Stress and Depression

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Sadsong
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 7/29/2006 8:22 AM (GMT -7)   
Does anyone else tend to have more intense symptoms when they are stressed?  I've been bending over backwards for one of my bosses at work and working lots of extra hours to complete my work plus my boss's work, since she can't seem to accomplish the things she's agreed to do.  It's very frustrating.  Plus, the work that I do get done, she revises and sometimes completely redoes.  It's like all of the work that I just did was for nothing.  At meetings, I feel like I'm not allowed to speak, since she just talks over me, or points out all of the things that I did wrong, or ignores me.  She goes on all of these really long tangents that are not germane to the discussion and then cuts me off at the end of the meeting when all I need is 30 more seconds to finish giving my presentation. GRRR! nono
 
She could tell that I was very upset at the end of our last meeting, so we're suppose to talk about it on Monday.  Does anyone have any ideas of how I should approach this?  
 

CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 7/30/2006 3:26 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Sadsong,

Sounds like your boss might even feel a bit threatened by you if you're the one doing the jobs she's supposed to be doing -- which would also account for her changing things you've done, as if to prove the point that she's boss. Ate is absolutely right: document everything!! She sounds a lot like my manager, but I'm fortunate to have a bigger boss than her who knows she's an idiot and who likes me (so "ner" to her!). It's really hard to hold conversations like the one you've got coming up with people like this, because they want to show how "boss-like" they are, and you know full well that they're pretty inept and you have little respect for them.

Maybe let her lead the meeting (but be prepared for her to make it sound like you must be generally stressed to have been upset in the meeting, even though you know it's her stressing you out). Don't give her the upper hand by showing how upset it makes you. Respond to any questions she asks, and if you have ore to say, say it as calmly as you can at the end of the meeting. Perhaps you could tell her that you'd like more definable boundaries as to what your job entails and more control over the work you submit. Most importantly, stop helping her out of holes by finishing stuff for her (don't tell her this in your meeting!): if she wants to dig herself a hole by being inefficient, let her go ahead and do it!!

Take care,
Rosie x

els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 7/30/2006 10:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Sadsong, grrrr.... I had a supervisor just like that and it is very frustrating.  She was always changing her mind and I had to constantly change things to keep up with her train of thought.  Of course, I was also in a management position at that time and she couldn’t afford to lose me so I could pretty well say anything to her and believe me when she pushed too far I did.  As far as your boss is concerned, if she doesn’t like the work your doing and feels the need to change it then she either needs to let you know how she wants it done or do it herself.  In my opinion.  Her cutting you off in meetings when your talking shows lack of respect for you and what you have to say, I wouldn’t be surprised if others haven’t picked up on this also.    So, your putting in all these hours and working extra hard and don’t feel like your accomplishing anything or have the appreciation of your dedication and hard work from your supervisor.  I would say something to her about it when you speak to her on Monday and of course like the others have said make sure you document...let us know how it goes...Hugs

Elisha

http://www.healingwell.com/donate


 


Chuckle.xxx
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 624
   Posted 7/30/2006 10:15 AM (GMT -7)   

I definately feel that my symptoms get more tense when I am stessed. I think you ought to be straight and honest with your boss and tell her straight exactly what is bothering you.

Hope it all goes well for you...


Take care
 
Chuckle
 
xxxx
 
 
I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I GOT TO THE POST OFFICE!!!!!!!!
YEAH, I AM SOOOOO WONDERFUL!!!!!


Sadsong
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 9/3/2006 9:57 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey everybody -

Alaska is amazing! I realy feel like myself again. I'm going out and hanging out with people and I'm so engaged with life, I really feel ALIVE again. It's absoulutely fantastic! :) The first few days were hard to adjust, but once I settled into Denali and started talking it up with folks around me, I just didn't care what anybody thought and began to open up again and laugh and tell jokes and just be "in the moment". It is really really really cool! Plus, I still have another week here to go! :))))))))

Hope everyone else can find a special moment in their day to cherish!

stronglady4me
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 470
   Posted 9/3/2006 10:27 AM (GMT -7)   
Sadsong, so glad that you are having a great time. Is this a vacation or a permanent move?

I just read this post for the first time and the thing that hit me is that you are working for someone you will never be able to please. Why are you taking on her work? If you are covering for her then the higher ups will never see what she is doing. Try to focus on your work, do it to the best of your ability and gain the satisfaction you can from that. Just because this person is a supervisor doesn't mean that she is right about your work. I wonder if you somehow threaten her? If she sees you working hard and she can't possibly keep up with her own job, she may feel threatened by that. She rewrites your work because she is trying to keep control. I can't imagine that your work is in such need of rewriting.

Now, for the "easier said than done" portion of my post. If you are happy in Alaska perhaps a move to Alaska or at least a new situation would be great. At the very least a new job. You don't have to let go of the job you have right now but you can be looking for a better situation. I have always had to "get over" the "better the devil I know" syndrome but have never regretted taking charge, making a change and gaining new experiences.

Enjoy the heck out of Alaska!
Stronglady4me
Walk in harmony


CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 9/3/2006 12:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Sadsong,

Great to hear from you -- and to hear you so positive!! :)

I *totally* agree with Strong here. If you love Alaska and it has given you yourself back, you should find a way of getting to be there permanently. It's not often in this life that we find somewhere that syrikes such a great chord with us! It may seem like a massive task right now to make such a move, but when you get back you should start planning a list of all the things you'd have to do to make this happen -- and then try to do one thing a day towards that goal. It should make working for that moron boss of yours easier if at the end of the day you can go home and get back to your plans for leaving her well behind too!

