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els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 6/26/2006 4:34 AM (GMT -7)   
Wow, we are on our fouth Postive thread!  Thank you everyone for helping keep this going.  Come on everyone...keep posting.... tongue
 
Wisdom Tooth Removal

One day, a man walks into a dentist's office and asks how much it will cost to extract wisdom teeth.

"Eighty dollars," the dentist says.
"That's a ridiculous amount," the man says.
"Isn't there a cheaper way?"
"Well," the dentist says, "if you don't use an anesthetic, I can knock the price down to $60."
"That's still too expensive," the man says.
"Okay," says the dentist. "If I save on anesthesia and simply rip the teeth out with a pair of pliers, I can knock the price down to $20."
"Nope," moans the man, "it's still too much."
"Well," says the dentist, scratching his head, "if I let one of my students do it, I suppose I can knock the price down to $10."
"Marvelous," says the man,

"book my wife for next Tuesday!"


Elisha

http://www.healingwell.com/donate


 


shell67
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2005
Total Posts : 1268
   Posted 6/26/2006 11:26 AM (GMT -7)   
ROFLMAO els.....i needed that one  ;)  id love to do that to a few people, but i want to be in control of the pliers......j/k scool
 

Arkansas

After having their 10th child, an Arkansas couple decided that that was enough. So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem.

The doctor told the man that he was to go home, get a cherry bomb, put it in a can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. The Arky said to the doctor "I may not be the smartest man, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a can next to my ear is going to help me." So the couple drove to Missouri to get a second opinion. The doctor was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed they were from Arkansas.

This doctor also told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, place it in a tin can, hold it next to his ear and count to 10. Figuring that both doctors couldn't be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5..." at which point he paused, placed the can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.

shell

 
 
" Dwell not on the past. Use it to illustrate a point, then leave it behind. Nothing really matters except what you do now, in this instant of time. From this moment onward you can be an entirely different person, filled with love and understanding, ready with an outstretched hand, uplifted and positive in every thought and deed."
Eileen Caddy


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 6/27/2006 6:35 AM (GMT -7)   
Oh my gosh Shell that is soooo funny.... tongue

Elisha

http://www.healingwell.com/donate


 


Judi Bee
New Member


Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 6/27/2006 6:40 PM (GMT -7)   
lo... that was soo funny..
btw. im really enjoying all these positive threads!!

els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 6/28/2006 5:04 AM (GMT -7)   
Why thank you Judi Bee...perhaps sometime you'll add something?  maybe?


 


Akram
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 6/28/2006 9:43 AM (GMT -7)   
OK I have a small story hope you like it.
Warning: before yuo ready this, please note i didn't make story up, but because it was told by my granda, i just translated it to english

There was this man carry a jug of honey, he started to imagine what would happen if he sold it and got some money, then he could buy 2 jugs of hunny and go back to the city and sell the jugs and so on. the number of jugs he had kept increasing untill he had a problem how would I carry all these jugs? i need a wagon to help me. next he purchased a wagon to carry all those jugs. after some time he didn't have enough place for all of the jugs, and he had to buy another wagon, but suddenly he stoped as he heard a sound as if one of the jugs fell from the wagon and was broken. he said it's just 1 jug , suddenly all the jugs disapeared and the wagons disapeared and he saw 1 jug lieing on the floor. yes it was his jug he started crying crying lol.
                                                     To be or not to Be


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 7/1/2006 3:26 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you for sharing that Akram...arnt stories from Grandma the best?
 
I have to say I was a little upset with Normandy last night....after giving that ungrateful fat cat his normal bedtime treats he opted to lay at the bottom of the bed and glare at me like he didn't get enuf or I had done something wrong...His normal routine after treats is to lay on me and let me pet him for a few then lay by me until I fall asleep.  They say women are moody???
 
