oh and by theway....as many families and folks who think there are no dysfunctional families out there, i know thre ar some nice families out there,,,remember why we come here to vent so let us not have our own opinions skewed into thinking that there are no nice families out there, b/c they do not post here if they are of no issues
Post Edited (missie1227) : 9/1/2006 3:37:12 PM (GMT-6)
wow kala- i know how you must feel.... back then when it happened to me it was considered the worst secret you could have in a family and the social services were not geared up for people like me back in the late 60's early 70's....
i told people at school about it (counselors) but they turned a blind eye to it.
i told everyone about it but no one wanted to help me. i even ran away and told the police why i wanted to run away at 13 and they brought me back to my home!
i didnt want to go back there, everytime my step father walked into a room i walked out of it to be away from him, he played like the innocent one and tried to turn it around like i was the nuts one.
this was a very sick and disturbed family. i didnt ask to be born into this family and think my mother is and was mentally ill who tried to turn it around to make me look like the one who was causing all the problems sorry but it takes more than one person to upset a family.
i was sent to shrinks whom she paid them and it was a guy who she saw herself so the shrink was on her side b/c she was paying him every week for me to go so that was a waste. what i needed was someone honest to turn to but found very little honesty as i grew up and got frozen out of a family so i felt like an orphan to say the least, this had a very severe effect upon me, trust issues and men in general i could not trust.
i eventually found help and learned to grow up and go back to school and it took me to go back to school to learn that what happened to me and why i was depressed was owed to my family dynamics and i tried to help other kids with this. but it got so i could never get away from the feelings b/c i had seen so much of it amongst family's i was working with i had to give it up, i couldnt mentally get away from it ever, and i wanted to leave it behind as i felt bad for all the kids i was working with and wanted to care for them all but couldnt take on peoples problems b/c i had so much of my own to deal with....
so this is who i am at aged 50, i spent the majority of my life being 'victim conscieness' without knowing it and even now even if my mother said she was sorry to me it would not help me as it will not wash off now.....my stepfather never paid for his crime agaisnt me. and i often wonder if he did this to me then how many others did he hurt also out there since he left my mother or since before he left her, and how could a woman who was married knowningly stay with a man who did this to her daughter and even have a baby wit hhim to boot?
she had plenty of her own money and that was not an issue. i just dont understand it. i talked to my cousins ( my mom had 3 sisters) the one who lives in ny, is about 2 yrs older than me. she says she was not molested by her father, he jsut never told her that he loved her, EVER. and was cold to her, her whole life. HER mother ( my mom's sister youngest) was picked on by my mom and my mom;s dad, and teased the crap outta her and made her feel unwanted in the family also, so my mom not only did this to me but she did it to her sister, my dad, me, and her 3rd husband who at aged 80 just got kicked out of her home. she is 78 yrs old and sick with osteo and sprue and it is not like she can go into a bar to find another man to care for her! so she throws him out also. she used people her whole life and now i hope she can know how it feels to be alone at aged 78 and sick with noone around to care for her.
Post Edited By Moderator (Victoria) : 9/3/2006 3:21:39 AM (GMT-6)
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease