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rybird
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 78
   Posted 8/26/2006 11:43 PM (GMT -7)   
I would like to hear from people who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state.
I think it would be a great help for those who are still experiencing depression.
I know that some people have a type of "bright light" type of spiritual experience that changes thier life. Others have the educational type.
 For me it was both. I was in love with a beautiful wife, married for 17 years. Had a thriving business. owned a house, two new cars, and still have two wonderful boys. I dont' know why I got depressed.  I began to drink more and more.  My wife divorced me and I really got depressed. I drank to the point of self destruction. Ended up in court, foreclosure of the house, legal problems, lost custody, Business went bankrupt, Developed liver disease and pancreatis. was in drug and alchohol treatment 5 times, three times in the psych ward tied down for suicide, funny I didn't think I was trying it at the time. Kicked out of hospitals, homeless for over a year, lost my belongings at a homeless helter, that's all I had, then got kicked out, Ended up in the hospital for the last time. I saw demon's, alcohol can do this. I cried out for God and got no answer. It was over. I gave up then passed out. The next day I was comepletely changed.  God had slipped right in!!!
I haven't had a drink since that day on Jan 21, 2004. I continue to learn about spirituality and do believe support and sometimes medicine is vital. I now believe in miracles and those who are suffering will become one.
Love ya'll
Paul
skull     mad     sad     confused     eyes     smurf     :-)     tongue     yeah

CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 8/27/2006 7:24 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Paul,

You have done a fantastic thing in your recovery -- kudos to you. Sounds like you had so much bad to cope with -- not surprising something gave (though I'm very sorry for the way it did).

Almost 10 years ago I was in a very abusive relationship. My boyfriend effectively cut me off from everyone I knew and chipped away at me till my self-esteem was rock bottom (felt like a walking humiliation) and I was severely depressed. He then of course dumped me on the grounds that I wasnot the person he met -- ha! It's hard to believe now that I let this happen -- but it was a slow process and wasn't obvious to me as it was happening. Well, for months afterwards every time I caught the bus to work (and even getting that far was extremely difficult) I would watch the bus approaching and have to hold myself back from just running at it and chucking myself under the wheels. My finances were screwed and I just didn't think I could take the time off to go to the doctor and get help -- didn't even think anything *could* help. Finally at Christmas I crashed wildly and my parents came and collected me and took me to live with them while they tried to help me get better. Finally I went to the doc and got on antidepressants. I dropped the job (which I had hated too) and agreed to live with my parents until I found something that I could do and enjoy. Funnily enough, on the meds this didn't take all that long and by the February I had moved back out and started a new job that was low pressure, got me moving physically, and I moved in with a good friend. This quite seriously saved my life and the time I spent working there and getting myself healthy got me back to a positive frame of mind. By the September, I was ready to start my PhD and knew I'd be ok with the friends I had around me and faith in the fact that meds *could* help if things got bad again. Yes, I've suffered from depression since (and did before), but things have never got *that* bad and I learned a lot about myself.

Thanks for starting this thread Paul.

Rosie x
********************
People are not like fish: they do not work better battered.
 
********************


rybird
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 78
   Posted 8/27/2006 8:27 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Rosie
Bad relationships can make both parties sick. Unfortunately fear or ignorance can keep us in those relationships. I am glad that yours ended so you can recover. You have done the one thing that's neccessary, take action! After my surrender I moved in with my parents and help them out, they are 75 and 85 years old. I draw disability for personality disorder and Crohn's. I also volunteer to help my Dad in his own business, yes he is still active, tho old fart! I attend a well known support group and taked med's. recovered is al live long journey.

rybird, I'm sorry but I have had to edit your post due to rule #10. no posts of an overtly religious nature. You can post "my prayers are with you" or "God Bless", but please do limit religious references.  Thank you ~ Elisha

