Thanks Elisha, Krista and Shell for the welcome and for the kind and supportive words you've given me. It is much appreciated. Thanks also for the advice regarding medication and the counselling and I am taking your views on board. I'm sorry also for all your losses as well but strangely, it is good to hear from others who appreciate the cumulative effects of grief and relationship loss can have on your sense of self. I'm trying not to keep things bottled up inside my consellor also recognised this in me and she has given me some pointers to how to deal with my emotions when I'm at a low ebb. Today has strangely been tough for me since I felt OK the past two days, I feel myself obsessing about my ex and then feeling guilty about my not thinking about my mother and feel a downward spiral of thoughts about the futility of my being but, although I have had these thoughts, I haven't self harmed and have called relevant organisations (Im in UK) whenever I have felt I am getting close to really negative thoughts. Part of the problem for me, I am aware, is that I thought I had met the love of my life and we had no major problems in our relationship but I think my depression after losing my mother was just to much to deal with. Its the fear of being on my own and not having a real closure I think that is holding me down but just when I think its getting easier here come the self-critical thoughts and perceptions, my mind starts racing and I feel I am back to square one. Anyway thanks for letting me sound off again. Scot
Scot, please don't be self-critical. Loss is extremely hard to deal with. I lost my dad 13 years ago but not yet my mum. It was very hard to deal with Dad dying but I dread Mum going too. On top of that loss you have had to break with your closest soul-mate. It is no wonder that you are struggling. I think coming up to 40 is a difficult age anyway and our confidences are not at their highest. Hang in there and don't be afraid to let your emotions out even if its only in private or with your counsellor. They say time heals and it does but at times like this time seems so slow!
LONDONSCOT- Welcome to the website. There is no easy way around it-grieving sucks. I always like to think of it this way It is easier to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Your ex may not be your ex in the future the person may come back to you. The time apart will make the person see that they need you and miss you. I don't know the whole story-maybe it is a good thing that you broke up.
I lost my father when I was 23. He had his 3rd stroke and it was induced by an asthma attack. He meant the world to me. He showed me what love is and was an excellent father. Losing him could have been even worse if he was an estranged Dad that only showed up a few times a year to visit. Then I would be wondering what he was like, if he loved me, why our parents split up etc.. But he was with our family he loved my mother they were the perfect couple and I had a great upbringing. He died knowing how I felt about him. My Mom needed me to be strong and help her with the funeral arrangements. Yes I cried I cried for days but only when I was alone or with my brothers. Never around my Mom. When it came time for the viewing and burial I was a complete wreck. We did talk about my Dad and we still do to this day. I think that helps a lot. It's been 12 years now and not until just last year was I able to tell a friend about my dad without crying. The hard times for me every year were his birthday because I walk the aisles of Hallmark looking through the cards and seeing which one I'd choose for him. Father's day of course, and the day he died. I go to his gravesite when I am home and always bring him a pinwheel. Thanks for letting me share my story with you. I hope in some small way it helps you find comfort.
It doesn't happen overnight and you never really get over the loss. But it should get easier with time. I wish you well. I can't tell you how it touched my heart to hear a grown man tell his grief over the loss of his mother. In this day and age men act as if they can't show their emotions as if it is a sign of weakness. I find that it shows strength compassion and a true example of unconditional love. What you and your mother had was special, be thankful for your wonderful relationship. It will only make you a better friend, lover, brother,father,person to have in this world. The love we are shown from our parent(s) is one of the cornerstones as to how we love another. Peace to you, krocks