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spayne
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 10/17/2006 9:23 AM (GMT -7)   
I typically post on the migrainer site, but need to post here too.  I have had chronic migraines that started 17 years ago with them getting the worse over the last couple of years since my brain surgery for a cavernous angioma.  I am currently in the hosptial 3-5 times a week with severe migraines, and despite medication, I cannot cope with the insanity and the pain.  This is all not mentioning that I have chronic daily headaches.  My pcp scripts all sorts of meds, and when the daily headaches couldn't be managed, he put me on a daily dose of Naproxin and anti-depressants.  The past three months, the migraine headaches have been almost daily and I've stopped having 'good days'.  I cannot stop thinking about killing myself, and came pretty close the other night - the problem is that having chronic migraines I have alot of very powerful meds, and the thought of taking 'just enough to end it' appeals to me these days more than it doesn't.  These headaches have seen the demise of two marriages and now the relationship of a life-time and I am getting sick of fighting.  I don't do anything all day but cry, and nothing is seeming to help.  I have started walking and running, but I cannot even stop crying while I am doing that.  I need the pain to stop, and for my mind to stop...and it seems that there is only one way of doing it.  I keep picturing my granfather welcoming me with open arms and actually pray every night that I won't wake up the next morning...and when I do I cry because I did.  I cannot hold a job, and migraines do not typically qualify for disability and don't know where to go or whom to turn to... I am contemplating checking myself in to a short term clinic, but I cannot overcome the fear of being turned down and being yet a faliure at another thing.  Help...I don't know what to do and I am on the brink of doing something that I really feel that I wouldn't regret...the thoughts would stop, and the pain would end...

bluemeanies
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2004
Total Posts : 1372
   Posted 10/17/2006 10:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Gosh, I'm sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. Pain can be so hard to deal with on a daily basis. Do you see a pain management doctor? Are you on anti-depressants? If so they may need to be changed or added to. I take two right now. It sounds like a clinic may be of some benefit to you, I checked myself in for a short stay a couple of years ago. I went to the Behavorial Health Center affiliated with a local hospital, and they do not turn down anyone. I hope you find some relief soon.

hopefulmigrainer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 10/17/2006 10:49 AM (GMT -7)   
Spayne, I just wanted to tell you that I will pray for you. I am in the same boat as you are right now. I posted a note recently about how badly I needed support too as I have having the same horrible thoughts. I don't know what to do. Since you are beginning to think about a "plan" please do check yourself into the clinic. Call your insurance company and ask them which places are covered. You know, I hate to hear that someone is suffering like this and Spayne, I do know how you feel. Sometimes just writing it out is helpful. I wish I could be of more help but I'm not the best person right now given that I'm feeling the same way that you are. I hope that others who are less depressed and have learned to cope will offer encouragement and advice.
K.
Talk2Kel 
DX: chronic migraine, cervical degeneration, depression/anxiety 
RX: Wellbutrin, Lexapro, Soma, Immitrex 
"You don't find out that God is all you've got until God is all you've got."

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