My wife was diagnosed with clinical depression about three years ago. She has been seeing a councilor for about the same amount of time and has seen her family doctor on a regular bases. She is taking 75mg of Effexor 3 times a day and has been for over two years.
She is telling me that she was very depress while growing up but thought that she had gotten over that period in her life. She has been getting worse now for the last 8 months. She believes that she never will overcome her depression and can no longer love or be happy. Our marriage is dieing, I love her very much and I am willing to stay with her for as long as is takes but she continues to worsen and has told the doctor that she has thought about taking her own life on many different occasions.
I do not know what to do to help her, does anyone have any ideas or have been through this with a spouse?
Thanks for the reply, it’s been hard around here to deal with all that is going on. I often thought that she should see another doctor but when I bring it up she gets real upset. She likes this person and says that she can trust him. I just do not think that he is the right person to help her.
Her meds help some but when she stops taking it and she will do that sometimes up to 3 to 4 days at a time she goes wild. She gets bad headaches and nothing that I do can calm her down. about three months ago she started getting real odd acting, I came home one day from work and she was in bed. I asked her if she was Ok and she told me that In a few days everything would be fine. I got real worried and called her doctor and let him know what she was doing and had said.
He talked to her and called me back latter and said that she seemed to be OK. That is when I knew that this doctor was not the right person for her but she will not listen to me. How did you get through all of your opportunities and what was the one thing that your husband did for you that helped the most?
Hi loyalist, Welcome to healing well forum, we are happy to have you. I am sorry to hear about your wife and what you both are going through. I don’t intend this to sound harsh but it would seem that your wife is manipulating her treatment by the way you explain it in your post. The reason that I say this is because you said she often stops taking her antidepressant for several days at a time then restarts them. It is critical when taking antidepressants that you take them everyday. By stopping and restarting them she is screwing up all the chemical levels in her brain and making the depression symptoms way much worse. Have you asked her what the point is to her doing this? It really makes no sense, either she wants to take them and does or she doesn’t want to take them and stops.Secondly, I would be curious as to what she is telling the doctor. A person can have suicidal thoughts and notify their physician of this without being hospitalized. It would be appropriate for the doc to try to change medications at this time. The point where the person would be hospitalized would be if they had a plan as to how to carry out those thoughts, which would make them actively suicidal. For some reason here I am just wondering if she is down playing a lot of her problems and things she is going through with her doctor. When I started to see my Psychiatrist I had a difficult time. I worked in the mental health field and was not up front and honest with my doctor for many months as I was afraid of being viewed as “crazy” or “incompetent” which was not something I wanted to face or deal with personally or professionally. So perhaps you need to sit down and speak to her regarding this or you can ask to sit in on some of her sessions with her psychiatrist, you would have to have her permission first, but that would be a good starting point to try to figure out where the problem is and trying to rectify it. I wish you much luck and your more then welcome to continue to post we have several spouses of depressed people who come her for advice and whatnot. Take care
To everyone thanks for your thoughts and replies. I have been keeping count of her medication and I have discovered that she is still not taking it as prescribed. I have been somewhat reluctant in being too forceful with her for fear that I might get her too upset. She does not like talking about this and when we do she always changes the subject.
Just last week she told me that she has just now realized how bad her depression is and says that this is who she is and always will be. I believe that she is surrendering to the depression rather then accepting and trying to deal with it. Her sister has always thought that my wife was not telling her doctor everything that was wrong. I tend to believe this now myself. She might be afraid to tell all for fear of being hospitalized.
I am going to see a doctor myself, my father passed away last month and with all that is going on right now I feel that I could use the help in dealing with some of this. My wife and I have not been close for about two years and while we were out of town for the funeral she all of a sudden became the women that I first married. We started hugging and kissing and talking like we use to. This went on for two weeks then it all stopped as fast as it had started. I ask her when she had her change of heart is she meant it and she told me that she did. Now she has explained it all away as just being an emotional time and the closeness was just a basic human need. She stills tells me that she meant it at the time but now she feels guilty for being close to me. She believes that she does not deserve to feel happy or love.
