When I was 18 I used to characterise myself as a dried up empty carcus revealed when silky fronds are blown apart. Im still here....not perfect but still here. Take heart !
Hi ya Sadsong! It is funny that you wrote as I was just thinking about you and wondering if you were doing okay. I have missed seeing you on the forum and have come to think of you as a friend.
I think I understand how you feel. I have pretty much stopped talking to all my other friends except for one, and sometimes I don't even answer my phone when she calls. It almost seems as if I don't have much in common with others or maybe its just me projecting my feelings onto them, who knows. But, I don't open up either and talk to people and if someone does go out of their way to start a conversation with me I am always at a loss for words...like it is forced and fake. Then I have to worry that they can tell and mistake it for being snotty or thinking I'm better than them. Really it is almost too much energy to spend and waste.
I don't know what the solution or answer is. Maybe it is within ourselves and once we heal and work on get to being better with us than it will be easier. I hope.
Please do check in with us when you can, you will always be able to find support and encouragement here (as you well know). You can also e-mail me if you want to, my address is below my username.
Hi sadsong, I’m sorry I didn’t see your reply, your post got bumped to the bottom of the page . I completely get what your saying. Everytime I go home to KC it brings up lots of unresolved issues for me. Not only just that this was the place of my childhood upbringing so I associate it with "trauma" but my family is also extremely frustrating. It is almost like when I am leaving there I feel like the "hounds of hell" are chasing my car for a good 50 miles or so down the highway before I am able to become untensed. Your right, we do have so many things in common...
Are you still working with your counselor? If not, maybe it would help...I know for me I have had to realize that I am the only one I can change, as I cant change my dad, his nasty truck driver girlfriend whom I hate, my sister, or my crazy aunt and cousins who are on my mom's side. I am just glad that I don’t have to live there with that behavior surrounding me all the time...I'm sure I would be crazy and locked up somewhere.
Hi Sadsong, I posted a reply a few days ago but now it has disappeared...hmmm, I wonder where it went? Cyber space maybe? I checked my e-mail and "junk" mail and there wasn’t anything in there, so I will keep an eye out incase you send me another one.
On picking a therapist you should keep in mind the key reasons of why your going in the first place and when you call around for appointments just ask for a counselor that specializes in the certain areas that are essential for you to work on. There are many therapists that specialize in abuse, rape, eating disorders, and substance abuse issues. Not that you would fall into any of these catorgies...just giving an example to go on.