Do I really need to see a doctor?

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miclillace
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 8/9/2006 11:24 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello guys! I'm so happy to come across this site. I don't know where to go for help and find people who are actually having the same problem as mine.

I never thought that I might be depressed until a few months ago when my younger brother died. While my parents were totally devastated, I was the one arranging everything. I didn't even cry during the funeral so I thought I was coping up well. The week after, I worked everyday til 3am in the morning. Then after that, it just hit me that he is gone. So I didn't go to work for like two weeks. Then before I started with another company, my boyfriend and I broke up. And I still can't get myself together until now.

For weeks, I wouldn't stop crying and the thought of committing suicide was on top of my options. I've been suicidal since I was 11 or 12 and actually did some stupid stuff from filling up capsules with crushed glass to taking in mercury from a thermometer (unfortunately, I'm still alive). I haven't thought of suicide since I got together with my boyfriend (now an EX) and when we broke up, I just felt like there was no reason to go on with my life. My parents hardly care. I live alone and they don't even ask how I am. My friends keep telling me to "move on" but it's not that easy to do.

I didn't go to work for another week and as much as I wanted to try to live my life, there's just something in me that keeps me from getting up. So I decided to see a psychiatrist, but I backed out when I was about to enter the clinic because the night before, a friend told me that there's nothing wrong with me and that I didn't need to see a shrink. I actually believed him and for the next few weeks I was doing fine.
I even enrolled myself to a salsa class every Saturday night and started running.

It hasn't even been a month yet and it's back. I couldn't get myself to get up for work again (missed 5 days of work now). I no longer cry but this suicide thing is still lingering in my mind. It's not like I don't want to live but I feel like I can't take it anymore. I don't want to go out. I dread sleeping because when I wake up, I would have to go to face a "normal day". Several times, I woke up when my alarm turned off, shower and get dressed and still chose to stay home. No matter how I tire myself, I still couldn't get tired enough to fall asleep. I know I need to go to work for money basically, but I can't have enough motivation.

Am I just making all these up? Do I really need help? Can't I really help myself get through this without any help from a doctor? I hate feeling like this, but I just can't easliy shake it off. It's been going on for more than a decade and I hate myself for being like this.

Sorry this is so long. Thanks in advance.

honey
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 64
   Posted 8/9/2006 12:05 PM (GMT -7)   
From what you've said you sound depressed. Am I qualified to tell you that... NO. Is your friend qualified to tell you that your not depressed... NO. If only to get diagnosed, you should probably see a Dr.

You have profound losses in your life. It is natural and healthy to feel a deep sadness for a period of time. It is NOT o.k or healthy to feel this way for 'more than a decade'. Again I say... you should probably see a Dr.

Your support network sounds thin. Your parents 'hardly care', your friends tell you to 'move on' or 'that theres nothing wrong with you'. Left on your own... well, you know what happens. Your Dr can get the full story, educate you, show you your options and support you in your decision. You should probably see one.

Do you really need to see a Dr? ... I vote yes.

Good luck and welcome

stronglady4me
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 470
   Posted 8/9/2006 12:09 PM (GMT -7)   
We are not doctors but we are qualified to answer your question:

YES you need to see a doctor. Don't wait, do not walk or pass Go, run to your physician and be as honest as you possibly can be about everything from 11 yrs old on.

CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 8/9/2006 12:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Miclillace,

Welcome to HW!

I've done exactly the same thing as you with the organising and not crying in a time of grief. In fact I was talking to my therapist about just this the other day. It's a way of coping, but often it does you more harm than good, and I know very well that the fallout can be almost unbearable -- and the guilt because I felt like it was wrong of me not to have "felt" more... .

From what you've written here, I'm 100% sure that you should see your doc -- and don't worry about bothering him/her unnecessarily: for the record, that's not what I think you'd ve doing, and anyway that's what they're there for -- to be told symptoms/feelings and to check you over and decide what needs to be done as and when appropriate. I think you know you need help too -- because you found us here and asked the question. I'm glad you did.

In the past I've also listened to well-meaning friends say "you're fine, you don't need help". None of them had ever suffered from depression, which to them was just being a bit down. For all they were trying to help, they set me back. I don't blame them and I'm *glad* they've never suffered depression (cos it SUCKS!!!), but, for all their well-meaning, I wish I hadn't listened.

You know your tendencies from the past and this is wonderful self-knowledge to help you recover now, but you may well need help with it (meds and therapy): as I say, please see your doc -- and see if you can rearrange that psych appointment (and don't worry, they'll have encountered this before -- goes with the territory!).