All of that has really messed me up, just when I thought that our lives had made a change for the better it all ended. Right now I am at a total loss and I think that by seeing someone it will help me to better understand what is going on. We had been working hard in building our relationship and now it is right back to where it was.
Loyalist, I am very sorry you and your wife are going through this. I am glad to hear that you’re going to go to counseling and keeping watch of your wife’s meds. It is a very difficult situation you’re in for sure and you will need to have some support and guidance to help you through this. Therapy will be able to give you some coping skills and resources to help you and hopefully your wife. It is extremely important that she tell her psychiatrist everything...as this is how they assess for her medication and treatment plan. Otherwise there is no point in even going. I am sure you have already figured this out by now...and are quite frustrated by it. I could only wish that my husband...now ex was as attentive to my care and treatment and getting better as you are. She is very lucky. Please do let us know how it goes...Take care
Thanks again to everyone. I made my first counseling session and it went well. We seemed to hit it off so I am going back again next week, lots to talk about.
There seems to be a change taking place in my wife. She is telling me that she believes that her depression is much worse then she thought and that her doctor is not telling her the truth about how bad things really are with her. She thinks that the doctor is hiding this from her to protect her from the truth. I told her that she should ask her doctor about this and hear what he has to say.
Not sure what to think about all of this. She has always liked this doctor and has defended him when I ask her if she ever thought about a second opinion. I do not understand why she is just now thinking that he is holding back. Does anyone think that it may be a good idea to call her doctor and let him know what is taking place? She has not taken her meds for the last 4 days now and she tells me that she is but the count has not gone down.
I was able to talk to her medical doctor this week and we had a long talk. As I had thought my wife was not telling her all of what was going on. The doctor had no idea that my wife was skipping her medication and that she was seeing a counselor. I simply found that to be amazing. The doctor was very nice but I’m not too sure just how good of a doctor she really is. This doctor has been seeing my wife for over two years and prescribing her the Effexor and knew very little about my wife. I know that if my wife does not tell her then the doctor will not know but I would have to think that these doctors should ask questions.
I was not able to talk to her counselor, we have been playing phone tag. I am meeting with my wife’s two sisters this weekend and we are going to try and come up with a plan on what we can do to help my wife. She is getting worse instead of better and still is skipping around taking her medication, this all has to stop before she goes too deep and cannot be helped. What I did learn from her doctor is this, if you’re prescribed Effexor or some other similar drug take it as prescribed. Skipping around on this type of medicine is the worse thing a person can do to their self. My wife has been going through withdraws for a long time and does not know it and now she believes what she is feeling is her instead of the effects of the drug. Multiple withdraws over a long period of time must be terrible.
I would have to believe that a medial doctor should not be allowed to prescribe a drug such as this one. I firmly believe now that before anyone can take this type of medicine they first should see a doctor that has extensive experience in this field. This can be a wonderful drug but it must be respected someone with experience should be watching over the results. Wish us luck we are about to go down a new path and I’m not sure what will happen. My wife needs more help then I ever thought.
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded...********************
My dear wife is now telling me that she realizes that she is depressed and she knows there is help available for her but she is choosing not to get the help. She has on the other hand started taking her medication. We had a long talk about all of this and she told me that she is not wanting the help because she wants to stay the way she is. The medication she told me is keeping her from having thoughts of suicide and that is why she is going to take it. She told me that she wants me to stay in the home but only as her friend and not as her husband.
When I asked her why she does not want to get help her answers were rather vague and she really was not able to tell me anything. My thoughts are that she is not wanting the help because she may be afraid of finding the answers to why she is depressed. These answers may be something that she believes to be very painful even more then how she feels now.
Does anyone have any ideas on what I can do for her.