Only 18, but extremely unsatisfied with who i am and with life in general.

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Lazer77
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 8/29/2006 8:12 PM (GMT -7)   
Well just to start things off, its the first time posting on these boards so sorry if i dont follow with any of the "regular" stuff too well. I am 18, and pretty much fed up with life.

I always thought i had some good friends, yet i still believe i do. I have LOTS of acquantainces, but maybe one or two (if any) true friends. Problem is, my phone never really rings, the only time i go out to do something is when i set something up with someone and they arent busy, which is the case alot of the time. So i feel like i have no real friends, seeing how nobody wants to see me. As for girlfriends, i have had two, the first one was a great person, but she was really easy to get and would date pretty much anyone. I got way too attached to her after we broke up, we stopped talking, now recently she had to go to rehab for cocaine addiction (she totally changed) at the age of 16. Then my second one was the more recent one, she had a crush on me for god knows why, she asked me out i said no, but later asked her out. We dated for a good month and a half at the very most and broke up before prom, again i was really attached. Now just recently i started to hang out with her again and made the mistake of asking her out, turned out to be a no and not only that, but she was the only person i would really hang out with, now again im all alone, no friends or anything.

Now i believe that im a REALLY good person, i have had some issues in the past and i have some inner troubles, but i never let those out because i like to portrayed as a positive person (not like it matters, nobody really cares). I have cut myself one time and sent myself to the hospital to get 13 stitches, and now im left with that scar forever, but it wasnt out of depression, it was out of rage. I have one huge fault which seems to push people away as soon as i open my mouth, literally. Im not religious at all, so i dont believe in God, but if he does exist, then he really must've hated me from the start. For whatever reason, i am 18 and my voice has yet to change, so its obviously a bit difficult to get anything, friends, girlfriend, anything... This bothers me but i do my very best not to show it (and i think i do well). And this is probably the main source of my negative outlook on the world, just that.
 
Now the only reason i live is for the only two people that actually care about me, my mom and my dad. I am an only child, and ending my life would put so much pain on their shoulders that i would never want to do that to them. I was in a near fatal car accident in February, and this really made me a bit more apathetic about life. Currently, all i ever really do is go to college (my first year, second week actually), go to work (which i cant stand), and then when im not at either i just waste away my life at the computer or playing videogames. I have plenty of hobbies, but most of which are a waste of time and progress me nowhere in life. I just hate knowing the fact that for the rest of my life i will be stressing out over work or school, thats all that i see life as, and i know its pessimistic. Odds are i will be alone the rest of my life as well, with the whole voice thing i doubt any girl would want to get near me. I am one of the most positive and caring people on the outside, but deep down inside i have all of this hate and anger building up inside of me that i cant take it anymore. This car accident really changed my outlook on life, not really for the better. It just made me realize how short life is, and how life is basically work and sleep, until you die. I dont want that.

I dont know what i expect to get out of this thread. I just want advice/suggestions or anything works, please...
 
 

IFIXDIT
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 35
   Posted 8/29/2006 9:09 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Lazer, You have the rest of your life. It was almost taken from you. The people you care about most have been spared the agony of your death. I am a non religious individual. What I do know of God as described by others who practice their faiths is that He (or She ) hates no one. I grew up in a military family and lost all my friends every two years. It wasn't until I found a group that accepted me for who I was and as one of them that I felt I belonged. My love was hiking/backpacking. The people there felt the same passion I did and shared that joy with all who wandered near. I guess what I'm saying is that you should find your "passion" and then locate the group that embraces that love. We had every shape and description of people in our group. They didn't care what you looked like, sounded like, or believed in, as ong as you were honest and caring. The love of my life was in that group and although we seperated for a while we have now been married for 24 years. The physical will change. The right person exists if you let yourself listen first and think about what your going to say that conveys your ideas whithout being abrasive. I don't believe in being false but some times you should hold your tongue long enough to figure out what should or needs to be said. When you do find that person you will be free to be yourself. At eighteen I was still in High school with no clue of where I was going. At 49 I'm still wondering what I'm going to do with my life. You have time and as I've said in another post don't borrow the weight of the next 40 years. It will be there when you arrive. Take Care, Jer

missie1227
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2005
Total Posts : 751
   Posted 8/30/2006 12:54 AM (GMT -7)   

lazer77.... i too had a carcrash in 02' and it made me apreciate how short life is and how in the matter of a few seconds your whole life can change.....now i have 11 screws and 4 metal plates in my neck and all b/c some retard hit me coming out of  a liquor store parking lot who couldnt wait to get into her bottle..of was into her bottle already.

that happened when i was 46, now i am 50.

dont worry so much about the girls thing jsut get your education done first then plan for  girls...girls tend to take away from your learning and distrract you unless just friends, and anyway try to just be friends wit hthem anyway to begin with, no pressure okay? sometimes girls can pick up on pressure from guys for sex stuff and may get turned off by it, so keep it friendship first...you can meet girls who you ahve something in common with by joining clubs or classes. or hobbies.  also if you smoke i know lots of girls get turned off by this....unless they do it too.

18 is kinda young to think your life is passing you by!!! you can take a smester off to leanr in another country or state to learn about how others live.....you can vlounteer for an activist politically if you are agaisnt something, one person can makea difference and  change the world....GOD doesnt hate people, people hate people.....have some faith inyourself.....and rmember elenaore roosevelt said ' no one can make you feel bad about yourselve with out your permission'

sorry about my spelling....if you drink quit it, get on the right track and education is the ticket...i leanred the hard way

at aged 36 i went back to school and got a M.S. Ed. and wished i did it when i was supposed at 20-22, didnt think i could do it then, but i did it late ( my spelling is awful)....get you r head togehter first the nlook for a nice girl, get someone sweet not into cigs and booze/drugs
9-02 crash w/ C-5-6-7 anterior/posterior fusion in neck w/11 screws and 4 metal plates. multilevel HNP at T & L section. FMS, PA in dec 05. on SSDI after 2.5 yr wait. sezuires, CTS, IBS ( C & D). norco, xanax, predisone shots. i dont know what else is wrong with me and neither does anyone else!!!


rybird
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 78
   Posted 8/30/2006 1:45 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey 77
I hate that waiting on death feeling....Patience is in order..But you can't catch any fish if your bait is not in the water. Who knows your voice may be her turn on and you only need one girlfriend. Unfortunatly many people your age are busy thinking about themselves.
Missie, It became a whole lot easier when I stopped trying to change the world and learned to let things happen. I call it getting out of God's way. I liked your post though.

Don't take ANYthing I say seriously! It was my thinking which got me in trouble.

LondonGirl22
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 1629
   Posted 8/30/2006 3:45 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Lazer
Welcome to Healing Well.
I know this is so hard for you right now but you do have the rest of your life ahead of you. As you get older, you seem to move on. I dont see any of the friends I had in school and college. As you get older and go to university or start a job, you meet new friends and they are the friends that stick with you for life.
Have you had any help with your depression? Have you seen a doctor?

Does your college have any clubs etc where you can meet new people? Look into a hobby where you can meet others and make new friends.

Keep posting here, we are happy to have you and its lovely to meet you.
Keep in touch
Take care
Victoria
 
co-moderator : depression


Lazer77
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 8/30/2006 9:19 AM (GMT -7)   
I dont smoke at all, i dont drink because i never really get out enough to do so, i have before though. And i dont want to see a doctor until im entirely on my own, entirely independent, im so ashamed of it that i dont even want my parents to know that it affects me so much. My college is a smaller college, there are a few clubs but nothing im too interested in since the school opened just 2 years ago and its just now starting to expand.

After my accident, when i was being put into the ambulance i started to get phone calls from people asking to see what happened because a few people saw me and my car. That was really comforting, but looking at it in retrospect, they really didnt care, they were just calling to find out what happened.

I dont know anymore really.

tase2
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 8/30/2006 9:43 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Lazer

 

Sorry to hear about your accident and that you are feeling so down. I am new here and can't really offer any advice, but I can say we are all here to support you.

 

I could be way off, but something to think about if it applies. You mentioned having a really high voice. Do you have any of the following in addition?

 

Relatively small genitals.

Lack of or very little facial or body hair.

Same with lack of pubic hair.

Lack of sexual interest.

Lack of muscle mass.

 

If yes, you could possibly have low levels of testosterone. I am currently looking into the same thing. I have heard from members in other groups that HRT (hormone replacement therapy) has helped them tremendously. I am praying that this could be an answer for me.

 

If no, you should probably still try and seek some type of counseling. Even before being completely independent. You don't have to tell your parents.

 

Good Luck.

 


stronglady4me
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 470
   Posted 8/30/2006 10:53 AM (GMT -7)   
You have said that the reason that you live is for your parents. Surely two people who are understanding and loving enough to live for will be understanding and want to help. Speaking as a mom of an adult son whom I love very much, I know that I would want to be able to talk to him about something like this because as a mom I have experience in the world that would allow me to help him with doctors or just with how he feels in his heart. You never know, you may find out that your Dad or someone else in your family has had the same issues and your parents may know what to do or who to call. You have nothing to be embarassed about here. You are trying to deal with what nature has dealt out to you and these days there is a lot, A LOT that can be done.

Lazer77
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 8/30/2006 1:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Obviously not, my dad has a deep voice, both my uncles have a deep voice, my grandfather has a deep voice, my cousins have deep voices. Its just me. And from everything you named, i dont have any of that but the small muscle mass, i am a bit small, but everything else is normal, facial hair, pubic hair, testicles. Its all regular.

missie1227
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2005
Total Posts : 751
   Posted 8/30/2006 2:23 PM (GMT -7)   
and by theway....so what is wrong with having a high voice???????????/ it makes you different and who you are....i LIKE DIFFERENT PEOPLE...if we were all the same how boring that would be!!! celebrate who you are!!!
 
i think it is wonderful that you are different!! all the famous artists in the world WERE DIFFERENT!!! all th famous musicans in the world were different, al the famous and creative people in the world are different,why be like everyone else anyways? who says what is normal?
BE YOURSELF AND LOVE WHO YOU ARE FOR YOURSELF..you are a good person with many talents and abilities take this time out to discover or uncover them and use them to your advantage!!!
college is a place to explore you!!! to learn about who you are!! as a person and learning...it is not a time to focus on the negative but the postive and if oyu dont like your college then transfer to a bigger school next year or next semester, and if oyu dont like waht you are studying then find a different major, you hve the power to change all this, think about all the kids who want to go to school and can not b//c the ycan not afford it.
when you graduate you will be in the top 1% of the world who has a BA/BS degree, think how special that makes you.
if there are 6 billion people in the world today, how many ofthem have a college degree?
1% that is how many have it and if you further advance  yourself, the numbers get even smaller
heres the facts:
there are 1 million attys in the usa
there are 1-1.5 million MD's in the usa
there are 1million teachers in the usa
etc...out of 300 mil americans that isnt many
9-02 crash w/ C-5-6-7 anterior/posterior fusion in neck w/11 screws and 4 metal plates. multilevel HNP at T & L section. FMS, PA in dec 05. on SSDI after 2.5 yr wait. sezuires, CTS, IBS ( C & D). norco, xanax, predisone shots. i dont know what else is wrong with me and neither does anyone else!!!


Lazer77
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 8/30/2006 7:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Different, how? Im different because i sound like an idiot? I mean yeah, there are talented people out there with high voices, there are even a few people who rap, which is entirely vocal and they have high voices. But the thing is, i cannot do anything, special, im just your average joe that is extremely easy to give a hard time because of my darn voice. I dont see anything unique, if anything, i see it as a disability.

That and im getting extremely fed up with this crap, of course all of this garbage (trying so hard not to swear) has been piling up on me the past few days. For god knows why i was at the job that i hate today, and my stupid manager decided to put me at the register. Great friggin idea, now i have to answer phones, get on the intercom, all of this crap. Including some stupid lady asking "Do you have larengitis?", "No maam, this is how i talk", and then she gave a dumb smile. Im really tired of this ****...

missie1227
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2005
Total Posts : 751
   Posted 8/30/2006 9:07 PM (GMT -7)   
you may feel this way now about your voice but sooner or later you will come to appreciate it for setting you apart from other people and for making you a special unique person who you are.....and you are wrong... you are special and talented YOU just dont know it  yet!!!!
give yourself some timeto  learn how to use it toyour advantage!!!! people in hollywood LOOK for people who have differnet sounding voices!!! mel Blanc made his fortune sounding 'like an idoit' when he made up all those buggs bunny and dafy duck voices and minnie mouse, etc.... you need to put things in perspective with yourself and USE IT TO YOUR ADVANTAGE
Lazer77 said...
Different, how? Im different because i sound like an idiot? I mean yeah, there are talented people out there with high voices, there are even a few people who rap, which is entirely vocal and they have high voices. But the thing is, i cannot do anything, special, im just your average joe that is extremely easy to give a hard time because of my darn voice. I dont see anything unique, if anything, i see it as a disability.

That and im getting extremely fed up with this crap, of course all of this garbage (trying so hard not to swear) has been piling up on me the past few days. For god knows why i was at the job that i hate today, and my stupid manager decided to put me at the register. Great friggin idea, now i have to answer phones, get on the intercom, all of this crap. Including some stupid lady asking "Do you have larengitis?", "No maam, this is how i talk", and then she gave a dumb smile. Im really tired of this ****...

9-02 crash w/ C-5-6-7 anterior/posterior fusion in neck w/11 screws and 4 metal plates. multilevel HNP at T & L section. FMS, PA in dec 05. on SSDI after 2.5 yr wait. sezuires, CTS, IBS ( C & D). norco, xanax, predisone shots. i dont know what else is wrong with me and neither does anyone else!!!

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