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New Member

Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 10/14/2006 9:41 AM (GMT -6)   

Post Edited (dawnb70) : 10/19/2006 2:18:37 AM (GMT-6)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 10/14/2006 3:45 PM (GMT -6)   
Dear Dawn,

What occured that allowed you let your Mom back into your life? Have you been to counseling and group therapy to heal these wounds? These are serious scars on your heart that need intervention. This has nothing to do with your Mom - this has everything to do with YOU. You are probably depressed because you do not give yourself persmission to hate your mother. I'm not suggesting you hate your Mother but I do believe that is okay to acknowledge that Mother or not, this person is not safe enough to occupy a space in your heart and that's OK.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 10/14/2006 9:17 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi dawn, Welcome to Healing Well forum we are happy to have you. It is odd how when we are children we can idolize our parents even if they are abusive or non attentive. It doesnt seem that your parents were supportive nor did you have a stable environment else they certianly wouldnt of beat you as you state and would of gotten you proper help. Now that your an adult, it is up to you to try to heal from that horrible up bringing and seek counseling and some support for yourself.  There are many here who can relate so please do feel free to continue to post.  Take care

Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease

Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 122
   Posted 10/15/2006 1:01 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi, I am so sorry that you had to suffer so. I know how difficult it is to be a young parent. I was 18 and the "sperm donor" left before I was even two months pregnant. Telling my parents was the hardest thing I had to do. But I know I am one of the lucky ones because I had extremely supportive parents. They were disappointed in me but they would not turn their back on me. In fact, I can even relate to your near suicide attempt. When my son was about 2 1/2 mths old, he went three weeks not sleeping more than 45 minutes at a time, breast feeding constantly and crying all the time. After three weeks, I lost it and if my parents had not been there to take him away from me, I'm not sure where either of us would be today. So I can totally relate to your difficulties as a young parent. That in itself is enough to deal with. But to have your parents turn on you the way yours did, is absolutely horrible. I can't even imagine if my parents had done that. I probably would've gone through with the adoption... It is hard to know what advice to give to you regarding your mother now without knowing the context of why suddenly you hate her again after letting her get close. But you must do what you must do. And as far as still being depressed even though you know you hate her, depression is very physical. Just because you know exactly what's wrong and deal with it, doesn't mean the physical symptoms go away. Many of us know what we have to do, but are so burdened with the weight of the symptoms themselves, that we find it hard to do what it is we know we must do. (I hope that made sense!) For example, I was supposed to be doing some office work but instead I've been playing on line games for the last couple of hours, maybe more. I know getting that work done would mean being able to go to bed feeling good about myself, but instead I can't stop playing these stupid games... I know they are stupid. I know what I should be doing, but the blackness in my head makes it hard for me to focus on the tasks I should be doing. The aches and pains are frustrating. Games allow me to forget all of that temporarily. So just because I know what the solution is, doesn't mean I'm cured. It goes much deeper than that... Tell us more and maybe we can provide more advice to help you cope or make whatever decision it is you feel you must make regarding your mother and you's relationship at this point in your life.

We're here to listen and support you.

 It would be easier to tell people I have cancer than it is to tell them I am severely depressed.....

New Member

Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 10/16/2006 4:11 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you all for your words.
First I let my mum back in to my life when I was going through a bad time with my oldest son.At the time he was blaming my for things that were going wrong in his life.I thought I wasn't to blame for the things going wrong in his life.It made me realise I should let go of the past and not blame my mum so much so I did.By the way when I was pregnant my mum told me never to touch my stomach and that she hated the thing growing inside me, when did give birth to my son for one reason and an other my mum had to be there with me.And the moment my mum saw my son she fell in love with him, but to me the damage had been done, I never bonded with my son the way I should have.And it has affected our relationship.
June  this year my mum, dad, my sister her boyfriend& son,my brother his girlfriend and kids, were going on there holiday.My sisters boyfriend left her a few months before so they asked me to go.Never having a family Holiday with my family(mum dad) ever in my life i jumped at the chance. It turned out to be the worst decision i have ever made.My mum didn't want to spend any time with me because on the first night my bother and girlfriend were fighting and I got really upset about it.I have not seen violence since i left home at 17, i had a panic attack, and i said to my mum it was her and my dads fault we had all turned out the way we did.because of the violence we saw growing up. that's all I said. After a few days I asked her why? she didn't want to go for a walk with me? I asked her why? she couldn't sit on the beach with me even in th shade? on her own.She said she didn't like to sit in the sun it was to hot and it was HER holiday and she didn't want to get up early to go for a walk.She just didn't want to do anything with me.She spent the whole time with my sister.When i broke down crying cause i felt such alone she just got up and walked off and left me.I was shocked because as a mum if my child was crying i would at lest try to comfort them. When we got back from our holiday she told everyone my brother and i spoilt her holiday.She is fine with my brother but me she is not.Before going away she would phone me and when she was going to hang up she would you!  now she doesn't really phone and  she never tells me she loves me anymore.
My mum had 3 kids by and other man before meeting my dad,I was one of them. She went on to have another 3 with the man i call dad. out of her 6 kids.One son killed himself 2 others have tried to kill themselves.I think we have all tried to run away when kids.
In the last 8 years she said she is a born again christian.I just cant see this.I think she is only nice to people who she thinks needs her.I'm sure she thinks i dont need a mum. 
I am so sorry this is so long
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