Post Edited By Moderator (els) : 8/30/2006 10:49:31 AM (GMT-6)


stronglady4me
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 470
   Posted 8/28/2006 12:36 PM (GMT -7)   
I don't believe that spirituality is about religion. Spirituality is connectedness and being connected to the positive forces in the universe, the Earth or whatever supports one's own spirit, it is a strong force. I am glad that religion worked for you but it is not a universal answer for everyone. I can't tell you what it is that helped me recover because it is too simplistic for everyone. I was simply just unwilling to live the life of depression and didn't let it take control of me for long. The first and second time I didn't know what was happening. The first time I literally willed myself out of it but it took a huge toll and many years. The second time a dear friend told me what was going on and I got help. The third time it hit me I knew what it was and I saw it coming so I got some help. We all have to find our own answers, hopefully the success of others will inspire folks who are still on that road

rybird
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 78
   Posted 8/28/2006 4:54 PM (GMT -7)   
Stronglady4me, one of the key themes I find in your post is willingness.
It is people like you all who keep me on the right road
thanks.
edited due to forum rule #10. Thank You ~ Elisha

Post Edited By Moderator (els) : 8/30/2006 10:52:23 AM (GMT-6)


qut06
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 8/30/2006 8:52 AM (GMT -7)   
rybird said...
I would like to hear from people who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state.
I think it would be a great help for those who are still experiencing depression.
I know that some people have a type of "bright light" type of spiritual experience that changes thier life. Others have the educational type.
 For me it was both. I was in love with a beautiful wife, married for 17 years. Had a thriving business. owned a house, two new cars, and still have two wonderful boys. I dont' know why I got depressed.  I began to drink more and more.  My wife divorced me and I really got depressed. I drank to the point of self destruction. Ended up in court, foreclosure of the house, legal problems, lost custody, Business went bankrupt, Developed liver disease and pancreatis. was in drug and alchohol treatment 5 times, three times in the psych ward tied down for suicide, funny I didn't think I was trying it at the time. Kicked out of hospitals, homeless for over a year, lost my belongings at a homeless helter, that's all I had, then got kicked out, Ended up in the hospital for the last time. I saw demon's, alcohol can do this. I cried out for God and got no answer. It was over. I gave up then passed out. The next day I was comepletely changed.  God had slipped right in!!!
I haven't had a drink since that day on Jan 21, 2004. I continue to learn about spirituality and do believe support and sometimes medicine is vital. I now believe in miracles and those who are suffering will become one.
Love ya'll
Paul
skull     mad     sad     confused     eyes     smurf     :-)     tongue     yeah
Thank you for posting that. Nothing seems to make me happy anymore. Ive gotten really good at pertending to be happy so I dont drag the ppl around me down. But some days I cant pretend. Like today. I feel completely alone, hopeless, and just plain frustrated w my life. I dont think Im the type of person ppl can loved. No one really cares about me. Im in so much pain. Ive tried church and therapists (when I could afford one). I have a hard time thinking that I can be happy with myself and my life. To the point where I think about ways to end it. I never have the guts to actually do anything to myself but I think about it a lot. Looking at what you went thru and how you came around. That gives me a tiny bit of hope.

els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 8/30/2006 10:05 AM (GMT -7)   

Rybird, you have been through so much in your life.  I cannot imagine what it must have been like to be in your shoes and to go through what you have.  But here you are sharing your story and hoping to make a difference which is awesome.  I feel that you could be a great influence for others in many ways with your recovery from drugs & alcohol and being homeless. 
My Dad was an alcoholic for many years and just quit drinking and smoking on his own when he found out he had lung cancer 5 yrs ago.  So I do understand how very difficult it is to stop and how it eats up your life.  I am so very proud of you in your recovery.


 


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 8/30/2006 10:19 AM (GMT -7)   
qut06 said...
Thank you for posting that. Nothing seems to make me happy anymore. Ive gotten really good at pertending to be happy so I dont drag the ppl around me down. But some days I cant pretend. Like today. I feel completely alone, hopeless, and just plain frustrated w my life. I dont think Im the type of person ppl can loved. No one really cares about me. Im in so much pain. Ive tried church and therapists (when I could afford one). I have a hard time thinking that I can be happy with myself and my life. To the point where I think about ways to end it. I never have the guts to actually do anything to myself but I think about it a lot. Looking at what you went thru and how you came around. That gives me a tiny bit of hope.