You keep having a wonderful time!!

Rosie x
********************

People are not like fish: they do not work well battered.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded...

********************

 
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum


Kala
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 50
   Posted 9/3/2006 2:19 PM (GMT -7)   
You dont have to much to lose if your completely honest with her...and you will feel alot better by doing that!! You shouldnt hold back it just makes everything build up and who knows what could happen.

Im one of those people where i wont tell you how i feel when you make me mad...i take it and take it....until finally i snap at the wrong person...so dont hold it in it just hurts more in the long run no matter how small it is
&& maybe when people say you've changed
its because you stopped living your life, their way...


My reflection makes me sick
The pain we feel is nothing new
Prescription drugs and photographs
Love, loneliness and nervous laughs
What you call misery through anxious eyes
Is something I can’t see..


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 9/4/2006 4:07 AM (GMT -7)   
Oh Sadsong, I am so glad that your having a wonderful time on your vacation!  While you have this precious time away dont think of work or anyother thing back home...just enjoy yourself.  Be safe my friend...Luvs ya

Elisha

Co~Mod: Depression

Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease

http://www.healingwell.com/donate


xxlucexx
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 9/4/2006 4:56 AM (GMT -7)   

i am only 15 and i recently lost my dad to cancer just 7 months ago. i feel extremly down and depressed all the time and it doesn't go away.

to make things worse i fell out with my group of freinds and now only have a few girl friends becuase the rest of them are boys. so i am worried about going back to school.

my boyfriend also has been told things that i have supposedly done. none of which are true. its my old group of friends who are saying things and i am worried i will lose him like everything else in my life.

me and my mom aren't speaking after a severe argument she has grounded me and took away my mobile fone . also becuase of this my sister isnt't speaking to me

i am so lost and unsure what to do

anyone got any ideas with any of my problems?


Sadsong
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 9/11/2006 3:35 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi all -
 
Perhaps I should have started a new thread...  This was the first one of mine that I came across, so I thought I'd post how my vacation was going.  I'm back home now.  
 
After an 11 hour flight (one 45 minute lay over in TX) I arrived safely back to the east coast!   :-)    The trip was exactly what I needed to unwind and destress!  Sure, the first few days were rough (I was very anxious and worried, but once I settled in and figured out how to use the bus system and met up with some of my friends who live in the area I became much more relaxed.)  I even started to listen to my needs and act without analyzing every decision before I made it. tongue
 
It was really great to be able to connect with other people and just listen to their stories and share my own! 
 
As far as my job is concerned,  I love my job.  It's my dream job.  It's exactly what I've wanted to do since I fell into grad school.  I love the people (most of the time).  I love the benefits and I love what I do.  The folks I work with are the most caring and understanding and suportive people that I have ever worked for before.  (And I've had A LOT of jobs before in a whole range of disciplines.)  It just that one of my bosses (I have two, since I work half time for two separtate programs) can get very anal and controlling.  We've talked and she completely acknowledges that she can be very controlling.  She apologized for interupting me at out last meeting. 
 
I feel as though I was always walked away from confrontation whenever I feel uncomfortable and it's time for me to start speaking up for myself and being more assertive.  It's just that since I've been such a push over for so long, it seems like it will take quite a bit of effort on my part to show others that I do not want to just roll over and do whatever I am told to do, but instead have more of a give and take relationship that is more respectful of my needs and more balanced.

CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 9/11/2006 4:26 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh Sadsong -- wow, what a difference your holiday has made!!! :) You sound so upbeat and centred. I'm *really* pleased that the trip did this for you -- your new med is one trip to Alaska a year!! And to hear you speak about your job and your controlling boss now -- it's like a new you -- a happier, more confident and focused you who is IN CONTROL!! :) You've no idea how much this post made me smile for you. Great going sadsong -- I'm *so* pround of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rosie x
********************

People are not like fish: they do not work well battered.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded...

********************

 
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum


Sadsong
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 9/12/2006 4:59 PM (GMT -7)   
It seems to me that that once we're able to stop focusing so much energy on our own pain then we can see that there is an entire world out there with some amazing people in it that are really interesting and fun to be with.  But, in order to get there we need to be able to believe in ourselves and just let our impulses take over.  I mean sure there were some times when I didn't feel like myself and I didn't always speak up, but the folks I found on my trip and hung out with were an amazing group of people who truly respected others and listened to my needs and were more than willing to make sure that everyone's needs in the group were met.  It was a really cool trip.  I now have some great invitations to visit some very interesting places both near and far and some new friends to meet up with even in my own state!  It's just really amazing to see where things can lead once you start a conversation with someone!  One thing leads to another and the next thing you know you're in a fancy sports car hiking up a mountain to see a glacier with a bunch of strangers that you've never met, but are now really great friends with!  :)

els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 9/13/2006 4:21 AM (GMT -7)   
Wow Sadsong! I am so happy that you had such a wonderful time on your trip and have met some new friends. What an amazing experiance... :-)

Elisha

Co~Mod: Depression

Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease

http://www.healingwell.com/donate


Sadsong
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 9/15/2006 2:02 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks ladies -
 
I had quite a lot of time to reflect on my trip and I made some remarkable discoveries that were pretty profound.  I mean it seems like we all go through ups and downs and we are just one small  dot in this amazing and everchanging world.  My trip really helped put my problems into perspective since I was surrounded by all of this amazing wilderness that screamed survival of the fittest.  I mean I saw a wolf chowing down on a Dall sheep.  Now, ya don't see that ever day!  Especially in the city!  :)  That in and of itself showed me that each day is precious and I should live life to the fullest especially since there is so much more to experience!  
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