Sexual Abuse/Rape #2

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els
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Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 9/5/2006 3:59 PM (GMT -7)   
Okay everyone here is our second thread for this topic....Hugs :-)

Elisha

Co~Mod: Depression

Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease

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els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 9/7/2006 5:38 AM (GMT -7)   
Well it looks like I may have to start this one off here... :-)
 

Most all of you pretty much know my story so I won’t go back into it again.  I had my session with my therapist the day before yesterday and I did something I had never done before.  I wrote some of my feelings and yes even some of my fears down on paper and took it into his office.  I did it right before my appointment because I know I would have destroyed it if I had done it any sooner.  Here are a few things I remember writing...

1. I think I will never be able to give myself to another person wholly in mind, emotions, body, thoughts (relationship wise)

2. I fear that the demons of my childhood are always going to haunt me forever

3. I am obsessed with the fact that "he" wasn’t punished properly for the crime against me and was allowed to commit the crime again to another child and is now free to do so.  He won’t stop...

4. I can look around and see the beauty in everything around me trees, animals, the sky but what to scream and cry because of the ugliness that I carry within myself.

5. I am worried I will always be afraid of others and the potential they have to harm

I think since my abuse began at such a young age (3) I never learned how to communicate my feelings, emotions, or any other affectionate type things that children learn in childhood.  I am very controlled, reserved, and very rarely can another person judge or gauge my emotions by my outward actions.  I had to learn to block off and put away things that hurt me as a kid and still to this day I am doing this.

It has been 22 years since my abuse ended...that is a long time and yet it affects me as if it were yesterday.

My therapist says that we need to bring all of it to the forefront either by discussing it or me writing it, get it out there...not something I have ever done before.  I am scared and worried that my anger and hurt will be too much to bear.


Elisha

Co~Mod: Depression

Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease

http://www.healingwell.com/donate


stronglady4me
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 470
   Posted 9/7/2006 9:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Elisha, I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!! I know that was a huge step and you did it beautifully!!  I wish that there was a cartwheels and backflips emoticon because you deserve it.  What an amazing step! You started taking back the power with that move and it is very powerful!!
 
Wishing you softness on your journey, keep going forward! 
Stronglady4me
Walk in harmony


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 9/9/2006 8:08 AM (GMT -7)   

Thank you stronglady.  To tell you the truth I am kind of proud of me too.  It feels like I have all this stuff rolling around in my head all the time and I just wish so much it would stop.  But I think I have come to realize that I need to get it out and put words to it.  I am thinking I am going to write my "stepfather" a letter.  Of course I wont mail it even though I know his address...but I will read it to my thearpist then perhaps burn it, I dont know. 

:-)

Elisha

Co~Mod: Depression

Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease

http://www.healingwell.com/donate


H8NLIFE
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 9/9/2006 12:29 PM (GMT -7)   
I cannot imagine the horror that a child is exposed to and how that horror affects his/her dealing with society in the future. It seems (to me) that child abuse and/or the rape of a woman (or even physical/mental abuse) takes away the soul that was given by GOD.
 
I find it very difficult to watch a TV program or movie that deals with this or attempts to tell a story.
 
I am so sorry you experienced this. No child of any culture, race or socio-economic position should even have to read/hear about it, much less be a victim of it. While I have not been what you would call a prime candidate for the most revealed postion in society, hurting females and children is just an unspoken taboo. I could not imagine doing either.
 
Children are one of GOD's most precious gifts.
 
May you find some solace in life... 
 
 

Perhaps, that is why prayer works sometimes for some people...

 

...because GOD is mute and doesn’t offer advice or attempts to change things. He just listens and lets you work it out for yourself.

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