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wizzer120
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 71
   Posted 10/8/2006 1:04 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello,
Hello, I just singed up so I hope you don't mind me posting here.  You all seem to know what you are doing and right now I feel pretty clueless.  I just think I need to start taking steps forward rather than backward.  Im 34 and have had yet another really bad year.  I don't have anyone to talk to besides my husband who is the most upbeat, laid back 'water off a ducks back' kind of guy I know. He just keeps telling me not to worry, I love him dearly, but I don't feel he understands what it is like to feel so sad.  I have never seen anyone (doctors) as I have always managed to supress everything and be what everyone else needs me to be, but now I just feel like it would be great to just disappear (I am not suicidal, I just want to crawl in a hole!).  Is this normal?  Can anyone tell me what you are doing to beat this?  Do these feelings stay forever?  I feel so lost in life.
I have catergorised and compartmentalised and generally tried to tackle one thing at a time, but it just doesn't seem to be working.
I could really do with some ideas if you have time to share.
Thanks

sexysue
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 60
   Posted 10/8/2006 1:40 PM (GMT -7)   
hello . sorry to hear that you are trying to supress those feelings . let them out . they are a part of you . they are natural . why are you trying to supress them ? for everybody else's sake . you was put on this earth to make yourself happy . not anybody else . you got every right to be yourself . if your family and friends don't like the true you , then they are the ones who has a serious problem . NOT YOU . if you are going try and supress those feelings all the time which are very natural feelings , you are always going to feel what you are feeling now all the time . they won't go away until you release them . they want and need to be released . so do yourself a favour , release them and be yourself . darn everybody else . you only live once  tongue        

wizzer120
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 71
   Posted 10/8/2006 2:09 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello,
Thanks for replying. I know it makes sense and I keep telling myself the same, it just seems so hard to do. Do you ever feel like your problems are trivial and that you should just get on with it? "There is always someone worse of thatn you" type of feelings? I keep thinking this and perhaps I shouldn't. I guess I may not be facing the realities myself.

I struggle to believe that I am here for me and not everyone else. How sad is that, it sounds ridiculous saying it 'out loud', but I just can't seem to shift the balance. God I feel like I need to rant!

Thanks for your comments, its nice to talk to someone that understands.

Chartreux
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9622
   Posted 10/8/2006 3:41 PM (GMT -7)   
I agree with the other that venting is good and writing things on this post is a form of release. I too have been through a lot with my health this year and have just wanted to crawl into a closet to wait it out. Hope you'll find a bright spot in all that mess you're going through.
Hugs from me
keep us posted and keep on venting if you want.

MrsGriffin
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 204
   Posted 10/9/2006 3:54 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi,
 
Welcome.  A lot of people here know how you feel and you are not alone.
 
I would encourage you to talk with your doctor.  There are physical causes for depression and your doctor can help rule things out.  There are chemical imbalances, hormonal imbalances and even simple deficiencies that can make you feel really bad.  So please talk with a doctor.  There are self-assessment checklists online that you can print off and show your doctor; it's a good place to start.
 
I disagree with the philosophy, "You are put on the earth to make yourself happy", but I do agree that you need to take care of yourself and address your needs, especially if you have a family.  Sort of the "put the oxygen mask on yourself first before you help your seat-partner" on-a-plane analogy. yeah
 
I also understand about your husband.  They can't "fix" us (even though they'd like to).  Just let him know that you're feeling overwhelmed right now and give him some practical things that can help. 
 
And, please, talk to a doctor.  It can get better.
(hugs)


I'm a 36 year old mother, have had Crohn's for 14 years.  Taking Imuran, Pentasa, prednisone, Prevacid, Forvia, fish oil and Cymbalta.

Post Edited (MrsGriffin) : 10/9/2006 6:35:59 AM (GMT-6)


wizzer120
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 71
   Posted 10/9/2006 4:59 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks to you all for replying, I actually feel that there are people out there that have a remote understanding of what it is like.
I completely fell to pieces last night. My husband simply asked if I was OK and did I want a coffee, things just have to change.
I have taken the plunge and have just booked an appointment to see my doctor at 5pm tonight. I have no idea what I will to say to him, but one step at a time I guess.
Thanks for all the advice, I'll keep you posted.
Hugs from me to you all.

