If your spouse,friends,b/f.g/f read your posts

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ShynSassy
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Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 8/1/2006 5:17 AM (GMT -7)   
Would you lose trust in them? I mean this site is so personal. And I for one spill my guts on here.
I was just thinking about that, I do not think my b/f has read them. But I almost thought about hiding it somehow just in case.
Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia


CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 8/1/2006 8:07 AM (GMT -7)   
Good question Shy! I'd really like to suggest to my depressed/bipolar (awaiting diagnosis) ex that he checks this site out, but then I realised he might be mortifed to find that I've asked questions on a couple of boards relating to him and his behaviour ... and I now always sign off with my name so it's not as if I could claim it must be someone else!

As for how I'd feel about him knowing how I felt, I'm not sure that would be such a bad thing -- for me or others. -- If they're truly interested in your happiness, they'll be keen to know more and help; if they act badly over it, they're not what you need in your life.

Rosie x

BrodyDog
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 24
   Posted 8/1/2006 12:13 PM (GMT -7)   
I used to think it would be a good idea for my husband to see what I had posted on this and other boards. I no longer feel that way. Even though we have a new understanding of my situation and he is totally on board with getting me the help I need. I kind of treat my posts like therapy. It's the only kind I have right now. I feel very protective of the things I share here. I have shared some things here that he doesn't even know about. I sure wouldn't want him to find out some of the most personal aspects of my past by reading them in a public forum. Granted he knows most of the biggies anyway, but still. He has been through so much. I have hurt him so much over the years. I couldn't imagine how he would feel knowing I could share some of these things with you guys and not him. I think the only person I would feel the least bit comfortable with reading my post would maybe be my therapist(which I may just have one of. keep you posted). And that would only be because of the dr/patient confidentiality. These are just my feelings on the subject. I'm sure not everyone will agree.
TC,
Donna
It's like by setting it free, part of it leaves my soul. That helps me survive. I will continue to survive.


LondonGirl22
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 1629
   Posted 8/2/2006 2:04 AM (GMT -7)   
I let my boyfriend read some of my posts. He was worried when I first started using this site as he is a bit sceptical and was concerned about who I was talking to on the internet.
He thinks the site is a good place.
Its taken me a long time to tell him everything but there are now no secrets between us and he knows everything about my life and my depression and anxiety and is wonderfully supportive so I'm a bit the opposite as I don't mind him seeing what I post. He would never enter the site without me being on it though. All he does is look over my shoulder when he's bringing me a cup of tea.
I can undersatnd how you all feel though about the worry of your other half seeing what you have written as there may be things they don't know about. All I can say is, everything for me got so much better once Michael knew about everything. It helps to be able to share with him what Im going through. He goes through it with me.
Take care everyone

Victoria
cherish all your happy moments....they make a fine cushion for old age


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 8/2/2006 4:05 AM (GMT -7)   

I have mixed feelings on this topic.  When I first started to post here on this board I posted over in the MS forum.  I was having many difficulties with my physical symptoms of that but also with my depression and my new autonomic disorder was going all-haywire.  It made for quite the combination.  Needless to say my mom whom I live with currently, found out that I was posting here and being concerned for me and what I was going through as I wasn’t talking to her, made herself an account and logged on to see what I was posting and saying.  She did this a few times and once she saw for herself that I was talking to people and it wasn’t something negative she stopped coming on.  However, her doing this did greatly bother me as I felt that she invaded my privacy in a way.  I didn’t invite her to see what I was writing on here.  I spoke with her about it and told her how I felt.  Once that was done, I was okay with her coming on and seeing whatever she wants too.  I think it was the whole going behind my back thing that got to me.

I do believe that for everyone who posts here it is up to you and your preference.  If you have someone close that knows you post here and you fear that they will log on and read what you have written than maybe you need to ask them not to do so.  Posting here can be as personal as writing in a journal except you have others that write back to you. IMO...

Elisha

http://www.healingwell.com/donate


 


normalsnofun
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 2500
   Posted 8/2/2006 5:33 AM (GMT -7)   
I have mixed feelings too. I like to think I tell my bf everything and thus would not mind him reading what I post but on the other hand, as els posted, I would not want it done behind my back.

els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 8/3/2006 3:24 AM (GMT -7)   
Yes ate it makes perfect sense.  If you invited him that would be one thing but for him to do so without your permission would be a violation of trust....


 


stronglady4me
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 470
   Posted 8/3/2006 10:57 AM (GMT -7)   
My husband and I recently went through this very issue. I post on a different board (fan site for a show he has never watched). He comes from a very dysfunctional childhood but is a survivor and turned himself into a wonderful, gentle, loving man (talk about pick of the litter). That of course does not mean that he is unscathed by his childhood, who is? At almost 50 he finally got to a place where he needed to deal with the childhood stuff and became aware of how it has effected his life as a husband and father to our kids. One of the things that he was struggling with is the guilt and frustration of realizing that he has never really heard me as a person. Before he took on this challenge there was a period of time when I knew it was coming but could also see that he had to come to the decision on his own to seek help. So I would escape my frustration though the fan site and by being in contact with an email circle that I am part of. I have always used a nom d' plume on the internet (strick rule in my house since the day my kids started using the internet) and so didn't think anything of it. One day my husband went on to the fan site and surfed around a bit. He recognized me from my posts even though I used a psuedo to identify myself. For him it was about trying to deal with the fears that being in therapy brought to him about my wanting him in my life (long story and his story so I won't go into it)and trying to more fully understand who I am, to me it was a breach of trust. He talked to me about the fan site and told me that he had been on it looking around. Since trust is one of his issues he got right away why it was an issue for me. It would not have been a big deal if he had told me ahead of time that he wanted to check out the site but because it was my way to have some private time and a break from what swirls around me everyday it felt like he had gone behind my back. He no longer goes to the site and has actually spent quite a bit of time beating himself up over the entire incident.

My advice, be sure how you feel about having him on the site in the first place. If you are talking about things here that you don't talk to him about is this a substitute for things you should be discussing with him? Are you just venting on this site? Are you using it as a trial run at an issue before you talkt to your boy friend? Let your boyfriend know that this is a place that you talk about personal things so that you can gain some perspective on all aspects of your life. Tell him that you think this is a site that would be beneficial to him but that he needs to understand the kind of support that you get here and that you are not willing to give that up. Chances are he will be curious enough to log on. You may have some interesting conversations come out of it and you may have some conflicts come out of it. Either way, strong relationships have to be able to move through difficult issues or the relationship won't last anyway.
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