Hi Autumn Dawn -- beautiful name by the way :) -- welcome to HW! It's been a real godsend to me and I hope you find it the same for you.
I'm so sorry you lost these things. Sometimes it's amazing how much pain can fly at you all at the same time -- big hugs to you (((Autumn))).
I won't say I've been through the same as you, but there are some similarities. Over the last 6 months I've lost, got back, lost, got back, etc, and finally lost my partner (now ex) due to his ptsd and bipolar. He completely shut down in the end. Like you, I have major trust issues now -- recognised this the other day when my ex tried to hug me (seemed a bit like he felt he ought to -- not heartfelt) and I was like a deer in headlights -- major panic attack; and then again when the same day I got chatted up by someone (who seems lovely, but.... argh) and I wanted to run run run and cry cry cry -- but settled for another panic attack.... . Like you I'm lacking motivation. Most of the time I'm not tearful, but I just feel so blank, like I've shut down -- which I suppose I have, as it has just been so painful.
It's odd trying to give advice to you when I'm kind of in the same place (well, in a way, and not in so many ways). I guess I'm starting with friendships -- trying to make sure that I have those people who are special to me and who I already trust around me before I start to think of any new friendships, let alone relationships. I'm enjoying the fact that for the first time in months I am able to find some men attractive ... but when I think any further with this I just go bananas and the breathing starts to go ... so I'm nowhere near ready!!
Sounds like in your case, with a new relationship, you could do with some counselling -- maybe even jointly with your new man, depending on how things stand at present and how comfortable you'd feel suggesting this. I suppose ultimately, if he's a keeper, he'll want to help you. I hope so!!!
People are not like fish: they do not work well battered.
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded...
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum