Sad, down and don't have motivation

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seahorsemusic
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 7/25/2006 5:00 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm new here but I decided to join in the hope to find some help and support. I think I am suffering from depression and I just don't know what to do.
 
I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years and I think that it has started me off being depressed. I have always had it in me looking back over the years but I think that this break up has made it worse. I am 25 and I just don't feel motivated about life anymore. Since breaking up with the bf I have realised I don't have very many friends and the friends I do still have aren't very close and I don't bother calling them or seeing them. I am lonely. I am also getting colds and flus every 2 weeks or so which means time off from work and I hate then having to go back to work and face everyone. I have had the past 2 and a bit weeks off from work, I have to go back but keep putting it off as I don't want to face it. I have to go back tomorrow though otherwise I won't have a job to go back to but its such a struggle for me to get out of bed of a morning and to actually go and get ready and go to work. I'm just worried of how my co-workers are going to react when I go back because one of them has been keeping in touch while I have been away and she said that even though my boss has been good about, the workers keep saying that I should just get fired because I'm never there, its going to be hard for me to face them all. I know I have to go back otherwise I will be unemployed and my motivation being the way it is I know I will find it hard to land another job. I just don't know how to face it though. I'm probably worrying over nothing and when I go back it probably won't be as bad as I'm thinking it will be but I still have it in my mind that everyone will hate me, but then I also hae the worry of getting there and not being motivated to actually do my job. I need help to try and get over this hurdle and to keep a routine so that I won't lose my job.
 
I just don't know what to do anymore. I've lost all direction, don't have any hobbies, hardly any friends, don't feel my age, still feel like a lost kid confused

Oldtimer
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2003
Total Posts : 208
   Posted 7/25/2006 6:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi,
 
Many years ago I went through a terrible time. I got some help from a therapist. But what helped most was group therapy. I learned I wasn't the only one going through a very tough ordeal.
 
You're not alone. Others are going through tough times as well. I'm sure you're aware of that.
 
Back when I was having the most trouble in my life, I found that small steps in the right direction helped a lot. When I say small steps, I'm talking about just getting out of bed. Then when I was out of bed, I'd say, ok - now just take a shower. Don't think any further ahead than that. That's what I did.
 
Everytime I took a step, I was in a different position to move forward another step.
 
As far as the boyfriend is concerned, I learned that there really isn't just one person for everyone. There are many people. But you have to get moving to meet them.
 
I know you don't have any hobbies now. Were there some in the past?
 
Make a list of things you would like to have happen in your life. Whether an item is possible now or not, doesn't matter. When you find something you want, it's amazing how the universe brings things into your life. But you have to get moving for that to happen.
 
When thinking about things you want in your life, do not just think of big things. Small things count as well. Even something as small as say a piece of cake, a movie, etc.
 
Well, that's all for now. I wish you all the best. And as I said above, the key is to get moving... no matter how small the step.
 
Ed

www.everyday-wisdom.com


CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 7/25/2006 6:57 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Seahorse,

Welcome! -- This is a great place. (I'm pretty new here myself, and there's been so much kindness and support.)

I had a run of colds and flu last year, and had similar anxiety to you about my job. It was shortly after a move from the north to the south of England and I think mainly my body wasn't used to all the new types of bugs it was encountering. But I was also very low, and I don't think my reserves were high enough to fight them. If you're suffering from depression that might not be helping you much on the reserves front either. And then of course being ill so much can't be helping you to feel good -- vicious circle, isn't it? Can you take yourself to the doc and explain a bit how you feel? My doc checked me for immune system problems (which came back all ok) and put me on some anti-depressants to help me through the bad patch. All the colds and flu have stopped whacking me now.

Ed gave you really good advice about the small steps and lists. Don't forget to congratulate yourself when you do do something difficult too. -- I know you're probably focusing on the negatives with the going back to work stuff: just try to remember that you're doing something tricky for you at the moment, and maybe make a point of getting yourself a treat for supper on the way home as a bit of a reward.

