Hi feelsalone, I am glad that you felt safe enough to post here...I do hope you come back to post again. I wonder by the way you post if you’re in the UK perhaps? I can post an international helpline for you if you like...that would give you someone to talk to one on one. They are unbiased and really do help.
I have posted two links below for you. They both are really great resources.
ElishaCo~Mod: DepressionModerator: Heart & Cardiovascular Diseasehttp://www.healingwell.com/donate