It is so easy to pretend isn’t it?  I am also very good at this and covering up my feelings, no one can know or tell when I am bothered, angry, upset, sad, or extremely depressed.  My therapist says that I have "very tight control of my emotions".  It is a very lonely feeling because you don’t let anyone in, no one sees those emotions or how you’re feeling.  Depression is very tricky and when mine is at a high I tend to isolate myself, feel hopeless and even have those thoughts of hurting myself even though I would never carry out those thoughts.  It is also difficult to see the people who do care and love you.  We are always here and do understand what your going though.  If you can’t afford to see a therapist or psychiatrist perhaps you can talk to your primary care physician about how your feeling and see about an antidepressant.  There are many drug companies that are helping people out financially with the cost of their medications if this is an issue for you.  It may help.  Please do keep posting and let us know how you’re doing.  Take care

Elisha

http://www.healingwell.com/donate


 


stronglady4me
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 470
   Posted 8/30/2006 10:36 AM (GMT -7)   

Something that really spoke to me is a quote from the poet Walter Rinder

"Letting people in is largely a matter of not expending the energy it takes to keep them out." 

To me that speaks to the exhaustion that I (and many of us) feel everyday as we try to deal with this desease.  It helped me to let go of the pretense that I can be superwoman and go it alone and it helped me to find a way to let others help.  I view my depression differently now because of that notion.  Now I have more of an attitude that allows me to understand that this is just part of me and it doesn't make me a weak person or a bad person or even a scary person if someone else doesn't understand depression.  Letting go of the appearance of "normal" has saved me a ton of energy, showed me who my true friends are and allowed me to truly not care about what other's think as long as I am honest with myself about what I think.  We all find inspiration in our own ways. :-)


qut06
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 8/30/2006 11:21 AM (GMT -7)   
els said...
qut06 said...
Thank you for posting that. Nothing seems to make me happy anymore. Ive gotten really good at pertending to be happy so I dont drag the ppl around me down. But some days I cant pretend. Like today. I feel completely alone, hopeless, and just plain frustrated w my life. I dont think Im the type of person ppl can loved. No one really cares about me. Im in so much pain. Ive tried church and therapists (when I could afford one). I have a hard time thinking that I can be happy with myself and my life. To the point where I think about ways to end it. I never have the guts to actually do anything to myself but I think about it a lot. Looking at what you went thru and how you came around. That gives me a tiny bit of hope.

It is so easy to pretend isn’t it?  I am also very good at this and covering up my feelings, no one can know or tell when I am bothered, angry, upset, sad, or extremely depressed.  My therapist says that I have "very tight control of my emotions".  It is a very lonely feeling because you don’t let anyone in, no one sees those emotions or how you’re feeling.  Depression is very tricky and when mine is at a high I tend to isolate myself, feel hopeless and even have those thoughts of hurting myself even though I would never carry out those thoughts.  It is also difficult to see the people who do care and love you.  We are always here and do understand what your going though.  If you can’t afford to see a therapist or psychiatrist perhaps you can talk to your primary care physician about how your feeling and see about an antidepressant.  There are many drug companies that are helping people out financially with the cost of their medications if this is an issue for you.  It may help.  Please do keep posting and let us know how you’re doing.  Take care

I have terrible health ins (and I work for a healthcare ins co...go figure) so if you know of any help in the financial dept that would be great. Ive been debating on whether to take meds again. I used to take Celexa about 6 yrs ago and I got off of it bc I dont want to depend on a drug to live my everyday life. When I was on it ppl were drawn to me, I was starting to have healthier relationships and felt happier.  I just dont feel like Im being myself. I cant really explain it.
 

Post Edited (qut06) : 8/30/2006 12:25:09 PM (GMT-6)


stronglady4me
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 470
   Posted 8/30/2006 12:01 PM (GMT -7)   
There are several programs available to help with prescription assistance. Most are need based, that is based on your economic levels. Many are run by the pharmaceutical companies. We are not allowed to post commercial links on this site but you can google prescription assistance and come up with a list of these programs or enable your email and I will be happy to send you a list.
Stronglady4me
Walk in harmony


qut06
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 8/30/2006 12:56 PM (GMT -7)   
^^ Ive enabled my email. Thanks for the help.