Take care,
Rosie

els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 7/25/2006 9:37 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi seahorsemusic, Pretty screen name...Welcome to healing well forum.  It is very difficult ending a long-term relationship; we have all been there at some point in our life.  You have received some excellent suggestions thus far, what I would add to it are that depression even situational depression, which is temporary or short-term, can bring about illnesses as you have described.  I would most certainly speak to your physician regarding this matter and have a physical done to rule out any health problems.  Perhaps, a light antidepressant for a few months to help get you over this hump would be in order but that is up to you and your doctor to decide if that course of treatment is appropriate. 

As for your job don’t worry so much what your co-workers are saying as I am sure that these people are the ones that most likely gossip about everyone and their opinions and comments may not be taken into consideration as deciding factors with the higher ups.  If your supervisor has not addressed a problem about your attendance with you then I would not stress on the possibility of loosing your job.  I understand that this kind of situation does make for an unfriendly environment for you to want to go to work in everyday. 


Elisha

http://www.healingwell.com/donate


 


LondonGirl22
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 1629
   Posted 7/25/2006 10:33 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi,

Welcome to Healing Well. I'm sorry to hear about your relationship ending. Depression can often cause people to be run down and physically ill and usually the illnesses are viral like what you have described. I rememebr when I was really depressed, I was getting ill non stop.
It would be good to speak to your doctor about how you are feeling and possibly think about an antidepressant to help you through this time. It won't take away all of your problems but it will definatley lift your mood and help you to cope.

I can understand your feelings about your job as ve had time off and worry what people are saying etc. I agree with els, it probably just gossipy people tht have othing better to do with their lives. If you go back to work, please try not to let this get to you or prevent you from going back. If your boss hasn't raise any issue about sick time then I wouldn't worry. You can't lose your job over it as it's discrimination.

Take care and I hope things get better for you soon

Victoria
cherish all your happy moments....they make a fine cushion for old age


Joan M
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 1973
   Posted 7/25/2006 4:44 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi, I sympathize, I am afraid of falling into a hole of despair. My body has a lot of ailments and I am also alone.

Peace everybody and good vibrations.

alittleunwelll
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 22
   Posted 7/25/2006 8:12 PM (GMT -7)   
I agree with "old-timer", get out of bed, get dressed, shower, brush your teeth, your hair.  I have so been where you are.  I went for a long time without taking care of myself, my home, my family.
i also agree that if you have a family physician, go see him. If you don't have health insurance, some local health departments offer help.

seahorsemusic
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 7/26/2006 6:43 PM (GMT -7)   
Well I didn't end up going back to my job. I just couldn't face doing it. I ended up writing an email to my boss explaining my situation and resigned from my job, he didn't reply but I guess thats because he has probably had enough of me not being there anyway and it easier if he just finds someone else. So now I am unemployed. Its kind of funny but all the fear and worry I had in me about going back to work has now left me and I'm feeling quite calm and relaxed, even though I am now worried as to when my next pay check will be, considering there are still bills to be paid even though I'm without a job. I think I need to focus on getting better though and that is important. I'm thinking of applying to a few temp agencies to put my name down incase they have any short contracts I can do to enable me to get an income but also give me time to heal. Time will tell what will happen though.
Wish I could fix my relationship, I really know in my heart we are meant to be together and it just hurts that he feels there is too much water under the bridge to fix things. I can't make someone want to be with me though and I have to understand that :-(

Thanks for all of your support. You are all very friendly and lovely people :-)

Joan M
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 1973
   Posted 7/27/2006 7:20 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi seahorsemusic...you are probably better off without that job. Signing up with temp agencies is an excellent thought. Going to see your doctor is a very good idea too. Maybe you can get a temporary disability check, eh?

Hope you feel better. Yes, you must pull yourself out of bed and shower, etc. Get out of the house.

Can anybody help you out financially, relative-wise or friend-wise?

I am rooting for you.

LondonGirl22
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 1629
   Posted 7/27/2006 8:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi SeahorseMusic,

Sorry about the job, but maybe you did the right thing for you. Try looking for a job now that you will really enjoy. Waht have you always wanted to do more than anything? Its beeter to get a job you think you will enjoy than just going for anything. I know that the money situation is obviousley very important though as you don't wnat to get into any debt.
The temp agency sounds like a good plan for now. Hope that goes well.

Keep in touch and let us know how you get on

Take care of yourself
cherish all your happy moments....they make a fine cushion for old age

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