I have been feeling a bit depressed the past few days..I think it is nearing that time of the month. I am currently on Remeron and Klonopin..but just before that time of the month, I just feel sad and lonely..and wishing I could meet a nice man. Normally, I am quite content and don't feel the need to have a man in my life, and living alone usually doesn't bother me. I am 44 years old, and it has been ten years since my last relationship ended, it was a relationship that only lasted a year and I met him on a Personals site.
Now..while PMS'ing..I often wonder, if it is Gods plan that I am to be alone for the rest of my life, and I feel that I will also die alone. I have pretty much given up on meeting someone in this city and don't try to anymore..just tired of rejection and disappointment. I don't think Midwestern men are attracted to me and most everyone who lives here is married and have families, which makes me feel even more alone. My only family is my 88 year old Dad who lives in Florida. My girlfriend who lived here (Ohio) just moved down to Florida and she has only been down there three months and has already met someone who she has fallen in love with. She met him on on a dating web site. I spoke to her today..and she told me of all the wonderful things they do together..dancing, eating out, walks on the beach at sunset..just makes me really lonely...and I often wonder why I can't have that. Today, she left a long message on my answering machine about all the wonderful things her and her new boyfriend were doing, and I couldn't stand to listen anymore, and erased the message before I was done listening to it. My weekends are usually spend alone and running errands, doing volunteer work. My other friend who moved to Wisconsin also met a nice man, and they are getting married next month..I wonder..why these good things don't happen to me, and they happen to most everyone else. Sometimes I just feel discouraged..then I feel guilty of feeling like this, and especially for not listening to her entire message..I should be happy for people, instead I just feel lonely and envious that most everyone has it good but me. I think it is just that time of month..I hate PMS and the green eyed monster that accompanies it. Thanks for listening. Just feeling a bit sorry for myself I guess, and now I feel bad about that..lol. I just needed to get that off my chest.