The blackness is back...

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Elegy
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 31
   Posted 9/6/2006 8:10 AM (GMT -7)   
So...I started my junior year of college yesterday, and after classes were done...I went home, locked myself in my room, and sobbed hysterically until I fell asleep. I didn't eat supper, didn't call home to let everyone know how the first day went...I curled up on my futon and buried myself under a blanket.
 
I don't know if I can do this!
 
I'm so tired of having to function alongside a campus full of other people. I cringe every time a professor looks my way, I want to buckle under the relatively normal weight of homework, and I worry all the time -- about everything. I worry about doing well in school, about being social enough to keep the friends I have (making new ones is out of the question -- my social anxiety has flared up like fireworks again), about burdening my already-stressed boyfriend with more things to mull over...
 
I want to run away. It's the only thing I've thought about in the last two days. I want to run away from all of this...and I don't know why. Last year wasn't this hard -- last year was comfortable compared to this. I want to quit school and run away...I want to get away from all of this. I don't know what to do...
 


stronglady4me
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 470
   Posted 9/6/2006 8:45 AM (GMT -7)   
You've dealt with this before,  you do know what to do.  Call your doctor and get the anxiety under control again.  Everything is new even on a familiar campus.  You need to have time to settle in.  Keep putting one foot in front of the other and get your resources together. It doesn't mean that you need to "burden" your boyfriend although I doubt that he thinks of it that way.  You also need to know that this is really normal, perhaps more difficult to deal with because of the anxiety disorder but still very normal.  All college students are overwhelmed at the beginning of the year.  Think about what sort of structure works for you.  Do you need to see what is coming ahead of you?  Create a quarter calendar of assignments that visually works for you.  These are things that you can do.  I also think that the most important thing you can do is be sure to eat well and get enough sleep.  Take a few weeks and focus on what you need, the friends will still be there when you are ready to engage again.  If they ask about where you have been tell them you got slammed with a demanding schedule but really want to see them.  Then make a date for 2 weeks out so that you still have the time you need right now, friends know you are not deserting them and you have something to look forward to.
 
Hang in and keep in touch. 
Stronglady4me
Walk in harmony


wmnak
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 9/6/2006 10:08 AM (GMT -7)   
As StrongLady says... gather your resources.
A new school year is overwhelming for almost everyone, you've handled it previous years and, with help, will continue.  Seems from you post that your anxiety stems as much from meeting the expectations of others as from the new workload.  Remember that your education is Your goal, Your priority...
Get to a doc and be honest about your increased anxiety and concerns.  You'll get a handle on this ... let us know ...   :-)

CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 9/6/2006 12:53 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Lovely Elegy.

Strong and Wmnak are absolutely right about this being quite common and the advice they've given is great. You know, for most of my childhood, I felt *dreadful* for the first few days of every term -- like you, sobbing uncontrolably and hiding away, and worrying about hiding away. I'm not really sure what changed -- knowledge that I'd survived before and of the time frames for this early anxiety? going to uni and loving the work I was doing there? generally feeling better in myself from CBT and feeling like the world was opening up? One thing's for sure: I did get passed this -- and you will too. When you feel like that, please come here and talk about it -- writing stuff out when you're like that can often help in itself, and we'll all support you too.

Is there a college counsellor you could see? Or a teacher you feel you could speak to? I work in a uni now, and I have a lot of students come to me with similar things. -- And it helps me too, because then I can make sure that I take this into account when we're in class.

Hugs Elegy.

Rosie x
********************

People are not like fish: they do not work well battered.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded...

********************

 
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum


Elegy
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 31
   Posted 9/8/2006 5:52 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks, guys. It took me a day or two to get things under control...but I'm feeling a little better, and today I'm going to schedule myself for counseling here on campus. On Monday, I've got a psychologist appointment, and I will definitely bring to light this anxiety flare-up. Life isn't exactly peachy yet, but it's better...it really is better.

I don't know what else to say. Thanks so much for the common sense, stronglady. I didn't realize how much I needed that -- and wmnak, thank you for the support. I really, really appreciate it. And, as always, thanks so much for your encouragement and advice, Rosie. I adore you guys...
 


stronglady4me
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 470
   Posted 9/8/2006 9:53 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm so glad you are better. Have a wonderful year.
Stronglady4me
Walk in harmony


CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 9/8/2006 12:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Any time lovely Elegy -- you're a good and special lady. -- I'm so please things are a bit better and that you're seeing your psychologist on Monday. You're getting all your resources and support lined up to help you, and this is the most important and positive thing you can do for yourself right now -- it *will* pay off.

Big hugs (((Elegy)))

Rosie x
********************

People are not like fish: they do not work well battered.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded...

********************

 
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum

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