Hi Susan, I also wanted to add my welcome to Healing Well to you. We are happy to have you join our community here. This is a wonderful place to find information and support, the people here are always willing to help and lend a hand no matter what they are going through themselves. I think that is a wonderful thing to see.
I could have typed this post for you a few years ago. I'm so sorry you are lonely. Lonliness is so hard because you can't fix it by yourself. I understand your predicament. I've always had a lot of friends but, I'm careful and nervous. This tends to come across as standoffish and reserved. I know I have potential friends all around me but, I've never given enough of myself to become a true friend. My therapist quoted an 18th century british psychiatrist who said 'To be hidden is good, but a tragedy to never be found.' It felt true to me. If I can give you any advice it would be to.
1. Stop comparing yourself to everyone else
2. Set yourself some goals and work towards them. - Then over time compare 'new' self to your 'old' self and you'll know that your not perfect, but your better than you were.
Hi and welcome to the forum hun. I too think that a therapist could help, if you don't see one already.
I really hope that you start to feel better soon
Thank you stronglady and all of you wonderfully supportive people ! Your words come at a very opportune time - Today has been a very bad day - have been crying all day stopping only when I have been at work. Am getting frightened at the length and intensity of my feelings. There was a time when these feelings came and left soon but now it seems like they last longer and are more intense. I feel like I am invisible everywhere except for this message board. Like I could disappear without a trace and no one would care or even wonder why I did not show up to work the next day. My family I believe would secretly be relieved at having to not deal with me and my black depression ! Am I really of any use to any body - feeling unloved and uncared for !
I am sorry for being such a downer but I just dont feel like masking my feelings today - I just want to cry and cry till someone hears me and cares ! I am very religious and dont believe in suicide but I do pray that my end come soon so I dont have to deal with this pain any more !
I have tried to pray and find my strength in God - surely He will hear me - I have never voluntarily harmed anybody - maybe this is my penance this frightening horrible lonely shell of a life - but for how long and when will it end ?? I will try a therapist but find it hard to deal with clinical cold attitudes - I need the warmth and tenderness that I once knew and have now lost forever !