What do you think ?

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

Lolz
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 7/2/2006 7:34 AM (GMT -7)   
 
I would love to get other people's opinions on this, if you have time :)
 
I'm in FL visiting, my friend lives about 5mns from where I'm staying. This is my 3rd time here and, every time, the first couple weeks are really good, we hang out, go shopping, stuff like that. Then it goes downhill from there, to the point that if I dont show up on her doorstep (scared to death of being told to leave) then I dont see her for weeks at a time. This time, well, I havent even HEARD from her since Tuesday,not a phone call, no email, nothing. And the only reason I did hear from her last Tuesday is because I called.
We work together, and I do a lot of work for her,without getting paid because she has money problems. The last 2 times she called me, was to ask if I could babysit her son for a few hours (I said yes,of course).In short, I dont hear from her unless she needs me for something
I'm feeling very left out. A few weeks ago, she took her family and the 2 kids that live next door to a park for the day.She didnt tell me anything about it, I found out because one of the kids told me. She has not invited me once to go to the beach with them (they go every weekend). Well this weekend being 4th of July w/e and all,they will all be on the beach having fun and doing fireworks.Again I know because one of the kids told me.
Another thing that really hurt my feelings, was that we were on Hurricane Watch a few weeks ago. I didnt want to stay alone, so I told her I was scared and asked if I could come over. It took her a little while to respond and then she said, yes, unless we have to evacuate. She then told me if we have to evacuate I cant take you,I have no room you'll have to go to a shelter. That really hurt my feelings. She'd take her neighbours in a heartbeat, but apparently I dont matter as much, if at all. 
 
Now in her defense, I *DO* take a lot of room. I'm not really that fun to be around of. I'm boring and not really interesting. And if she HAD invited me to the beach I would most likely have said no, because I'm way too disgustingly gross to be seen in a bathing suit. Also, I'm very scared of being humiliated or turned down, so sometimes it makes me look cold and distant. It's possible that she thinks I dont WANT to be there, that I'm not interested. Something else you should know,is that we have a big age difference. I'm 18 (though I dont act or look it) and she's 36.
 
I'm just very confused. I dont know if this is in my head, or if she just doesnt like me unless she can get something out of me. What do you think ??
I love it here.. despite what I just wrote, it's still SO much better than being home. And I was planning on coming back in a few months, but now I wonder if I should. I'm used to being lonely and sad at home, but it's a lot harder here when I know what I'm missing.
 
Should I come back, even though at this point I cant wait to leave ? Should I tell her something.. or ask her what's going on.. and if so, how do I do that ? She's my only friend, and even if I feel sometimes she's taking advantage of me, it's a whole lot better than having no friend at all.

Sea 2
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 69
   Posted 7/2/2006 9:40 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Lolz,

Your friend is 36 and she has two children, aged about 9 or 10 ?

When you arrive she puts her life on hold to do lots of fun things with you.  However, young children demand a lot of time and energy.  She will be running them everywhere for clubs, to their friends houses etc.  Plus she has to make time for her husband.  After a few weeks it is likely that she has to catch up on the jobs that she neglected while she was out with you.
 
However, you have more time to sit and worry about when you will see your friend again.  Also you are lonely so the time seems long.  Probably to her there aren't enough hours in the day to get everything done. 
 
I think you are feeling insecure and when she returns to her normal routine that she has when you are not there, you feel let down.  I can understand that.  Also you avoid contact with people because of your weight.
 
You don't say if there is a physical problem that causes you to be over-weight.  Have you considered that you might have an under-active thyroid?  Or is it due to comfort eating?

Love Sea 2.  Hope you are still thinking of those positives! :-)

Lolz
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 7/2/2006 10:16 AM (GMT -7)   
She has 2 boys one who is 16 and one who's 5. They mostly stay at home,or play in front of their house so she doesnt really drive them anywhere or things like that. We do the same job online so we work pretty much at the same time, together.
I'm not some kid having a tantrum because I dont get a trip to the mall LOL I hope my original post didnt make it sound like that.
I wouldnt expect her to take time away from her life to entertain me,it just upsets me sometimes to see that she's out doing things, having a good time, and never including me in any of it. Then she says we're close and I'm "like her sister" and I just dont get it.
 
My weight problem is due to a combination of steroids (for asthma) + compulsive eating. I dont recommend that combo to anyone :)
Though it definitely doesnt help, it's not the main reason why I avoid contact with people, I've always been that way even when I was stick thin. I've just always had the feeling that I'm a mistake, shouldnt have been born, and basically should be ashamed to exist.

Lolz
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 7/3/2006 1:27 PM (GMT -7)   

You're right, I didnt think of that. I dont have "low" self esteem though I have NO self esteem :)

Thanks so much for the replies everyone, and I hope you all have a Happy 4th of July tomorrow !

Oh BTW.. she called to invite me over tomorrow. You were right again Atedogs, I'm reading wayyy too much into everything. Only a handful of days left here, I'm going to try and stop THINKING so much about everything that could go wrong and enjoy them.


Sea 2
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 69
   Posted 7/3/2006 2:53 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Lolz,
I certainly didn't think you were just a kid! What you are achieving with your life proves that. I'm glad that your friend has invited you over. I hope you have a good 4th July. I think your friend does appreciate you. She says that you are like a sister to her. There is no greater compliment. Do you think that a part of your anxiety is due to knowing that you have to go back soon? I had an aunt who battled asthma for years and had to take steroids. She struggled and yet she was such a strong character. I think you are too. You just haven't realised it yet!! Or have you ? You have decided to make the most of your last few days. To me that shows character and determination. I wish all the best for you. Love Sea 2 x

Sea 2
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 69
   Posted 7/6/2006 11:34 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Lolz, 

 I hope you had a good 4th July.  I ended up going out for a meal to an Italian restaurant and Italy were playing Portugal in the World Cup football.  Suddenly, late on in the evening all the waiters and waitresses just rushed out of the restaurant onto the road stopping all the traffic and singing!  Apparently Italy scored two goals in the last minute and a half of the match! 

I have been mega busy at work this week because I keep having to do everything twice(or more) cos I'm making loads of mistakes the first times and sometimes second and thirds!!  It must be the heat.  How is it going with you?  Will you be able to keep in touch with us all when your vacation is over?

Thinking of you lots

Sea 2 x

 


nickylynn
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 83
   Posted 7/6/2006 6:11 PM (GMT -7)   
Lolz~  I know exactly what you mean.  I have a friend that doesnt like being with me very much lately.  I don't know if it is because of her new boyfriend, who is in the hospital for breaking his neck, or she's paying me back from last summer when I wasn't really nice...IDK.  But I know what it feels like and it hurts.  My friend is my best friend and I tell her everything, do everything with, and her family is very close to me.  Lately, she has been at the hospital everyday.  Sometimes I feel like I'm glad that he is in the hospital so I can be with my friend.  Then all of my other friends don't like being with me either and if I want to do something with them I have to call.  They never call me.  So what I have been told is KEEP YOUR HEAD UP AND STAY POSITIVE things should be get better.
 
~nickylynn~

Sea 2
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 69
   Posted 7/9/2006 6:04 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Lolz,

Hope you are okay and so busy that you haven't time to look on here. :-)    Hope the trip back goes well.  We are here if you want to talk.

Love Sea 2 x

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Thursday, December 08, 2016 3:24 PM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,734,938 posts in 301,260 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151367 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, vtu15.
347 Guest(s), 21 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
Chask, ResilienceR, George_, Thankuall, blueberrymuffin, Jasperilla, PromisedaRainbow, chrisp1, dismissed, Girlie, smlafleur, reminder, Jack84, pmm73, Dmc695, BKelly, goatts, ChickenArise, Poppie, Mister Mike, julymorning


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer