moving away from being 'victim consciencess' to being more proactive/positive

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missie1227
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Date Joined Nov 2005
Total Posts : 751
   Posted 8/27/2006 7:51 PM (GMT -7)   
sounds nice and good but how do we do it...come on all, lets help each other learn how to do this....what are your advice and suggestions to get out of this frame of mind
9-02 crash w/ C-5-6-7 anterior/posterior fusion in neck w/11 screws and 4 metal plates. multilevel HNP at T & L section. FMS, PA in dec 05. on SSDI after 2.5 yr wait. sezuires, CTS, IBS ( C & D). norco, xanax, predisone shots. i dont know what else is wrong with me and neither does anyone else!!!


CounterClockwise
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 8/28/2006 5:56 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Missie --

Great question! I think a lot of help with this can be gained from cognitive behavioural therapy -- or just using similar techniques in everyday life. Identifying patterns in our thoughts and behaviour -- those patterns that keep us down, or push us down further -- is a huge part of this. Looking at our negative patterns *as patterns* helps us to see our thoughts and behaviour more objectively -- almost as we sould see those thoughts and behaviour if someone else were doing them (when we would almost certainly want to step in and reassure that they were not bad and were not to blame). Knowledge is power and all that!

Hope others come in with their ideas -- this is a really useful topic to gain insights on. Thanks Missie.

Rosie x
********************
People are not like fish: they do not work better battered.
 
********************


LondonGirl22
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Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 1629
   Posted 8/28/2006 6:57 AM (GMT -7)   
That is a very good question Missie.

I have got to the point nw where i dont want to feel sorry for myself any more and I really want to help myself. My psychologist has a lot to do with this and the weekly sessions have realy helped me. Im starting to feel so much stronger and happier again. Exercise has worked wonders for me too. Just getting out and doing something active. I haver also started going out with friend and having fun, i went out the other night and laughed so much and it felt great.
I still have down days but I know I can have good days too.
Victoria
 
co-moderator : depression


stronglady4me
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 470
   Posted 8/28/2006 12:09 PM (GMT -7)   
I wish that I had words of wisdom for you. Not being a victim has always been part of my mentality. I tend to get angry at situations instead of let them eat me up and that anger has always translated into kicking my own backside into action on my behalf.

I think that Victoria described it best when she said she got to the point where she was sick of being a victim to this stuff. We all have our own point of no return and when you get there it is a good place because then you start working in your own behalf instead of against yourself. I don't know what gets people to that point accept to say that it usually involves getting as low as your own personal tolerance will let you go. For some people that includes such things as homelessness and for some it is just isolation, we are all different.

stronglady4me
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 470
   Posted 8/28/2006 12:14 PM (GMT -7)   
Sorry about the double post but for me something else just came to mind. I believe in positive visualization as a pathway to success. That means that I surround myself (or try to) with people who don't tear me down up to and including letting go of some longtime friendships because I realized that they were toxic. It also includes such things as choosing a positve self-affirming nickname for this board. I have a question and I want everyone to know that it is not a judgment, just a question. I have noticed that several people sign their names here listing their symptoms and meds. For me that would make me feel likeI was defining myself with those things. I am not my desease. Doesn't it make you feel like you are defined by the desease to sign off that way?

missie1227
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Date Joined Nov 2005
Total Posts : 751
   Posted 8/28/2006 7:13 PM (GMT -7)   
i agree completely...i sign my name as a 'psudeo' but not to tell people  how i am feeling about myself...
being proactive means learning how to accept yourself and to adjust your expectations of others and how you are feeling about situations, ie. how YOU look upon a situation, you can choose to let it bother you or not. You can choose to walk away or not, you can choose to associate with bad peer  pressures or not, you have the power at all times.
I know that at any time I can choose to forget about my neck and try to live life as best as i can with what i have, it is hard though, to let it all go, to STOP being victimized over and over again to keep your self depressed. we  have to learn how to move on and leave it all behind, easier said than done. we get  into bad learned behaviors a comfort zone, where we need to learn how to leave it behind....
 
i have been to shrinks for 25 yrs, on and off.. they all told me the same thing, what Eleanor Roosevelt said also, NOBODY CAN MAKE YOU FEEL BAD about YOURSELF WITH OUT YOUR PERMISSION....
 
think about those.... are strong words and words that you can live by if you try. GET RID OF OLD FRIENDS who keep you down or want to see you suffer. tell people you are moving on with your life and  going back to school ( dont let anyone tell you are too old or stupid or to this or too this not to do it) or joining clubs, or begin a new job or a new hobby, make it so for each person who says you cant do it , prove to them they are wrong and look them in the eye and say oh yes i can do it you watch me!!!!!
write 'i love me' on the refrig, write-I am ready to accept all things postive and beautfil in the world, and others.
 
think about this one---if there are close to 6 billion people in the world today, at least 2 billion of them you can be sure are living in huts and have nothing to their name, no bathrooms no meds, no clothing, no food,
well what have you got? EXPECT TO BE HAPPIER WITH LESS if need be.  let us be grateful for those things we have.
yes it could be better, but it could also be worse.
 
let us all write some of our own positive affirmations:
mine is
 
I LOVE MYSELF FOR WHO I AM AND I ACCEPT MYSELF AS I AM yeah yeah yeah

I TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY FEELINGS AND ACTIONS

PAY IT FORWARD- DO SOMETHING NICE FOR SOMEONE ELSE WITH OUT EXPECTING SOMETHING FOR IT


9-02 crash w/ C-5-6-7 anterior/posterior fusion in neck w/11 screws and 4 metal plates. multilevel HNP at T & L section. FMS, PA in dec 05. on SSDI after 2.5 yr wait. sezuires, CTS, IBS ( C & D). norco, xanax, predisone shots. i dont know what else is wrong with me and neither does anyone else!!!

Post Edited (missie1227) : 8/28/2006 8:20:33 PM (GMT-6)


rybird
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 78
   Posted 8/28/2006 8:30 PM (GMT -7)   
I like what I've read!
That point that we get to can be lower than our tolerance can take...I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

Sometimes listing our illnesses qualifies us so that others know we understand what they are going through.

I may not be helping anyone with my replies,but it sure helps me.

stronglady4me
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 470
   Posted 8/28/2006 10:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Help, self-help or helping others is what this place is all about.

Missee1227, I like your style!

missie1227
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2005
Total Posts : 751
   Posted 8/29/2006 4:02 AM (GMT -7)   

thank you i am trying!!! it is a n up hill climb for me but i will try to do better for myself and for others too.

i am grateful for what i do have in my life


9-02 crash w/ C-5-6-7 anterior/posterior fusion in neck w/11 screws and 4 metal plates. multilevel HNP at T & L section. FMS, PA in dec 05. on SSDI after 2.5 yr wait. sezuires, CTS, IBS ( C & D). norco, xanax, predisone shots. i dont know what else is wrong with me and neither does anyone else!!!


Tuna
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 35
   Posted 8/29/2006 5:36 AM (GMT -7)   
Great post Missie!! I just had a similar conversation with my counselor last week. I realized over the past weekend that I get in this mode where I start letting my life lead me instead of leading my own life. We talked about being proactive and assertive vs. being passive. Something happens with depression in myself anyways, where I become very passive and I develop a "just get by" mentality. Well, I've let this happen for most of my adult life, I'm now 32. So over this past weekend I was reading this book that had nothing to do with depression and the author talked about needing a goal or target to shoot for and if we don't have goals/targets how will we ever know what we're aiming at and how close we are getting to achieving our goals/targets. I hope that makes sense. Anyways, I realized that I don't have goals in my life. I have been just getting by, trying to make do, and live a "good" life. Well, that's fine, but for me I realized that I need some challenges, I need to write down some goals for where I want to be at financially, spiritually, emotionally, relationally, etc in a year, five years, etc. This wasn't the first time that I've realized the importance of the whole goal concept thing, but something just clicked in my this time, and I realized this is part of taking control of my life, and leading my life, instead of it leading me.

Thanks again for posting such a great, positive topic to discuss!!

Tuna

stronglady4me
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 470
   Posted 8/29/2006 9:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Tuna, goal setting in writing is a very strong tool.  When I was actually diagnosed with depression it was my second go round with it. I sat down and wrote a 5 year plan and then a 10 year plan that springboarded off of the 5 year plan.  I hit the 5 year mark dead on and by year 7 I had hit the 10 plan.  I was remarkable and very cool.  Go for it!
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