Losing Directions, Losing Hope.

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TheBrigsby
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 10/16/2006 3:57 PM (GMT -7)   
I've seen psychiatrists and psychologists like perhaps many of you all have, but all it does is get me to take more and more pills and make more and more doctors appointments.
I live in Colorado for school and the first two years of college were alright considering i had a great girlfriend, but once she split on me, i couldn't cover up the depression which i'd been experiencing since the begginning of highschool. After bottoming out almost a year ago I got help, got on celexa and a mood stabilizer and it worked for awhile. But now i'm crashing into short term deep depressions that manage to derail me for two or three weeks. I've talked to the doctors about it and they just said to keep adjusting the medications.. this has led me to hit evil manic episodes for weeks followed by terrifying depression. This has just happened over the last week or so and now i'm bummed again with a Serious loss of direction. All i want to do is give up on any of the commitments I have and just run away, forget about all my firends and my obligatiosn and just get away.. i knwo this isn't the answer becasue this garbage will obviously follow me wherever i go... but is there anyone out here that knows how to approach depression and related feelings on a daily basis... i'm finding it hard to get past the hopelessness, its even starting to make me cry right now..
 
Any response would be awesome

judyinky
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 254
   Posted 10/16/2006 9:29 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi,
I can very much identify with the depression you described. It can be all consuming, disrupting your life, and relationships, and is very scary. I am glad you came here to talk about it.

Right now it sounds like you are feeling hopeless and helpless, but you are not alone. We are here for you and have a very supportive support group. When one is depressed the thoughts and feelings are of hopelessness, fear and despair. I'm sure you know them all too well. I am very familiar with them too, all of us here are.

You said that a breakup with your girlfriend forced to face the depression you were in. I'm sorry for the breakup, but glad that you sought help. Have you stopped seeing your therapist and Pdoc?
Are you off your medications? Sometimes the medications do stop working after awhile, and there needs to be adjustments to dosages, or a change. You also said that you have the depression for about 3 weeks, followed by mania. Have you been diagnosed with bipolar? I would assume so if you have been on a mood stabilizer.

Feeling like giving up is normal when you are depressed. I hope you have some support there at school. I know it's hard to think of things to do when you are so depressed. I"m sure it was an effort to even get on the computer and post here, but it's so great that you did. :-)
It sounds like you are frustrated with the system, meds, and docs. I've been that we, and not too long ago. That's when I know that it's time for a change or a new direction dealing with my symptoms.

I can't tell you what to do, only make suggestions. I hope you will continue to write here, and seek out as much help as you can, online and off. When I get in the shape you are in I have a few friends that will "be" with me. I mean be with me, just the way I am. It's less scary that way. I have one friend in particular that comes to get me and takes me to her house or out to lunch. Sometimes she has to just come and take me because I won't get out of the bed, answer the phone, ect. I will call her at my worst though.. and it helps me just to change my focus a little. It's not all in the medications.
It's starts with us changing out thoughts. Thoughts lead to feelings, and feelings to actions.
If I can get hold of that when i am depressed, I can usually start doing something objectively and my thoughts will change, or get with someone that gets me away from home, which is my hiding place, esp my bed.
After you are moving around and doing more, moving the body, it sort of teaches your brain that it is ok to function, even for a little while. Those are like baby steps. Sometimes we have to take them to get going.

For me, I have always needed professional help to deal with my symptoms. I have gotten plenty frustrated, and the meds have stopped working for me too. But, I am now committed to working with all the tools that I can find to help me, including a good doctor, medication and therapy. I take a mood stabilizer, an antidepressant, and an anti-anxiety medication

I have been depressed about personal and physical problems lately. I have gotten support from people on here, and it helps me a lot to write to others like you. I hope I have given you some tiny
glimmer of light and hope, and in no way am I telling you to "snap out of it" we both know that is not possible. But...those baby steps, a phone call to a close friend, reaching out, moving around, taking a walk, a shower... doing something that might seem impossible are big things when we feel like we cannot do them. I have finally convinced myself that I won't do those little things instead of can't.
I can say that to myself now, and am pretty successful at making myself do them to help me out of the mess I am in.

I wrote a lot. I hope I didn't say tooo much, but I felt a lot of desperation in your post and want to help you if can.

I hope we'll be seeing more posts from you on here.

Hang in There!!! Help is here.. keep coming back.

Judy
"Hope is seldom found in the things we can see;it is the sweet fragrance of grace."