Rosie x
********************
People are not like fish: they do not work better battered.
 
********************


miclillace
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 8/9/2006 12:42 PM (GMT -7)   
Really, a lot of thanks to you guys. It's 3:40 am here and I still can't sleep cuz I hate to let another day pass by. I'll call for an appointment again later and this time, I'm really going.

By the way, this is a stupid question, but is depression really a health condition? I've read that it is, of course, but for some reason, I'm having a hard time convincing myself that it needs to be treated by a doctor. I feel like it's my fault that I'm suffering this because I let myself feel depressed. And since I chose to be in this situation, I could get through it whenever I wanted to. Apparently not! I'm wondering if any of you have thought the same.

CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 8/9/2006 12:50 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh yes, I've beaten myself up with that one before!! Yes, depression (true depression, rather than just the "I'm feeling depressed" bit that comes with life but shifts easily too -- lots of confusion with the word depression cos it can be used specifically or very loosely) is an illness and we're very lucky these days that medical minds have recognised it as such, that there's been so much research and that there are so many treatments available. Hey, in the 19thC you and I (and most people here!) would simply have been shuffled off to an asylum or prison for the things we've done (to ourselves!!) when depressed!!! Argh! That always reminds me to be grateful that I can get medical help, and that medical help has brought me real relief. Please don't blame yourself -- blame the chemicals that do weird things in our bodies!

I'm so glad you're going back to the doc. -- And, although not being able to sleep is horrid, at least going to the doc after that will help him/her get a good idea of how this is affecting oyu.

Take care Micl.
Rosie x


********************
People are not like fish: they do not work better battered.
 
********************

Post Edited (CounterClockwise) : 8/9/2006 3:42:01 PM (GMT-6)


stronglady4me
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 470
   Posted 8/9/2006 2:39 PM (GMT -7)   
Alright Mic, I'm so proud of you!  Go, Go, Go, Go, you can do it (imagine a little cheerleader smilie here).

honey
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 64
   Posted 8/9/2006 3:51 PM (GMT -7)   
hi Mic, good for you. Tell us how it goes at the Docs.

As for your question... is depression a health condition?... Good question. Health is the state of your body and mind, so a health condition would be something that affects the state of your body and/or mind. For me it's a no brainer depression is a health condition. These are my symptoms...

My mind is empty and lethargic, so is my body. I'm dizzy, sometimes don't sleep well, sometimes I don't wake up. <whispering> sometimes I get diarreah... shhh. I lose weight without changing my eating and yes... left to my own devices I can be self destructive. Now, pretend this isn't a depression forum and I came to you and stated all of these symptoms... wouldn't you tell me to see a Dr.

As to your comment about choosing depression. I have had this thought. In my religion we believe that god doesn't give us anything we can't handle. So when I was fighting depression and failing, I kept telling myself 'I'm not strong enough... why can't I beat this?.' I don't wallow in self pity, I run regularly, I eat healthily, I have many extra-curricular activities, I sleep well, have good health and a good support system... and I still end up in my kitchen carving a chunk out of my arm. If my dog was biting himself, I'd take him to the vet, if my battery acid was corroding my car engine, I'd take it to the mechanic. If I am not treating my body right, I take myself to the Dr. You are not sleeping, you are not working, you are not leaving the house.
You are making the right decision to see your Dr

CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 8/9/2006 11:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi all,

Honey, I'm so glad you give yourself a break on this front now. I don't think that being given only what we can handle means that we're only supposed to handle those things *alone*: handling something can be recognising it and allowing others (including docs) to help us -- in fact, isn't it better that way? After all, however much we cut ourselves off, humans are essentially social animals, and we all have different strengths: we use our strengths to help ourselves and others, but sometimes our strengths are also there to tell us that others have the capacity to help us (some of whose strengths involve medical training and the ability to prescribe medication that some with strengths in the development of medication have designed). -- I think that's the greatest thing about the "human package" -- we're all individuals but we also come as a "package deal"! Depression, in a sense, is a test of everyone's humanity, not just the ability of the individual to fight it -- and as this site shows, it does lead us to form bonds with others and give and receive help.

Rosie x
********************
People are not like fish: they do not work better battered.
 
********************


miclillace
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 8/10/2006 12:58 AM (GMT -7)   
I did it! The first thing I did when I woke up was take a shower, get dressed and left the house before I changed my mind. I didn't even call for an appointment so I waited for almost 2 hours. I didn't know what to say at first (it's just too awkward to say "I'm depressed"), good thing she started asking me questions and I briefly told her everything. Diagnosis: Chronic Depression.

