Post Edited By Moderator (Victoria) : 9/1/2006 4:13:55 PM (GMT-6)
Kayla, Yes, I do understand because I felt much like you at 18. I also felt hopeless and worthless. I did not have family or alcohol issues but I had my share of problems. I have been depressed most of my life and at 62 I am still looking for some answers. Depression is an awful feeling and you do deserve better. Take one day at a time but first look for a community mental health clinic to help you with your meds. That is the first step. Please know that you are not alone and there are a lot of people who care about you. I do. Keep me posted. Jeanne x
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded...********************
Kala--I think I have figured it out finally. You are upset because of the situation with your Mom and her not allowing you to see your siblings. Well girl guess what--you are not going to change your mother and you do not need her to be the person you are. You are a very loving and caring woman. If you have made repeated attempts to connect with your mother and you are still in a turmoil then I would suggest that you move on with your life without her input. This is not really a good time for you to be dealing with these issues when you are withdrawing from a medication. Your world is turned upside down right now. You can be selfish and take care of yourself first. You owe yourself that, and you deserve it. When you are in a better place in your mind you will find life much easier to deal with.
You can trust me on this--if you do not like yourself then you have to fix that first of all, or you will always be depending on someone else to make you happy. I know because for years I have had major depression and have taken every known antidepressant on the market plus psychotherapy and ECTtreatments. I never have been happy with myself. My parents reinforced the idea that I was stupid. I married at 19 for all the wrong reasons and we have managed to make it work for 43 years. I love my husband very much and he is good to me but I often wish that we could go back and start over with me knowing who I am before we married. I am sure it would have been an easier relationship if I were a stronger person. Just hang on honey and find a community mental health clinic to help with your meds and then move forward by forgiving yourself for all of your past mistakes (we have all made mistakes we regret) and realizing that you ARE a survivor and also a good person. I am not up on all the latest things (senior citizen and all) and I really don't like cats (sorry, but I have asthma) but I do care about you and so do many others.
My youngest son and his wife are coming for overnight tomorrow. Best of all they are bringing my two smallest grandchildren 7 and 5. They and thier three other cousins (children of my older son and his wife) are the lights in my life (plus, good deal here--I am not allergic to them). Hope your labor day weekend contains some joy too.