Suzy35
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 248
   Posted 10/9/2006 5:13 AM (GMT -7)   
HI Wizzer, yes, alot of us here know exactly what you are going through. I hope your doctors appt. goes well. I have had a really bad few months and the doc put me on prozac. It seems to help, but doesn't take everything away, but at least I can move forward.
I tell myself all the time that there are people out there with many more problems that me and why am I so depressed? Don't supress things, if nothing else come here and type away. I does help a bit to get it out.

wmnak
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 10/9/2006 9:17 AM (GMT -7)   
Good for You! for making the appointment with your Doc!
That's a major step forward - can't get help till you acknowledge that you are past being able to handle things on your own.  Let us know how it goes.
:-)

wizzer120
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 71
   Posted 10/9/2006 10:42 AM (GMT -7)   

Well, I went and now I get to spend the next two months sharing my life with something called Fluoxetine as a starting point.  Is this a downhill spiral or the road to recovery?  Do you every truly recover and move on or do your thoughts and the drugs manage to haunt you forever?  Feeling a little optimistic, a little low and a little bewildered too right now.  I can’t believe that I have finally told someone how I am doing (or not doing as may be the case right now) I don’t think I would have done it without reading the positive encouragement from you all – thanks for the ‘push’.  Doc reckons I should write it all down, anyone done that and found it helped?  Not sure I see the reasoning on that.

My auto spell checker doesn’t recognise Fluoxetine, keeps trying to change it to ‘flexitime’ – now there is a thought!

Does anyone know what this drug is?  I guess I’ll go off and investigate a bit.  PS My husband has just gotten very upset at the thought of me taking these - he thinks they are dangerous, any suggestions?  I can’t have him feeling like he is failing too.

Hugs


MrsGriffin
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 204
   Posted 10/9/2006 11:11 AM (GMT -7)   
Is it Fluvoxamine (Luvox)? It's generally prescribed for obsessive compulsive disorders.

As far as recording your feelings and thoughts - it can be helpful because it's a way to track if your medication is working or not. Just jot down how you feel each day and if a few weeks/months, you should be able to look back and see a change. Documentation is good. You don't have to show it to anybody.

Again, good for you for talking with your doctor! You made an important step towards getting better.


I'm a 36 year old mother, have had Crohn's for 14 years.  Taking Imuran, Pentasa, prednisone, Prevacid, Forvia, fish oil and Cymbalta.


wizzer120
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 71
   Posted 10/9/2006 11:24 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Mrs Griffin, its definately Fluoxetine, (Fluoxetine hydrochloride) just found it on the net - better known as the good old fashoined Prozac. At least I know what I am taking now. Not looking forward to some of the side effect listed, but if it does the job...

How are you doing today? I feel very selfish thinking about me all the time lately. I hope can show the same level of moral support you (all) have given me sometime.

MrsGriffin
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 204
   Posted 10/9/2006 7:08 PM (GMT -7)   
Don't feel bad for thinking about yourself - you need to right now!

I had my first visit with my doctor this week too - It was so hard doing that! But I'm glad I did. I was prescribed Cymbalta for depression and pain. I've only taken it a few days but I am hopeful that it will help. I also started a journal - a list of how I'm feeling each day and any physical symptoms. My brain has felt so foggy lately that I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to remember stuff if I didn't write it down! :P
I'm a 36 year old mother, have had Crohn's for 14 years.  Taking Imuran, Pentasa, prednisone, Prevacid, Forvia, fish oil and Cymbalta.


wmnak
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 10/9/2006 7:56 PM (GMT -7)   

Re: Journals    Absolutely a good idea.  Not only to track how you are adjusting to new meds, but as an opportunity to vent and to explore feelings that pop up out of nowhere.  Sometimes I find journal entries to be a kind of automatic writing, just a thinking/processing through my fingertips, bypassing my conscious mind and tapping into some root causes.  Since these writings are private (I email myself) and password protected, there is no anxiety about what it written or how it may appear to anyone else .. and spelling isn't an issue, lol.

Hope ya'll are feeling better soon.  Keep on track with making Self the priority - it's lots easier to live with yourself that way.