rybird
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 78
   Posted 8/30/2006 9:59 PM (GMT -7)   
I apolagize for breaking the rule. I just got carried away I guess.
When I say I gave up, I mean i quit fighting everything and everybody.  I do not control the universe.  Sometimes a depressed person can say they are tired,  and asked what they did all day will reply "nothing". This is because of how fast thoughts are happening in our brain.  Medicine is for that.
Often it is because of internal conflicts.  This requires a close fearless and honest look at our self.
We can see what we can change and work on that. we can also see things we cannot change and try to accept that.
You are great people and I need you.
  What I say is based on my own experience and what works for me may not work for someone else.
Thanks!

els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 8/31/2006 4:54 AM (GMT -7)   
qut, Your physician would have to write a prescription (of course) and many physicians if you let them know of your circumstances are willing to supply samples months at a time.  They receive these for free from the drug companies to start patients on new medications and also to help along these lines.  So, this is also another way to go in addition to applying for assistance with the actual company which stronglady has supplied for you.
I do understand your reluctance in depending on a medication to function in this way.  I was on and off antidepressants all the time and felt this exact same way.  But then I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis 5 years ago and had a few more medications added to my regime and got to thinking...I needed the MS meds to not be in pain physically everyday and reduce my chances of getting more brain lesions.  So why would I not take a pill that does help and make me feel better mentally and quite frankly physically too for depression...I think that was the turning point for me, to know it was okay if I was going to be on them the rest of my life because I was going to try to make it the best life that I could without being clouded by depression. 
Please let us know how it goes for you...Take care


Elisha

Co~Mod: Depression

Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease

http://www.healingwell.com/donate

 

 

 


 


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 8/31/2006 5:19 AM (GMT -7)   
rybird said...
I apolagize for breaking the rule. I just got carried away I guess.
Please do not feel that you need to apolagize...It is something that you feel passionate about and it is completely understandable.  I did just want you to know we cant have all the religious quotes on the site for future referance.
When I say I gave up, I mean i quit fighting everything and everybody.  I do not control the universe.  Sometimes a depressed person can say they are tired,  and asked what they did all day will reply "nothing". This is because of how fast thoughts are happening in our brain.  Medicine is for that.
Often it is because of internal conflicts.  This requires a close fearless and honest look at our self.
We can see what we can change and work on that. we can also see things we cannot change and try to accept that. You are very much correct in this insight and when we are depressed or having so many negative thoughts this is so very difficult to do...to see inside and determine what is correct and true.
You are great people and I need you.
  What I say is based on my own experience and what works for me may not work for someone else.
Thanks!
Your a great person Paul and I think your experiance and life lessions are valued here.  Take care ~ Hugs

Elisha

Co~Mod: Depression

Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease

 

 

 

 


 


qut06
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 8/31/2006 5:29 AM (GMT -7)   
^^ Im really sorry Els about your condition. I dont know much about MS but I hope you feel better soon. *console*
Medication is not for everyone. Im not saying noone should take them because when I did I felt a lot better. It does help the process. But in my case, I think that meds will only mask the real issue. Once the real issue is taken care of I think/hope everything else will fall into place. Its a quick fix.

els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 9/1/2006 3:34 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you qut you are very sweet.  I have learned to live with my MS and I deal with it very well.  Perhaps it was a matter of excepting it...I dont know.  Anyhow, I agree that medication isnt for everyone, that is for a physician and of course yourself to decide, as only you know what is best for you. 

Elisha

Co~Mod: Depression

Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease

http://www.healingwell.com/donate


ShynSassy
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 3036
   Posted 9/1/2006 5:18 AM (GMT -7)   
I agree that meds cover up the problem at times. But in most times they help you get thru the problems. One thing that a counsler told me that made me take a step back and look at my life was:
In order to get better you have to change your enviroment as that is what is making you sick.
That line is what gave me the strenght to leave my now exhusband and decide that I would never put up with the abuse again.
Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks,Anorexia


CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 9/1/2006 5:31 AM (GMT -7)   
Shy, I believe your strength was always there -- this just helped you to find it again. Abusive relationships wear us down and we think we've lost our strength, but you *are* a strong woman, and I'm so glad you got yourself out of that situation.

Rosie x
********************

People are not like fish: they do not work better battered.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded...

********************

 
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum

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