwell not on the past. Use it to illustrate a point, then leave it behind. Nothing really matters except what you do now, in this instant of time. From this moment onward you can be an entirely different person, filled with love and understanding, ready with an outstretched hand, uplifted and positive in every thought and deed."
Eileen Caddy


ShynSassy
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Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 6/22/2006 5:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Update
Boyfriend's mom called last night. And apologized several times.
She said she understood where I came from. And was just very overwhelmed with the number of people that are going to be there. I understand that,believe me. But,we are now going down with my son the weekend before,and it will just be us,and his parents. So he will have a great time(if the weather holds out). Then my boyfriend and I are going to take him to the waterpark on the 4th,and have a pinic by the river here,and then go hunt down some fireworks.
So,speaking my mind worked in all ways.
I did find out that his sister is very jealous of me and my kids. The reason is I spend alot of time with her mom,and my kids are teens so her mom tells her how easy and polite they are.
That is something I told his mom that his sister is going to have to figure out,she agreed. I am 7 years older than his sister,and best friends with her mom's sister,So,that means we have alot to talk about most times.
I just don't understand the whole jealously thing..
Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia


els
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Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 6/22/2006 6:13 AM (GMT -7)   

I am so glad she called and apologized.  It is also understandable to become overwhelmed when trying to plan a big family event like that.  It sounds like you have your plans all worked out for your visit with your son.

I don't really get the jealousy thing either...Is this the same daughter who has the husband that bad mouths her mother and she doesn't stick up for her?  If so, it seems to me she has some...well, issues... tongue


Elisha

http://www.healingwell.com/donate


 


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 6/23/2006 5:14 AM (GMT -7)   
Yep that is her Elisha.
It is unbelievable the way she lets her husband talk about her parents.
Even though my mom can be horrible, Even though my mom can be horrible,my boyfriend knows that there is a line that he should not cross as far as bad mouthing her in front of me. I let him vent about her as far as what she has done to me,but he knows not to call her names or things like that.
And no matter how upset I get with his parents I would never bad mouth them to him.
He actually broke up with his last girlfriend because she bad mouthed his parents. Guess she was saying horrible things. His sister needs to step up to the plate and put her husband in his place.
I sometimes think she enjoys it because if he is bad mouthing someone else,then he is not disrespecting her.
Which he does ALL of the time.
I would not put up with that. I lived that crap for 13 years and had to learn the hard way
Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia

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