:-)

judyinky
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 254
   Posted 10/9/2006 10:34 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi,
I just wanted to jump in to say that there are other things you can do besides thake medication for depression. However, while we are depressed we usaully don't feel like doing them. I just know for me that doing things outside home helps even if it's going out to lunch with a friend, walking, changing my thinking. Thoughts lead to feelings and feelings lead to actions. So if we an catch the thoughts and change them, we have a good chance of not feeling such negativitty. I think so many of us get depresssed with the holidays nearing. Also, sometimes things just build up, and holding them in definatley causes depression. It helps to be with and around others that can validate our feelings and help us with solutions. Going to the doctor, taking the medication, if it is helpful, and working on the issues in your life that are causing the stress.. HELLO.. I am talking to myself... anyway, all these things are good to do. I have found for me that thest fearful thoughts of (what if I feel this way forever) (mabye I will never ever feel good again, I am worthless, ect. ) keep me upset. So, I try very hard to stop them by just saying.. well these thoughts are only coming because I am having some insecuriity and fear and I'm down a bit.. I will move past them. If I can't say them to myself, I ask someone who knows me well to tell me what I am like when I am not depressed and that I will get through it, even though I am suffereing now.. Well..I went on and on. Sorry. Depression has followed me around for years so I do have a little experience.
Unfortunately, it still happens despite the medicaton, the work I do on my self, the insight, support, ect. I just have to live on day at a time.

I see this post was started last week. I hope you are doing much better by now. Don't be afraid to tell your doctor if you feel the medication is not working, be your own advocate!!

Be Well,

Judy
"Hope is seldom found in the things we can see;it is the sweet fragrance of grace."

             

 




slowlygoingcrazy
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 122
   Posted 10/9/2006 11:22 PM (GMT -7)   
I can totally relate to what you are dealing with. I myself have suffered severe depression for what seems like an eternity. As it is, I am sitting here at the computer and it is 2am, and I should have been in bed at least 2 hrs ago, but I'm avoiding it because I feel so horrible. At least being here I'm focussed on something else, lying in bed, I'm focussed on the negativity. And keeping a written log is definitely helpful for me. I am a "writer" by nature and when I feel like everything has built up so much inside that I'm just going to scream, the only way I seem to be able to ease the pressure is to let some of it flow out through my pen onto the paper or through my finger tips onto the computer screen. So I encourage you to write out your feelings and vent, as they say. It can also help you work through jumbled emotions so that when you try to deal with the problem or talk to someone else about it, it's easier to explain, clearer in your head. I hope the medication is helping. I find at first it's wonderful but if you don't actually do anything about what's causing the depression, you'll only end up on more drugs. So you can't just rely on the drugs to make you better. You need to learn to talk about your feelings and if coming here helps and is a good starting point, then we're here to listen. I can say that from experience. Over the last year and a half, my EffexorXR has gone from 75mg to 225mg, and my doctor is now adding tryptan to the mix to try to help the Effexor work better. I sometimes feel like I'm fighting a losing battle, but then my kids make me laugh and I know that I have to keep fighting no matter what horrible stray thought might pop into my head. But I also need to find a balance where my needs, my dreams, my wants, are being looked after. I'm glad you have a supportive husband. If he is concerned about your medications, take him with you to your next appointment. The doctor might be able to ease his worries. At least he's worried about you!!!! I'm having a hard time getting any kind of a reaction out of my husband.... And that's a hugely frustrating point for me. I want to talk to him and tell him how I'm feeling but I am afraid he won't have the time for me or he'll brush me off or he'll fall asleep and I'll end up talking to what might as well be an empty room again! Anyways, I do need to force myself to go to bed, maybe getting up and moving around will help these overwhelming feelings of sadness dissipate a little. It's like a set of 100lb weights sitting on my shoulders... And part of the problem is, I don't want to go to work tomorrow.... Anyways, I hope the drugs are helping you think clearer. Write as much as you want, I know I do!!!!! And most importantly, take care of yourself! You'll never get better if you don't learn to make yourself a priority from time to time. My best years have been when I've found the time to look after myself... But in the last year and a half since my mother-in-law's death, I have definitely not been spending enough time looking after myself and that's part of the problem. So look after yourself.... I mean it!

slowly
 It would be easier to tell people I have cancer than it is to tell them I am severely depressed.....


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 10/10/2006 9:51 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi wizzer120, I just wanted to jump in here and welcome you to Healing Well, we are most happy to have you join us.  I am glad that you have had some positive input from some of our veteran members and were able to get to your physician for help.  For some people who havent had chronic problems with depression they can have bouts of Situational Depression which in most cases is temporary and with the help of short term medication and thearpy is resolved within a few months.  Taking an antidepressant isnt dangerous so you can put your husband's mind to rest there...it is more dangerous letting depression go untreated for too long.  Just be sure to keep the communication lines open with your physician should you have any problems and dont hesitate to report anything.  Everyone is differant and reacts differantly to these meds so that is something to keep in mind.
We are always here, I do hope you continue to find HW a good source of support and information.  Take care :-)

Elisha
Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease
http://www.healingwell.com/donate

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