Having a bad day

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Aurora60
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1249
   Posted 8/12/2006 5:46 PM (GMT -7)   
Just when I think I am doing better something happens and I feel really bad again.  I was talking with my best friend today and she often has a way of saying something that really hurts my feeliings.  I know she doesn't mean to but she can't understand my situation.   Nothing bad has ever happened in her life.  The worst thing she ever experienced was her father dying at age 95.  She has four wonderful, intelligent children, a loving and devoted husband, a beautiful house - she leads a charmed life and she can't understand anything about my depression.  She thinks you can just snap out of it.  I try not to let her know when I am feeling bad - she mostly is very good company and we go to lunch and the movies often.  She just doesn't understand that she shouldn't tell me some things that she has to know upset me.  I often think she enjoys making me feel bad or not included.  What set me off today was her telling me that another friend I have known for years is not inviting me to her daughter's wedding.  She says it is a small wedding and I don't know the girl well enough but I have been friends with this girl for more than 20 years.  Maybe I am being too sensitive but I always feel awful when I am excluded.  I think it may go back to childhood when I was not popular and not included in things.  I am just feeling rotten right now so would appreciate any replies.

janetlee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1986
   Posted 8/12/2006 6:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Your "best friend"? Sounds like to me that you are someone that she can have around to make herself feel good by bringing you down. Her life may not be as charmed as she'd have you believe. I wouldn't want to be around someone that won't at least TRY to be UNDERSTANDING, 'though they can't UNDERSTAND---there is a difference between the two afterall. HAve you had an open honest discussion with her about how you feel? Not in an accusing tone, but in just a "gee, that hurts my feelings when you...." If she's a true friend, she'll want to take your feelings into consideration. If not, well....
I wish you the best!
janet
Bless the beasts and the children...


stronglady4me
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 470
   Posted 8/12/2006 7:12 PM (GMT -7)   
Aurora friends don't hurt each other. Even if this lady considers herself your friend she is just plain inconsiderate and you have every right to let her know how much her "comments" hurt. You have the right to stand up for yourself in any relationship.

miclillace
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 8/13/2006 12:24 AM (GMT -7)   
Some people just don't understand how serious depression really is. If they can handle problems and disappointments well, they think you can too. I think that's when they start being insensitive. Not that they mean to but they just think if they can, well why can't you... Janet and stronglady are right. I think you should talk to her about your feelings, otherwise she would keep on doing that, thinking that it's ok with you. But if she refused to be considerate of your feelings, then I guess it's up to you if you'd like to keep her as a friend.

LondonGirl22
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 1629
   Posted 8/13/2006 3:22 AM (GMT -7)   
Aurora,
 
Im sorry your friend made you feel like that.  Have you made her aware of how she makes you feel?  It might help to talk to her about it.  I once had a friend who used to make me feel dreadful and I told her how she made me feel and how much she could upset me and she didn't even realise she was doing it.  Some people can be cruel without even realising.
It can be hard for others to understand depression but if this person is your best friend she should really try to understand you and what you are going through and want to try and help you.
Think about talking to her about all of this and it might bring ehr to her senses.
 
Take care Aurora
Victoria x
 
cherish all your happy moments....they make a fine cushion for old age
 
dx: IBS 2002, Solitary Rectal Ulcer Syndrome 2004, Depression 2004, Anxiety 2005
 
meds: lexapro 10mg, prednisilone 10mg, mebeverine 20mg
 
 


IFIXDIT
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 35
   Posted 8/13/2006 8:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Aurora60,
To feel left out is the pits. I know how difficult it is even when the snub isn't intentional. My wife and I were at a memorial service for a mutual friend that brought a lot of old friends together fot the first time in many years. I had been part of that group. But when it came time to talk of old times it was as if i didn't exist. I felt I tried to participate but the crcle kept closing. I'm not sure what I'm trying to add here but the feeling of exclusion for any reason real or imagined is hard. I'd like to think your "friend" is just unaware of the affect she had. But just maybe her world isn't perfect and she needs to hear how hurtful it is to be told you don't know someone well enough or that your not on the A list for a small wedding. I would hope she wouldn't quote the bride or her mother to you. It's not her place to explain or define why you would be left out. 20 years is a lot of get-to-know-you time.
You are not alone and from what I read part of a good circle here. Take care and I hope I helped

imisbabygrl
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 8/14/2006 10:32 PM (GMT -7)   

    I am so sorry your friend is a jerk. She problely has no idea what she has done.

  I have also had a similar experiance.Years ago I just had had a misscarrige, I was more than just sad.

 My best friend said to me "Snap out of it. Get on with your life." I know she ment well, was trying to help in her own way. I never forgave or forgot. That was 5 years ago. She is still my friend. Though I will never tell her a personal problem again.

     The moral to this story is never forget who your true friends are.

               Good luck. You will find a true & loyal friend if you just look around at who has been   there with you no matter what.

                                                Michelle

Sadcat
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 8/15/2006 12:14 AM (GMT -7)   
I totaly understand how you feel and I have the same feeling as you do. For example I have days, where I'm just in a super great mood and i'm strong and feel like I can do so much in life and follow my goals and everything is going good as well. But then the days come of course where I feel very very different and just so sad. And that comes all of sudden too. Like today. I had a horrible day and i've been just so sad and could just simply cry out of no where all day long.
My brother has depression and he started talking with me about this last year. I had those terrible down days during the years more often, but never really thought about this that this could be depression. And if, then I would never tell anyone about it, because I'm afraid that I they won't like or think that i'm crazy or whatever..and i scared i will loose this way my friends. Today, I really think that I have depression. I'm an international student and here all by myself which is not good at all. Just last week, my only good two girlfriends that i had here, left to go back home. Now, everyone needs a girlfriend to hang out with and to chat. It is so hard for me to make good friends here and special for me as someone from another country. The only one that I really have here is my boyfriend. But I got today so upset with him, because he rather prefered to see his buddy that (I know) he maybe sees once a year then coming over for at least an hour and cheering me up and being here for me. I was really down and felt like I have no one and I also feel that my boyfriend has no idea how bad I feel today and how serious my depression today is.
It's not easy and I don't know what to do with myself and how to handle myself. I love to be here and study here, meeting new people and all that, but at the same time it is very hard for me and sometime i feel like the people just talk to me for a bit and then loose the interested in me very fast and don't care about me. I'm a very nice girl and love to laugh usually, have a great sense of humor and like to help out a lot. My only problem is, I'm very quiet and shy and most of the people see this as weird and don't want to deal with me as much. I only open up more when i meet people that have the same interestes, are friendly that i have the feeling they really like me or i know that someone for a long time.
There are those ups and downs but sometimes i just really don't know how to deal with those downs like today. What do you do when you feel so bad?
I'm glad i found out about this website today and i hope i can talk to many people that feel the same like me and we can share our problems. Sorry got a little bit much of writing but thanks for reading!

LondonGirl22
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 1629
   Posted 8/15/2006 2:48 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Sadcat,
 
Welcome to Healing Well.  Please continue to post here, we are happy to listen to you.
I'm sorry you are feeling the way you do.
I was just wondering if there were any clubs or groups you could join to meet new friends?
Have you talked to your boyfriend about your depression?  Does he know how you feel?
 
I think it would be a good idea to see a doctor if you havent already as they can help you deal with your depression.  Perhaps some counselling might help you.
I have good and bad days myself.  When I have a bad day I alway try to think...hopefully tomorrow will be a good day for me.  There is alwasy light at the end of the tunnel even though it may not feel like it.
 
Please take care and get some help for your depression.
Please also take a look at our depression resources on this site, I hope they can help you
Take care and keep in touch with us all
 
 
Victoria
 
co-moderator : depression


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 8/15/2006 3:51 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Sadcat,  I am to adding my welcome to you, we are happy to have you join our community.  It takes much strength and courage to move so far away from home to another country go to school.  I imagine it is quite an adventure for you.  I agree that perhaps you could benefit from some counseling.  If you are at University you can check and see if they offer students discounted or free rates as many do.  Also, I was going to suggest perhaps some volunteer work.  This is a wonderful way to meet people and helps build up self-esteem as you feel that you are doing some good for others.

Please do continue to post, HW is a wonderful place for information and support.  Not to mention that all our members here are completely wonderful and always willing to help.  Looking forward to seeing more from you.  Take care 


 


Sadcat
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 8/15/2006 8:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you for nice reply. Yes I told my boyfriend that I'm really depressed and need someone to talk to, but didn't took any time to come over and see me. I don't think he knows how sad and depressed I really was yesterday.
I'm not 21 yet, so I can't really go out yet to the clubs out here. In my home country I was and I had a lot of friend which who I went out a lot.
I will try to find some groups or something here around where some people in my age hang out. Since i'm an international student i don't think that the insurance would cover the doctors cost. I couldn't afford the high cost of a doctor. I will see what I can do though. Thank you!

stronglady4me
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 470
   Posted 8/15/2006 8:14 AM (GMT -7)   
As a student there should be resources through the school you are going to.  Check with your campus counselling services, they deal with depression often and your story will not be weird to them.  Also, look into campus clubs as a way of meeting people.  Good luck.
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