Hi, this will be my first post here. I decided to post here because I'm running out of options and hope, and I guess I'm looking for some opinions and ideas about what to do. I've been depressed for a full 10 years. I'm only 20 now, so that's effectively half of my life. My level of depression has fluctuated minimally over the years, 90% of the time it has been considered major depressive disorder, and at best and only for a short while -- dysthymia.
I've been through dropping out of high school, being sent to boarding school, and being involuntarily admitted as an in-patient to a hosptial. I've been through various forms of therapy over the years, with between 5 and 10 different therapists/psychiatrists. I've tried all classes of anti-depressant, various anti-convulsants, anti-psychotics, amphetamines, and electoconvulsive therapy, all with absolutely no success. I would have killed myself years ago if I didn't feel so guilty about it in relation to my family and how they would react.
It was different 7 years ago, before I really started going through my treatment options. Even though I was never truly optimistic that medication/therapy might actually help (as few depressed people actually are) there was still always the thought in the back of my head that there was a chance that I might find something that would alleviate the feelings of depression. But at this point it really doesn't seem like there is anything that can help. So, I don't know what to do. My current psychiatrist said the other day that she has never seen a patient like me, so impervious to the effects of medication.
I'm about as depressed as I've ever been right now and I really don't know what to do. I'm in college and have good academic standing, but I don't think I have the energy/motivation to continue with my classes. What options are left for me? Making it through the past 10 years has been unbearable, and I certainly can't do this for another 60. This really feels like it's my final run, that within the next year suicide might be my only option. So I'm kind of grasping here, trying to get other people's view points, maybe find out something that I don't know already, find a new treatment or anything really. So...yeah, I guess any input at all would be appreciated.
Hi Ron, First I wanted to welcome you to healing well forum. We are happy to have you join our community here. There are so many wonderfully supportive people here always willing to lend advice and information. So I do hope you continue to visit us.
I too understand your frustration and fears with your schooling and treatment. I have had major depression, anxiety/panic most of my life (I am 32) now. It was difficult for me to get through college the first time around on my 4 year degree. I often took breaks and semesters off to regroup and rest as sometimes the stress of it all was too much to handle. It took me a while to realize this but college will always be there and you can always go back when you feel more stable and ready too. So if your feeling that you need a break or it is too much right now than do withdraw from classes before it hurts your student status. Stress is a huge contributing factor to depression, perhaps you may want to try to eliminate what stressors in your life within reason that you can to help aid you in getting better.
I don’t think it is appropriate for us to recommend possible treatments for you as this is something that you and your psychiatrist should be doing. There are many options out there and please keep in mind that depression is treatable. They just have not found the right combination for you as yet. I understand it is frustrating but you have to hang in there. Communicate your feelings with your doctor and keep on them about it. I am going to post some links for you just incase you feel you may need them...please use them if you feel your going to harm yourself or reach out to someone for help. We are always here for you. Take care
Sorry life has been so tough, with so little success from the medical treatments. You sound a lot like my granddaughter. You know about the depression, have you considered that you may also have Adult ADD? Do some more research - all to often these conditions overlap and one is treated while the other is ignored.
Hang in there. You and your generation are our only hope - when you find solutions for yourself, we all benefit. You are a valuable "indigo child" -- look that one up, too.