Cat quotes
"Managing senior programmers is like herding cats." - -Dave Platt

"Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will pee on your computer." --Bruce Graham

"There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast." --Unknown

"Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this." --Anonymous

"Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through the snow." --Jeff Valdez

"In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats." -- English proverb

"As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat." -- Ellen Perry Berkeley

"One cat just leads to another." --Ernest Hemmingway

"Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later." --Mary Bly

"Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia." --Joseph Wood Krutch

"People that hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life." --Faith Resnick

"There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats." --Anonymous

"I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior." --Hippolyte Taine

"No heaven will not ever Heaven be; Unless my cats are there to welcome me." --Unknown

"There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats." --Albert Schweitzer

"The cat has too much spirit to have no heart." -- Ernest Menaul

"Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God."

"Time spent with cats is never wasted." --Colette

"Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well." --Missy Dizick

"You will always be lucky if you know how to make friends with strange cats." --Colonial American proverb

"Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want." --Joseph Wood Krutch

"I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic"

"My husband said it was either him or the cat ... I miss him sometimes."

"Dogs have owners....cats have a staff".

Elisha

http://www.healingwell.com/donate


 


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 7/3/2006 8:43 AM (GMT -7)   

My mom sent this to me in an e-mail...I thought it was cute and wanted to pass it on to you all...

SAD NEWS
 
Please join me in remembering a great icon of the
entertainment
community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a
yeast infection
and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the
belly. He was 71.
 
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin.
Dozens of celebrities
turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs.
Butterworth, HungryJack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the
Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with
flours.
 
Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly
described Doughboy as a
man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy
rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with&nb sp;
turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his
dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he
still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for
millions.
 
Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, two
children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is
also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
 
If this made you smile for even a brief second, please rise to the
occasion and take time to share that smile with someone
else who may be having a crumby day and kneads it


 


Sadsong
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 7/8/2006 8:31 AM (GMT -7)   
A young couple were about to get married.  Neither had much money, but had a tremendous about of love for each other.  The young man took his one prized possession, his pocket watch that his late grandfather gave to him on his deathbed and sold it to purchase a torquoise hair clip for his soon-to-be-wife.  She had long flowing hair that she took great care in and was one of the reasons why he fell in love with her.  Meanwhile, not having any money, but wanting the find the perfect gift for her soon-to-be husband, the young woman went to the local hairdresser and cut off all of her hair.  She used the money to buy a gold watch band for her soon-to-be husband.  As he was walking down the street he saw her and asked her what would make her cut off her most prized possession?  She looked at him and said "I wanted our day to be special, so I used the money to buy you a gold watch band for your most prized possession."    

els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 7/9/2006 2:43 AM (GMT -7)   
Oh sadsong,  that is such a great story....Thank you for posting it!


 


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 7/9/2006 2:54 AM (GMT -7)   

A police officer pulls over a car with a young blonde driver in it....

Cop : "Miss, this is a 65 MPH highway, why are you going so slowly?"

Blonde : "Officer, I saw a lot of signs saying 22, not 65."

Cop : "Oh miss, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you're on!"

Blonde : "Oh! Stupid me! Thanks for letting me know, Ill be more careful from now on."

At this point the cop looks into the back seat of the car, where the passengers are shaking and white as ghosts.

Cop : "Excuse me miss, what's wrong with your friends back there? They're shaking something awful."

Blonde : "Oh... We just got off of highway 119".

Elisha

http://www.healingwell.com/donate


 


Sadsong
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 7/12/2006 3:10 PM (GMT -7)   
The Ant and the Dove


AN ANT went to the bank of a river to quench its thirst, and
being carried away by the rush of the stream, was on the point of
drowning. A Dove sitting on a tree overhanging the water plucked
a leaf and let it fall into the stream close to her. The Ant
climbed onto it and floated in safety to the bank. Shortly
afterwards a birdcatcher came and stood under the tree, and laid
his lime-twigs for the Dove, which sat in the branches. The Ant,
perceiving his design, stung him in the foot. In pain the
birdcatcher threw down the twigs, and the noise made the Dove
take wing.


One good turn deserves another

els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 7/13/2006 8:01 AM (GMT -7)   
Great post Sadsong...thank you for helping keep this thread going... :-)

Elisha

http://www.healingwell.com/donate


 


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 7/13/2006 8:01 AM (GMT -7)   
Some self-evident truths about pets...

Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it forever. Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes.

Although cats are rather delicate creatures, and they are subject to a good many ailments, I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.

Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.

Dog's have owners. Cat's have staff.

Dogs shed, cats shred.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult?

No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does.

Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

I hope to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am.

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.

People that hate cats will come back as dogs in their next life.

We wonder why the dogs always drink out of our toilets, but look at it from their point of view: Why do humans keep peeing into their water bowls?

Women and cats will do as they please... men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.

In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.

Elisha

http://www.healingwell.com/donate


 


Sadsong
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 7/17/2006 4:37 PM (GMT -7)   

Hey all -

Here's a cheerful little story I just lifted from the web.  It was quite easy to do and I thought others may be interested in it...  Perhaps someone else would like to start posting other items that help them stay positive!  tongue

The Best Time of My Life
by Joe Kemp

VIEW IMAGEIt was June 15, and in two days I would be turning thirty. I was insecure about entering a new decade of my life and feared that my best years were now behind me.

My daily routine included going to the gym for a workout before going to work. Every morning I would see my friend Nicholas at the gym. He was seventy-nine years old and in terrific shape. As I greeted Nicholas on this particular day, he noticed I wasn't full of my usual vitality and asked if there was anything wrong. I told him I was feeling anxious about turning thirty. I wondered how I would look back on my life once I reached Nicholas's age, so I asked him, "What was the best time of your life?"

Without hesitation, Nicholas replied, "Well, Joe, this is my philosophical answer to your philosophical question:

"When I was a child in Austria and everything was taken care of for me and I was nurtured by my parents, that was the best time of my life.

"When I was going to school and learning the things I know today, that was the best time of my life.

"When I got my first job and had responsibilities and got paid for my efforts, that was the best time of my life.

"When I met my wife and fell in love, that was the best time of my life.

"The Second World War came, and my wife and I had to flee Austria to save our lives. When we were together and safe on a ship bound for North America, that was the best time of my life.

"When we came to Canada and started a family, that was the best time of my life.

"When I was a young father, watching my children grow up, that was the best time of my life.

And now, Joe, I am seventy-nine years old. I have my health, I feel good and I am in love with my wife just as I was when we first met. This is the best time of my life."

 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 7/18/2006 2:59 AM (GMT -7)   
Els and all the reat of you's these posts are the best I really needed to laugh BUT I didnt say I needed to split a gut this morning........ am glad your positive thread is still going and going .........great job all .......
You know your gonna have a great day when you wake up and WANT to face the day head on with excitement and laughter bubbling inside you just as I am today
I got the "devil" in me today lol.........Take care all and keep posting this is the BEST medicine IMO........God Bless......Lyn
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
 Let That Strong Spirit Be Your Guide 
 
 A real friend walks in when the rest of the world walks away
  
 
  
 


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 7/18/2006 6:13 AM (GMT -7)   

Thank you Lyn,  Its good to see you over here :-) .  We have been a bit slow with the positive thread since BL left us sad ...But on the positive side we have Sadsong back and she is helping keep us going tongue always such a help and inspiration.

I think I am feeling a bit of the devil in me too today...we must be sisters in some form of the galaxy  tongue   Take care you - luvs ya


Elisha

http://www.healingwell.com/donate


 


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 7/18/2006 6:28 AM (GMT -7)   
Good Advice
 
1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

3. There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman...neither works.

4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

5. Always drink upstream from the herd.

6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket.

8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.

9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.

12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

Elisha

http://www.healingwell.com/donate


 


Sadsong
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 7/18/2006 3:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Awe shucks, Els.  Thanks for the props!  :)  Your posts are always spot on and I've really missed getting your replies.  Hope all is well.  tongue

Sadsong
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 7/18/2006 3:51 PM (GMT -7)   
When in Rome do as the Romans do...