             

 




TheBrigsby
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 10/16/2006 9:39 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for the reply, made me feel better for sure. Its one thing to even find a place like this and read other peoples solutions or suggestions for other people but when it really pertains to your situation it makes a real difference. I took your advice and called up my cousin and one of my friends and felt a little better too. I guess tomarrow is another day. And although its beginning to sound cliche, it is true... Thanks for your post.

judyinky
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 254
   Posted 10/17/2006 12:33 AM (GMT -7)   
Brigsby,
I'm so glad you wrote back, and am certainly glad you are feeling better, and that you have taken some action to do something to help yourself. :-)

When I found this site I was looking for a place where I could get support for several medical conditions I have. I found that, and also a place where I could give and receive support for my mental and emotional needs. It's a great place to vent, learn, and give and give support.

I also understand how good it feels for someone to reply and specifically address your needs. I'm glad I happened to be here and could help. I know as others read, you will get more support.

I have a brother in Boulder. He is a part time therapist, and works for The Museum of History and Science as a Graphic Designer. Where are you in CO. What are you studying? I am in Louisville, KY, 54, widowed, 3 grown children, 4 grand children, and a loving and supportive partner. He has helped me through a lot of rough spots. I'm blessed to have him in my life.

It was very good to hear back from you. I hope you write again soon.

Judy
"Hope is seldom found in the things we can see;it is the sweet fragrance of grace."

             

 




TheBrigsby
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 10/17/2006 12:49 AM (GMT -7)   
I live in Boulder as a matter of fact, I'm twenty one, finishing off my degree in History and Meteorology. Can't seem to get it done fast enough though hehehe

judyinky
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 254
   Posted 10/17/2006 2:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Brigsby,

sorry I'm just now getting back to you. How was your day? It's quite a coincidence that you live in the same city as my brother, Bill. History and Meteorology sounds interesting and different. Where are you from originally?

I was wondering what medication you are on. I read back through your post and you see that you are still seeing a doctor and are on medication. It sometimes takes awhile for the medications to work and hard to find the right combination. I am sure you know that by now. Self help is a big part of it though, like I said in my post to you. It sounds like you took some steps toward that last night by calling your friend and a cousin, and by posting here !!! I hope you will keep it up.
Have you made plans for the evening? Even a small one could help your mood.

Oh, I want to suggest that you post on the bi-polar forum too. It seems that your post is getting overloooked here. Sorry for that. Hopefully that will change as people get home from their daily activities. But having it two places will generate more support.

Looking forward to hearing about your day.

Judy
"Hope is seldom found in the things we can see;it is the sweet fragrance of grace."

             

 




CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 10/17/2006 3:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Brigsby --

Welcome to HW! You've already met our wonderful Judy and I hope you will come to meet more and more of the supportive and friendly people here.

Like you, a fairly recent break-up triggered my depression -- and I do understand that, for both of us, the depression is not the *result* of the break-up -- that the break-up triggered our depressions with more force. In fact, in all the chaos of the months before the "final" break, my depression resurged and I found myself back at the doc asking for my prescription. I'm lucky, though: I know what meds work for me, and it has helped hugely. For you it sounds like it's been so much harder because you just haven't been getting the help that you so much need.

Judy asked a really important question I think -- about the significance of your taking a mood stabiliser. As she said, these are normally prescribed for bipolar. You also mentioned manias, which again says to me bipolar. Have you actually been formally diagnosed with this? How much has your psychiatrist or psychologist talked to you about what symptoms you suffer from and diagnosis of them? I'm concerned that you have been told by doctors just to "keep adjusting the medications"... Did they actually monitor this, or was it left for you to do? If the latter, then they are being incredibly irresponsible. Does there seem to be any plan or strategy behind the changes they suggest (if in fact they suggest these and don't just leave you to get on with it)?

The thing with bipolar depression is that you need anti-depressants to ward off the depression, but too high a dose or them not being taken in combination with a mood stabiliser can send you to the opposite end of the spectrum -- those manias. Equally, too high a dosage of mood stabiliser or anti-psychotic can trigger depression. Added to these problems are the facts that there is no standard dosage for these meds (depends on the person, and on the phase they are in), and that meds need to be adjusted at times to take into account different phases (depression or mania) as they are seen to emerge (rather than just using meds to react to full-blown depression or mania). In addition, of course, you need therapy to help you deal with the practical side of managing your condition. Add these things together and what you need is a really good psychiatrist who has experience of dealing with bipolar and can diagnose and treat you appropriately (and psychologist if your psychiatrist only does prescribing -- it's best to find a psychiatrist that does prescribing and therapy in mt experience and from what I've read of others being sent backwards and forwards). Of course it's just possible that you're not bipolar (though your reference to mania makes me doubt this): if this is the case, you still need a good psychiatrist to make a proper diagnosis, rule this out, and confirm what you *are* suffering from.

