Hi Wolfer, I have had depression for a very long time since I was a teenager I imagine. I was sexually abused for many years by my stepfather which is what I believe brought it on along with anxiety and panic disorder that I have. I think I forgot to mention Post Tramatic Stress Disorder in there too. Anyway, I am 33 yrs old and have Multiple Sclerosis dx'ed for 5 yrs now. I have always worked hard at trying to put my past behind me and moving on...I went to school and have a BS in Psychology. I am working on my Masters now....slowly. Last year I became very sick all of a sudden and ended up in the hospital for several weeks. Had to have a pacemaker implanted to keep my heart regulated due to Bradycardia and Sick Sinus Syndrome. I also had extremely low blood pressure to the point that everytime I would try to stand up I would pass out. It was determined that I have an Autonomic disorder that had brought all this on. I was unable to return to my job so I had to resign my position and file for disability.
It is difficult to live everyday in a body that wont work or do what you want it to or what it used to. When I was diagnosed with the autonomic disorder and found out that it was going to drastically shorten my life span I was in the darkest place I think I have ever been as far as depression goes. My mother pushed me into seeing a psychiatrist who changed my antidepressant, that was the first step. Then he set me up with a counselor who deals with people have severe medical issues, that was the second step. I didnt think it would help but I went and it just to be able to get some of my fears out and know that they were validated.
ElishaCo~Mod: DepressionModerator: Heart & Cardiovascular Diseasehttp://www.healingwell.com/donate
Hi, I thought I would add my 2cents. Wolfer and all of you that posted... have been through the wringer and back. We have a right to gripe as far as I am concerned. But, then we have to do something to change things and move on out of the depression.
Unfortunately, unlike horses, we don't get shot to get us out of our pain and suffering. lol Mabye not so funny to some, but I"m sure some have wished for that kind mercy at times of great pain.
Wolfer, I would say that you are very overwhelmed and scared. Your life has changed drastically and that is somthing very difficult to look at, deal with and accept. There are all kinds of feelings involved, loss, grief, anger, and eventually if you can not get stuck in these, you will come to accept things. It is like a death of sorts, don't you think. You have lost your ability to make money, your pride has been crushed, and you mentioned you are disabled to the point of self catherization. I know something about that. I have a 24 year old with spinabifida and she does that 4 times a day and has since she was small. It's not something that is easy to manage. So, there is embarrasment over that, I'm sure. And a feeling that you have lost a part of you that you used to could control to some degree.
I have been fortunate to have not been physically ill until about 4 years ago. I do have a psychiatric disorder, bipolar2; and now have prednisone induced diabetes, Autoimmine disease attacking my liver, skin and connective tissue. After reading your posts and some of the others I feel fortunate. Although, I have been dealing with mental and emotional pain for many years (sometmes people don't understand that as illness) it can and has been devastating at times.
These things are harder for some to accept that others. Sometimes we hold on to the past instead of living today.. wishing we could go back.. I know I do at times. I would sure have done things differently in many way, esp with my health. The fear of the unexpected is difficult and that " what else can happen"?? song has been playing in my mind for the past 6 months. I am working on acceptance but I'm still pretty pissed that this has happened to me. I have to realize that I have not got much control though, except to do the things that help me. Wrting on here helps me and I hope it helps others.
I know I need feedback and encouragement from others as I trudge through these illnesses. I've had a success today. Finally the medication for the Psoriatic arthritis is working after 3 months.
I am hoping that by now you have some answers from the procedure you had done.
My best to you in dealing with these life changing and painful issues. I pray you can come to accept things in time and live with some serenity.
(((Judy)) No offence intended and certainly none taken! No apology necessary for truth and honesty. I have similar thoughts at times. We are 'allowed' to be caring, compassionate, responsible pet owners ... I've been thru it twice with my old, terminal, best companion cats.
Alieviating our own suffering is much more complicated and dependant on both the medical profession and our own internal stength and resolve.
I'm delighted to report that a personal fear has begun to ease. In making this move from TX to AL, a huge concern has been finding competent doctors. As of yesterday, I've lined up a good team for husband that he really likes: GP, Psychiatrist, and Pain Mgt Specialist. Am soooo! relieved. I've found a GP for myself, too ... will go back to TX soon for followup with surgeon and oncologist, but feel lots more confident about locating good specialist in AL for me when we get back next year.
Having a supportive medical team and appropriate meds is a key for all of us. Not always easy to accomplish...
Thinking of you, Wolfer ... when will you get results re MS?
Judy ... how are you?
I'm struggling with the worse cold I've had in years. Diabetes walk Saturday, art show with daughter Sunday, yard work yesterday despite runny nose ... and COLD temps all 3 days. Need to go back to TX where forecast for today is 81.
I know this is long, so If just 1 person responds when they have time..
Hi everyone. I just joined the forum because I think I've drained all my family and friends emotionally!(maybe physically 2 ) I am 24 years old and I feel like I'm 80. I have 2 beautiful boys, 5 and 2.They r the reason I keep going, although it is a nightmare trying to raise them thru anxiety and depression. Since I can remember I've always been an anxious and nervous person. I first experienced these feelings as young as 4yrs old, thats when I started school. Thru out the years I've exhausted my self avoiding social situatuions. Then when I turned 18 my life was turned upside down. 2 make a long story short, I was misdiagnosed wiht HIV. U think I would have been ok when they finally found out it wasn't that. But instead it left me a wreck. I was even more terrified 2 go 2 the docs 4 anything, thinking I was always going 2 get bad news. I stuffed that experience and tried 2 go on w/ my life. I had my first son at 19. Ideveloped pre eclampsia and it damaged my kidneys, heart, and nerves! I was depressed, and thought I was dying but I slowly got better 2 my surprise. I was scared to have another child again, but the docs told me that it wasn't likely that i would have those complications the 2nd time around. Well I didn't have the same complications, just MORE! At 22 I had my 2nd son, and immidiately I developed severe insomnia. I didn't know why. My doc said it was just post partum depression and it would go away w/ the paxil. It never did. My insomnia got so bad I was hospitalized. Then my gallbladder went bad and I needed that removed! The surgery went horrible and I ended up in icu needing 5 pints of blood! Everything just made me go CRAZY. The docs now say I have a ,mood disorder, but who wouldn't w/ so much sleep loss? Just this past month my 2 year old stopped breathing! He has horrible tantrums, and what the docs call breath holding spells. I had never heard of it until this happened. I thought my baby was dead.He was limp and blue. I was paralyzed w/ fear barely able to dial 911, while my husband did cpr. By the grace of GOd he started breathing again after a few mins, which felt like eternity! I'm scared to b alone w/ him because I' 2 nervous it will happen again. I wonder how I can keep living w/ so much emotional and physical pain. I've tried atleast 4-5 diff meds, and 4 diff psychs! Nothing manged my problems long enough. I pray 4 everyone that is suffering, please pray 4 me.