I flunked high school Spanish, so maybe that's why I don't speak the language. Or maybe I was too engrossed in the conversations that were taking place around me to remember what each item on the menu was, but whatever the reason I ordered what our fluent Ecuadorian friend had told me was her favorite dish. I don't remember the Spanish name for it, but translated it means Cow Foot. And it doesn't taste very good. :)~

els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 7/19/2006 9:22 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you for the laugh Sadsong, I needed it today.  I had alittle accident and broke my ankle a few days ago sad .  The Positive side of it is that my MS has pretty much kept me from feeling any pain in it as I am numb all the time... tongue   Hugs

Elisha

http://www.healingwell.com/donate


 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 7/22/2006 11:58 AM (GMT -7)   
Great stories and posts all ..Sadsong a great laugh realy helps .......
Els I know I miss BL as well
His wisdom and concern for all is sadly missed as are his stories
On a positive note I feel not to bad sores are healing up well and I have had another great "Teen Night" .........Loking forward to the next one
And my CAIT is home with MOmma where she belongs lol........
Els we are kindred spirits for sure .........Take care sis ......Love ya
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
 Let That Strong Spirit Be Your Guide 
 
 A real friend walks in when the rest of the world walks away
  
 
  
 


Sadsong
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 7/25/2006 3:30 PM (GMT -7)   
Geese Facts

Next fall when you see geese heading south for the winter... flying along in V formation...you might consider what science has discovered as to why they fly that way:

As each bird flaps its wings, it creates an uplift for the bird immediately following. By flying in V formation the whole flock adds at least 71% greater flying range, than if each bird flew on its own.

People who share a common direction and sense of community can get where they are going more quickly and easily because they are traveling on the thrust of one another.

When a goose falls out of formation, it suddenly feels the drag and resistance of trying to go it alone... and quickly gets back into formation to take advantage of the lifting power of the bird in front. If we have as much sense as a goose, we will stay in formation with those who are headed the same way we are.

When the head goose gets tired it rotates back in the wing and another goose flies point. It is sensible to take turns doing demanding jobs...with people or with geese flying south.

Geese honk from behind to encourage those up front to keep up their speed. What do we say when we honk from behind?

Finally...and this is important...when a goose gets sick or is wounded by gunshots, and falls out of formation, two other geese fall out with that goose and follow it down to lend help and protection. They stay with the fallen goose until it is able to fly or until it dies, and only then do they launch out on their own, or with another formation to catch up with their group.

If we have the sense of a goose, we will stand by each other like that.

els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 8/6/2006 7:04 AM (GMT -7)   

These are the unavoidable laws of the natural universe...

1. Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.

2. Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

5. Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

6. Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (works every time).

7. Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11. Theater Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

12. Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness, color and cost of the carpet/rug.

15. Law of location: No matter where you go, there you are.

16. Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

17. Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

18. Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.

19. Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.


Elisha

http://www.healingwell.com/donate


 


LondonGirl22
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 1629
   Posted 8/6/2006 9:44 AM (GMT -7)   
Recently I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments
together at the airport.

They had announced the departure.

Standing near the
security gate, they hugged and the mother said "I
love you and I wish you enough."

The daughter replied, "Mum, our life together has been more than
enough.
Your love is all I ever needed.  I wish you enough too,Mum."

They kissed and the daughter left.

The mother walked over to the window where I was seated.

Standing there I could see she wanted and needed to cry.

I tried not to intrude on her
privacy but she welcomed me in by asking,
"Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?"

"Yes, I have, " I replied. "Forgive me for asking but why is this a
forever
good-bye?".

"I am old and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the
reality is the next trip back will be for my funeral" she said.

"When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say 'I wish you enough'.
May I ask what that means?". She began to smile.

"That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My
parents used to say it to everyone".

She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail
and she smiled even more.

"When we said 'I wish you enough' we were wanting the other person to
have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them".

Then turning toward me she shared the following as if she were reciting
it from memory.

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.

I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much
bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.


She then began to cry and walked away.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to
appreciate
them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them.




TAKE TIME TO LIVE....


To all my friends and loved ones,

I WISH YOU ENOUGH....XXX

Victoria x
 
cherish all your happy moments....they make a fine cushion for old age
 
dx: IBS 2002, Ulcerative Colitis 2004, Depression 2004, Anxiety 2005
 
meds: lexapro 10mg, prednisilone 10mg, mebeverine 20mg
 
 

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