I suppose what I'm saying is that, if your docs are not being clear with you, if they are not explaining what they have diagnosed, if they are not talking you through your medication in a way that is easy to understand, and if they are seeming to palm you off on any of these questions, you need to find a doc who *is* going to do these things. I read many posts from people who tell about all the times they've been let down by these systems, and it sounds so disheartening. But I've also been let down in the past myself: then I found a doctor who was clued up, and, though I've moved a couple of times since then, I've never since settled for anything less. -- It's difficult: until you've experienced how much being treated by a really good doctor helps, it's hard to see how it *could* help that much. This is what I wish for you -- it changes everything!!

Well, there's loads more I'd love to ask you and talk to you about, but I'll leave my message there for now (did someone say "waaayyyy too long!!"?!? lol).

If you have been diagnosed with bipolar, or you simply want to find out more about what it entails (and I promise it's not all scarey!!), do pop over to join us on the bipolar board (also in this forum). Judy and I are both there -- and many other fabulous peeps (peeps = lovely people!). It's quieter than this board, so it may take slightly longer for people to respond, but they're always ready to do so when they're on!! :)

Anyway, I'll look out for your posts there and here, and hope to get to know more about you.

All best,

Rosie x
********************

People are not like fish: they do not work well battered.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded...

********************

 
Moderator, Bipolar Forum


wmnak
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 10/17/2006 3:08 PM (GMT -7)   
TheBrigsby said...
I'm twenty one, finishing off my degree in History and Meteorology.
That is a MAJOR achievement!  Congrats to you for all the time and work involved!
Sorry things are so tough right now; but glad to see you reaching out to others and also evaluating possible new medical/medication options.
Judy gave great comments on your original post.  She's right, too, about posting on the bipolar forum - lots of bright and compassionate people who have been there / done that and are willing to share their experience.
What does one do with a History/Meteorology degree?  cool
 

TheBrigsby
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 10/17/2006 11:54 PM (GMT -7)   
First of all thanks or your guys support. Yeah they diagnosed me as being bi polar and a combination of anti Depressants and mood stabilizers worked for awhile until i had a manic perod at which time they said to cut off the antidepressant... the thing is they weren't very clear on just when i should go back on it, how much all that so i've made appointments to get in there and get the story. I had a good day, but i hadn't gone to leep the night before due to some intense insomnia, so i'm feeling all out of sorts now. Regardless i think i bottomed out and now i'm on the upside. I will check out the bi polar forum, soudns liek a lot better place to get more specific information.

AS a side not what can one do with a History and MEterology degree??? Spend Four years writing essays and then getting a normal job.. hehehe so in other words nothing.

judyinky
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 254
   Posted 10/18/2006 1:10 AM (GMT -7)   
I see you're a night owl too. Here I am again after 4 am, but will soon be heading to bed. I'm glad to see your post and to get some insight into the doctor and medicaton situation. Anti depressants often trigger manic or hypomania episodes, but most people are on a mood stabilier for that reason and are taking off an antidepresssant, or the dosage lowered unitl that is past. At least it has been that way for me. I talke 20mg of lexapro with the lamictal, klonopin, and lithium because of the prednisone I have been on for an autoimmune illness. If I start to feel the manic stuff coming on, I recduce the dosage for a few days. there is a medication that a lot of people use called Wellbutrin that works very well for the depressive part of bipolar, also lamictal has proven to be very good for depression and bipolar.

Glad you checked in. I hope you get some rest tonight. It's good to know when you've hit the bottom and are looking up again.

Be Well,

Your friend in KY,

Judy
"Hope is seldom found in the things we can see;it is the sweet fragrance of grace."

             

 




wmnak
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1123
   Posted 10/18/2006 8:34 AM (GMT -7)   
TheBrigsby said...
what can one do with a History and MEterology degree??? Spend Four years writing essays and then getting a normal job.. hehehe so in other words nothing.
ROFL!  You, too??  Seems darned few of us actually use our education in our career ... but that piece of paper still opens all the important doors.  Just think of all the trivia questions you can answer when nobody else will have a clue, lol.  Time well spent.
 
It has taken my granddaughter almost 4 years to finish a 2 yr degree, and now she has decided she wants another 2 yr degree in another field.  I respect/admire your sticktoittiveness.
 
Glad you are feeling better ... please keep us posted.  :-)
 

CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 10/18/2006 3:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Brigsby,
 
So glad things today have been better -- but, I know, swings and roundabouts! I really hope this is the start of a better time for you.
 
You made me laugh too on the History and Meteorology thing -- but, wow, what a great combination! -- I didn't know you could do such interesting mixes! At least your CV will always be a conversation-starter -- and that's part-way to getting a good job!! :)
 
Well, you've now met Judy, Warren and myself -- all come over from the bp forum to meet you after lovely Judy gave us the heads-up that you were here! I reckon that means we've claimed you for the bp board now (ahahahahahaha -- evil laughter devil ).
 
Keep posting!
 
Rosie x
********************

People are not like fish: they do not work well battered.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded...

********************

 
Moderator, Bipolar Forum

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