Has been a year...

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nickylynn
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 83
   Posted 7/5/2006 10:15 AM (GMT -7)   
    I have been going through for about a year and a half, but I didn't start getting until october last year.  With my depression started off my friends not wanting to be with me, I didnt eat much at or I wouldn't eat at all,  I started hurting myself by cutting myself.  At the beginning it was at least 4 times a day everyday.  When I finally went to my school counselor, it went down but it would "POP" up every once in awhile.  The cutting lead into the thought of suicide.  I cryed all the time.  When school ended things a lil better but during the summer.  I did this because I didn't want to go back to school where all of my problems began and were still there.  Then on August 26 I had a really good friend commit suicide.  He died September 4.  His death made be realize that people do care about you even though they don't like talking to you.  When I finally got help my therapist knew things already with out me syaing anything like I was sexually abused.  That was another problem that always resurfaces but now 9 months later I have gottan over it.
 
nickylynn, I'm sorry but I have had to edit parts of your post due to forum rules and guidelines #1 no discussion of suicide, or self-injury.  I left most parts intact where members will be able to get in idea of what your trying to say...Thank you - Elisha 

Post Edited By Moderator (els) : 7/6/2006 11:58:13 AM (GMT-6)


nickylynn
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 83
   Posted 7/5/2006 6:24 PM (GMT -7)   
To finish what I was saying,  But I'm still not over the cutting and not eating.  I have a really big problem with not eating and thinking that I'm getting too fat and I need to lose 10 pounds.  I weigh about 120 pounds and I'm 5'4.  No one understands me and I was hoping you could help me and give me ideas and listen to what I have to say.  Since no one around me does except my therapist but I'm not going to call her every minute of everyday.  Please

sooper
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2003
Total Posts : 815
   Posted 7/5/2006 7:12 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey there, im not sure rally what to say. I dont really undertsand the problems fully ? maybe you can elaborate more. I have done the whole cutting myself bit though as well, when I was younger and recently did self harm. If you have msn and wanna chat, im sooper@rock.com, feel free to add me if you need someone to talk to about anything.


I hope your feeling better. If you must, maybe you should start taking some anti-depressants ? or maybe more therapy. Hope to see your reply soon, hang in there.

Post Edited By Moderator (els) : 7/6/2006 11:52:18 AM (GMT-6)


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 7/6/2006 11:10 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi nickylynn,  welcome to Healing Well forum.  It sounds as if your going through quite a bit of stuff right now, and Im sorry for that.  There are many people here who have gone through the same experiances as you are and can lend support and advice.  I used to have an eating disorder when I was in high school which has followed me up until now, I do struggle with it everyday but have found the will power to overcome it and know that I need to eat to stay alive.  I was also sexually abused for several years by my stepfather and by not eating it was a way of punishing myself almost like I didnt deserve to eat.  I am 32 yrs old now hardly a child anymore and still have to attend thearpy for my abuse issues and eating disorder.  If you have felt that your over what happened to you that is great but that most certianly isnt the norm for survivors of sexual abuse. 
Here is an excellent website from HW's on cutting you may want to check out...take care


 


nickylynn
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 83
   Posted 7/6/2006 5:59 PM (GMT -7)   
Elisha Have you ever been to a point where you think you have gottan over the abuse but then you have second thoughts.  I have thought that way after a week of feeling good and that was 3 weeks ago.  With that feeling things are resurfacing.  What do you do to be on top of your abuse?

els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 7/7/2006 4:07 AM (GMT -7)   

Well, I was 3 yrs old when it started and 11 when it stopped.  I am 32 now...so yeah there have been times that I have felt that I had moved past it and moved on, maybe even had it in my heart to forgive him (even though I hadn’t seen him since I was 11).  For me though it was hard to realize that from that first day it started I was forever changed, and it has impacted my life in so many ways.  It has in lots of ways made me a very strong woman, cautious and careful of men and my surroundings.  But it has also tormented me for years and years.  It is always there even if im not thinking of it and come in-between relationships and friendships and greatly hurt my self esteem.  I don’t know if there is ever a point where you "get over it"; I just hope there is a point where I can live with it in peace.  I go to counseling now for it, and have tried a few times to write down my feeling but even now they are too toxic.  I refused counseling for so many years and wouldn’t talk about what happened so it is very difficult to let all that come out now I guess.

If you ever have any questions or need anything at all please feel free to just ask or you can even e-mail me...

Elisha

http://www.healingwell.com/donate


 


nickylynn
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 83
   Posted 7/7/2006 6:11 PM (GMT -7)   
I hate it when people keep telling me that I need to move on.  The abuse happened in the past and I should be more focused on the future of my life.  I wish there was some way i could tell people that no matter how hard you try it gets worse.  Well for me it does.  One night, the 3rd of july, I had a really hard night.  I wanted to cut myself so bad that I could put a cut on every part of my body.  When I was getting my clothes for spending the night at my friend's house but I couldn't find it and they were waiting for me outside my house.  That is was stopped me from cutting but I know that will not always help me.  The other things I'm always concerned of is my appearence.  I hate looking at myself in the mirror and i know if I lose to much I can't play any sports like my favorite, Basketball and up coming is volleyball.  I'm just really confused that I don't know what to do anymore.
~nickylynn~

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