Regular Dad, welcome and you are not alone, you are not the only one and we are here for you.
I truly mean it when I say that you know yourself best and have to make your own decisions. I offer my perspective on medication in hopes that it will help you, if it doesn't keep reading because there is a wealth of experience here.
When I was 22 I first had a depressive episode but at that time, in the place I was living no really even knew about depression. I went undiagnosed and gutted out the next 8 years until I realized that I was alright again. The next episode hit me 13 years later when I was so down that I couldn't stop crying and was almost non-functional. A beloved co-worker was courageous enough to tell me the truth and said that I had a problem with depression. I went from that conversation to the telephone, to the doctor's office where I was then diagnosed with depression and given medication. I went out to my car and screamed myself hoarse because I too did not want medication. I banged on the steering wheel of my car so hard I bent it (hee, hee, it's pretty funny now).
I have to tell you though that medication changed my life that day. I knew I was as low as I was going to go and everything else was up from there. The right medication will not turn you into a zombie, if meds do that, they are not the right ones for you. Over the course of my life I have had 3 episodes of deep depression which fortunately can all be traced back to losing control over my life and not taking time to take care of myself.
Are you weak for taking medication or having this problem at all? No, depression does not make you a weak person. My view is that you are courageous and it takes real strength to acknowledge this issue and deal with it. You have shown strength by coming here and your next steps, whatever they are, will support that strength. Keep coming here, let us know how you are doing. You are part of us now and we will worry about you.
Hi Regular DAD,
I hear what your saying. My depression was "masked" by eating, spending,working. I have recently quit drinking (two months ) and currently I' working on getting healthier. Losing weight, excercising and being involved more in life. My current bouts of depression seem to be triggered by the dietary restrictions ( your tabacco?) I've placed on myself. My motivation at times is non existant. I could care less about most things that use to enthrall me. But like you I have job (business) that I can't be depressed in. I won't say it doesn't affect my productivity but I can't let it get me down during the work day. I have a great family. Beautiful children, a fantastic supportive wife (see earlier posts) a house that is in remodel and someday will be what we dreamed of. When I need the motivation to pick myself up and get going it's my wife and kids that provide the fire to get better. It is one step at a time and one day at a time.
We are all here to help and be helped. You scared me with the accurate description of what I believe is happening to me. It does help me to be here and read about and listen to others in similar life experiences
Take care and find the spark. Jer
Hi Regular Dad, I am also adding my welcome to healing well to you, we are happy to have you join us here. I can relate to several things that you posted. Before I acknowledged that I had depression I to self medicated in many ways to mask the feelings that I was having...drinking, smoking, running wild with so called friends, doing other things that cant be spoken of here. I haven’t always been such a "good girl"...lol! Anyway, that was mostly in my early teens and twenties and during college. I went to work for a private mental health facility and started to learn many things by training and working with my clients even though my major in college was psychology it never really clicked that I was depressed and having anxiety. I did end up go to the doctor and getting assessed for it but as for work there wasn’t room for me to have these types of disorders. I helped me on one level as I had more compassion for the clients than co-workers who couldn’t relate but depression does tend to take up most of your personal resources and leave you drained and empty inside. So it was very difficult to deal. You may not need a professional to tell you that you have depression, most people know themselves well enough to say weather or not. Perhaps you could take one of those on-line questionnaires, print it out and take it to your primary care doc...They are the basic assessments for depression. If you are willing to go on meds and see how that works then this is an option to bypass the psychiatrist....just a suggestion. But in the mean time please know that we are always here so continue to post....take care