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Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 200
   Posted 8/11/2006 10:03 PM (GMT -6)   
For those who dont know me I am a husband of a severly depressed wife ,trying to get by day by day .
I have a question to ask of anyone who would like to share there input.
7 years ago I was working a great job 70k a year ,drinking lots,got in trouble with police lost license ,a couple years  later ,changed jobs so I could still provide for my wife ,kid to follow .the problem was I took a 20-30k paycut and hate my job.
My wife of course loves having me go to work and come home with her at the end of the day ,she drops me off then goes to her job ,we have one vehicle.
so fast forward to last nite .,my wife wakes me up and asks me if I regret anything ie:work education ...anyways I enjoy doing my line of work so I answered her by telling her I regret my job in fact I hate it ...but she likes it....
so I get to work and check my email and low and behold the company I used to work for had emailed me and are on a head hunting mission and offered me my job back making 70k+
So after work she picks me upp and I tell her about it ,she gets home has some wine and gets half lit and starts talking about me going back to my old job.
I have been sober for 5 years now and have grown up alot since my drinking tars ,but I think she is scared that i will go back to that way I try to tell her that part of my life is over ,I have no desire to drink. I am getting a mixed vibe and really want some advice from someone who suffers from D as you guys are always honest here !!!
I would go back tommorow to my old job but Its like I told my wife the final decision will be made by both of us as she has to be cool with it .I am affraid that she will tell me to go back only because she knows I dont enjoy where I am now .
SO what should I do ?????

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 470
   Posted 8/11/2006 11:42 PM (GMT -6)   

First of all you and your wife are the only people who can answer this.  Most of know what we need to do, it is only a matter of working up the courage to do it.  You know inside what you need to do.

My thoughts about your lovely wife are this.  My husband used to drink.  Fortunately it was not for years because I don't think I could have stood it if it were.  He realized on his own that he was in too deep and stopped.  I know that he has grown a lot and has no desire to return to drinking.  That is what my head knows, what my heart knows is that there is still a fear that it could happen again because alcoholism is such a strong desease.  Of course the only way I will know that he won't drink again is to continue my life with him through all of the changes that happen naturally. 

Love shouldn't hurt.  To me that means that the sacrafices that we make for those we love should also not hurt.  Your drinking hurts your wife.  Your current job hurts you.  Your old job and what it did to you hurt your wife.  This is too big for both of you to see objectively, get some professional help to work this out.  Do you have a minister or therapist that you can see soon so that you have a chance to work this through before the job offer expires?

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 8/12/2006 1:13 AM (GMT -6)   

This sounds like a trust issue.  You trust yourself to go back to a well paying job and not fall back into old drinking habits.  Your wife remembers those old days and doesn't trust you to stay sober.  You've obviously rebuilt some of her trust by the years of sobriety; if you tackle this and succeed, her trust will continue to grow.  If you go for it and then drink, you'll loose all you have gained.  Difficult decision for both of you.

I agree that counseling would help right now - reaching a sort of arbitration type of agreement so that you both will feel safe to move forward.  Good Luck!   :-)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 8/12/2006 5:38 AM (GMT -6)   

Hi Ya James, I think it should attest to your strength to stay sober when you have alcohol in your house and your spouse is drinking in front of you and you resist the temptation to follow.  I can see where your wife would need reassurances from you that you would not go back to drinking or fall back into those old habits once you went back to your prior position.  Sitting down and discussing this together would be a great idea and perhaps writing out a list of pro's and con's to you taking the job.  You could even go so far as to write out a contract with her saying something like should the job start to demand too much pressure on you and you start to drink again that you will terminate your job and go to AA or rehab.  Maybe something along these lines would help make her feel a little more secure in your word that you wont do this. 

I am sure you will get some more suggestions hopefully…please let us know how it goes…good luck :-)


Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 1629
   Posted 8/12/2006 5:51 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi James,
This is a tough decision for you I know.  I can understand how you are feeling as you need to be happy in the job that you do but I can also understand your wife's opinion too.  She links the old job with your drinking so it is understandable of her fear that this will happen again.
It sounds like you are a much stonger person now than you were before but I would still suggest some counselling or even talking to you GP before making this decision.  You and your wife need to do a lot of talking and make this decision between you.
I wish you all the luck and I wish you happiness.  Please let us know what you decide.
Victoria x
cherish all your happy moments....they make a fine cushion for old age
dx: IBS 2002, Solitary Rectal Ulcer Syndrome 2004, Depression 2004, Anxiety 2005
meds: lexapro 10mg, prednisilone 10mg, mebeverine 20mg

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