Are you familiar with Cymbalta? Have any of you took the same med? She said that I'm going to be under medication for a minimum of 1 year since my depression has been going on for years. I'm seeing her again next Saturday.

Now, I don't know if it's a good idea to inform my superior about this. I already missed 7 days of work and I'm running out of alibi. I don't even want to tell my family or friends about this. Is it right to keep this to yourself for now?

Michel

Akram
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 8/10/2006 2:07 AM (GMT -7)   
hi mic,

I used to have a problem in sleeping too , so did my father, with the doctor's help and determination I managed solve it, but i had to push myself a lot till nature took it's way and i sleep normally now. and i can control how much I sleep too, for instance in the weekend i sleep more, but when it ends i go back to my internal clock

What I did to stop sleeping is sort of setting your internall lock. I never sleep after 1 AM, i'm always at bed even if I slept durring the day but it will be harder when u do that. so nowi i am very sleepy in the evening. also keep your day beesy wth things, even as mall as walking in your niebhourd

Always don't go alone to do sometihing for fun, like watching a movie or a game, like ice hocky or nasketball etc. ask your friends or word buddies, or school friends to come.

Regards
Akramh
                                                     To be or not to Be

Post Edited (Akram) : 8/10/2006 6:02:05 AM (GMT-6)


honey
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 64
   Posted 8/10/2006 5:07 AM (GMT -7)   
Good on ya Michel!!!!!!!

Sure you can keep it to yourself for now, keep it to yourself forever if you like. You don't have to tell your Superior anything about depression although you might like to find an explanation for all your missed days at work.

CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 8/10/2006 5:34 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Michel --

Hooray for you: this is excellent news!! I know that awkward feeling when you get to the doc -- glad yours is good at prompting! It's sometimes hard to find a good doc for depression, but yours sounds really clued up -- and it's good that she's monitoring your progress with your return visits.

I've not taken Cymbalta (I don't *think*: it could have a different name in the UK, as is often the case). I've seen the name come up on this board though, so I'm sure someone will be able to talk to you more about it. I think your doc has a realistic idea of how long you'll be on this too -- never good to discontinue too early (especially after prolonged episodes of depression).

I don't know about reporting to your superior on this: it really depends what kind of relationship you have with him/her and whether you feel you'd be telling about this because you'd find it *helpful* or you think you *should*... . Many workplaces have occupational health advisers, however, and I made sure I informed them of my past episodes of depression when I started my current job. If you have this facility at your workplace, I'd seriously consider popping in to see them -- take your prescription with you and make clear that you have sought treatment for it. Essentially no-one can discriminate against you for your condition, and informing occupational health or an equivalent can help put your mind at ease that this will not happen to you. The person I saw was actually really understanding and just wanted to ensure that I knew they would help if needed.

Congratulations again!

Rosie x
********************
People are not like fish: they do not work better battered.
 
********************


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 8/10/2006 7:11 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi miclillace,  I just wanted to take a moment to welcome you to healing well forum, we are happy to have you.  I see that you have received some very good advice and suggestions from our members so far.  Everyone here is so supportive and always willing to share information.  I hope you continue to visit us here as this site is an excellent resource for support.  Take care


 


miclillace
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 8/10/2006 7:17 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Elisha! Thank you very much for welcoming me here. I'm really grateful to have found this forum. Your advice gave me the courage to finally seek professional help. In fact, I could hear your words as if you really talked to me, when I was waiting outside the doctor's office. Again, thanks!

stronglady4me
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 470
   Posted 8/10/2006 9:22 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey!!!!! I'm so proud of you. These were all difficult steps and you did them brilliantly!

about keeping this to yourself. I think that family and work are two different things. Check out the What are We Afraid of thread for more of my "opinioons" regarding secrets. I really do think that secrets five power to the things that hurt us. I would not tell anyone at work because it is none of their busines as long as you are getting your work done. To a boss it would just be an excuse. Your family is a different issue. You are the only one that knows about how safe it is to tell your family but my thinking on that one is that you should tell them to take the power out of the issue.

LondonGirl22
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 1629
   Posted 8/10/2006 2:39 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Miclillace,

Just wanted to welcome you to the forum and say how sorry I am for your loss.
Youve recieved excellent advice from everyone here.
Keep in touch with us.
Take care
God bless
Victoria x
 
cherish all your happy moments....they make a fine cushion for old age
 
dx: IBS 2002, Ulcerative Colitis 2004, Depression 2004, Anxiety 2005
 
meds: lexapro 10mg, prednisilone 10mg, mebeverine 20mg
 
 

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