hurt and confused

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4eversadness
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 9/13/2006 12:08 AM (GMT -7)   
 this is my first time on here and i don't know what to do exactly but i need to do something to let out what i am feelin. i have had a good family life yet i still suffer from depression for a long time. people don't understand why and i have tried over and over to get help yet nothing really helps. right now and while other people may not see things the way i do to me it is a big deal. the guy i fell in love left me for someone else and even though he confessed he still loved he had to figure out how it was to be with this other person and i understood that but its hard cuz even after so long i still love and want to be with him. we had deceided not to speak again yet he emails me and tried to be friends yet doesnt understand why and gets upset. i believe he is seeing someone and i would love to be friends with thim yet i can't but i also can't stand him being mad at me. i dont' understand why he emailed me if he has moved on with someone else. and it hurts to know that i am the one still hurting. i have so much else to deal with that this is driving me nuts cuz i do want to be with him but yet i can't be friends with him and if i don't that i will lose him out of my life for sure. i don't have friends to talk to, i am not outgoing or make friends easy and the ones i have don't understand how i feel they just tell me to get over it or they do me wrong. i don't know. either way i end up getting hurt and i don't knwo what to do..

H8NLIFE
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 9/13/2006 3:09 AM (GMT -7)   
4eversadness said...

 
  the guy i fell in love left me for someone else and even though he confessed he still loved he had to figure out how it was to be with this other person and i understood that but its hard cuz even after so long i still love and want to be with him. we had deceided not to speak again yet he emails me and tried to be friends yet doesnt understand why and gets upset. i believe he is seeing someone and i would love to be friends with thim yet i can't but i also can't stand him being mad at me. i dont' understand why he emailed me if he has moved on with someone else.
 
 
While I am no expert regarding loving another (and I have always had problems inter-reacting with the opposite gender), please let me share what little I have learned from a long and tiring life. Love is a very special thing, usually comes once (true love) and does not in any way involve many different partners. While this person you are infatuated with may say he loves you, his actions do not.
 
You need to find that special someone that lightens your day, not cause worry and concern at night. Please do not allow someone to use you. GOD's greatest gift to man was a woman (and children). Please think long and hard before allowing yourself more heartache. Search for that special person that will answer all your needs and desires.
 
Life is too short to do otherwise.

els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 9/13/2006 3:38 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi 4eversadness, welcome to healing well forum, we are most happy to have you.  I am sorry about your relationship.  I am not one to give advice on these matters either as I have struggled in this area of my life greatly or am recovering from a divorce.  Anyhow, there were several key things in your post that alerted to me that perhaps there may be some co-dependence going on with you within this relationship.  Two of them were that "i also can't stand him being mad at me" & "i do want to be with him but yet i can't be friends with him and if i don't that i will lose him out of my life for sure". 

I would strongly recommend that you seek professional help for your depression and try checking in co-dependant relationships and doing some research and learning how to reassert you’re self and build your self esteem back up.

 
 

Elisha

Co~Mod: Depression

Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease

http://www.healingwell.com/donate


stronglady4me
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 470
   Posted 9/13/2006 10:00 AM (GMT -7)   
4eversadness, Welcome. You will find understanding and compassion here.

I think you have been given some great advice already. I think I can understand this picture from both sides. I once had someone that I thought I loved. He was indifferent to me and his actions hurt. This was not true love and I can say this because I found true love in my life with a highschool sweetheart.

Love does not hurt, loving someone is not about hanging on or controlling someone through our actions. The actions of this guy are not the actions of a man who loves you. He is thinking of himself in this scenario and not thinking of what you need. Love is not selfish like this. While I understand how difficult it is to let go, letting go of this person who continues to hurt you is the only way you will be able to recover from the loss.

I think the advice to get some professional help to work this through is very good advice. Stay in touch and good luck,
Stronglady4me
Walk in harmony


4eversadness
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 9/13/2006 4:29 PM (GMT -7)   
i understand what you are saying but the thing is that i don't want to hate him or lose someone because of one stupid mistake. i have learned to deal with what is has doen to hurt and i forgave because of everything we have through together. the thing that makes this worse is that he is not the first one to hurt me this way. i forgive people i guess too easily and it just bothers me that i feel that i am always the one trying to fix things or not do things to upset people that i care about not just him. i have learned tha love always hurts and the more you love the more you do get hurt because you care about that person more. I have tried to let go and i have accepted the fact that we won't be together yet that doesn't stop me from loving him but i thought that i was getting better because i wasn't hurting so much.  i have not called him or emailed after we said goodbye and it hurts now cuz he comes out of nowhere and wants to talk to me and yeah if it was anyone else i would be friends again cuz but this is different. i just don't know how ot explain everything there is jsut too much

stronglady4me
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 470
   Posted 9/14/2006 9:17 AM (GMT -7)   
4eversadness said...
i understand what you are saying but ... i forgive people i guess too easily and it just bothers me that i feel that i am always the one trying to fix things or not do things to upset people that i care about not just him.
 
 i have learned tha love always hurts and the more you love the more you do get hurt because you care about that person more. I have tried to let go and i have accepted the fact that we won't be together 
True forgiveness is not about other people, it is about you and no longer allowing those other people to hurt you.  If you are always the one to "fix things"  you have not accepted the loss of this person in  your life.  I get that this is a very difficult thing to do but if you are really going to move on from this guy you need to tell him to leave you alone.  He keeps opening the wound up everytime you start to grow a scab. 
Love does not hurt.  While trying to find love we might get hurt but when you find real love you will see that it is about two people who choose to be part of each other's lives. Thoughtlessness hurts and this guy has been thoughtless to you and is being careless with your feelings.  He left, he needs to actually leave. 

Stronglady4me
Walk in harmony

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