Fate, are we in control or not?

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wizzer120
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 71
   Posted 10/20/2006 11:34 AM (GMT -7)   

Does anyone believe that feeling negative and depressed can lead to actual negative things happening?

Having only truly admitted to myself that I have been suffering with depression a couple of weeks ago gives me little experience.  But it seems that since I did (and I am on meds) everything just seems to be getting worse.  Today tops it all off because I caused a three car crash on a main junction.  I’m not even totally sure it was my fault, but I just have to accept that if I were paying more attention, it wouldn’t have happened.  There just seems to be endless things happening, like there is someone out there that is determined that I will not be allowed to think positively.

 

So what do you think?  Am I over-reacting or do others experience this too?  Is it because I have now admitted that I have problems that everything just seems worse?

Joan M
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 1972
   Posted 10/20/2006 12:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Bad things happen to people with and without depression. For some reason (probably brain chemistry), we are more affected by bad events. No one on this planet is in control of everything in their lives. While this disease is a drag there is help out there.

Sorry for the accident but everybody (depressed and non-depressed) has moments when "they are not paying enough attention behind the wheel".

bluemeanies
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2004
Total Posts : 1372
   Posted 10/20/2006 12:42 PM (GMT -7)   
In my opinion thinking about negative/depressing things or being depressed does not cause bad stuff to happen. Depression may cause you to dwell on unplesant things but does not cause them. I hope you luck turns around soon.

hopefulmigrainer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 10/20/2006 5:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear Wizzer, I'm sorry to hear about your accident. It does seem that "everything happens at once" and when that happens to a depressed person it can cause us to lose hope, blame ourselves, etc. The short answer is I don't think depression causes bad things to happen but like one of the comments above, I think that when bad things happen to a depressed person it is worse. Think about the times when you were not depressed. A lot of the things that seem devastating seemed more like annoyances and problems to overcome. You are on the right path to acknowledge that you are depressed. That is the first step in healing. You are going to find out a lot about yourself through your depression if you talk to people, journal and see a counselor because I believe that it is not just chemical. Their is usually hurt and grief that might have never been processed and depresson is the way our souls tell us to pay attention. I like the saying "What you can feel, you can heal."
Talk2Kel 
DX: chronic migraine, cervical degeneration, depression/anxiety 
RX: Wellbutrin, Lexapro, Soma, Immitrex 
"You don't find out that God is all you've got until God is all you've got."


Sadsong
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 10/23/2006 12:59 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi wizzer -

I'm sorry to hear that you were involved in an accident.  Any accident, whether it's your fault or someone else's can be fightening as well as life threatening.  I hope you and all those involved are okay.

I have a slightly different take on the "do negative thoughts lead to negative consequences" question.  It seems to me, that when I'm in a good mood, I tend to be more out-going and people notice the smile on my face and are more willing to strike up a conversation with me, as compared to when I'm depressed and I have a scowl on my face, which tells folks to  "go away".  I also think that our own thoughts can sometime lead us to either make decisions or not make decisions.  I mean when I'm upbeat, I'm more willing to take calculated risks, whereas when I'm depressed I'm more likely to "talk myself out of doing anything" or start thinking that everything is my fault and nothing goes right.  The sort of "all or nothing approach". 

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is I do tend to think that our thoughts have the potential, at times, to lead to reactions that may not always be to our best advantage.  

Hope things start to look better for you!  :)

 

 

 

   

 


wizzer120
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 71
   Posted 10/23/2006 1:33 PM (GMT -7)   

hi all,

thanks for your comments, they are all totally valid.  I guess bad days just seem so much worse when extra things go wrong.  Although I have many 'down' days, sometimes you just get so down that you wallow in self pity.  Today is a good day, so I am trying to wallow in that too!

I spoke to someone today who is a pagan and one of their rituals is to write all the bad things that have happened in the year and then burn it on Halloween (their new years eve).  I might try this and hope for a new beginning!

Thanks again all - sometimes I just need reminding that life isn't all bad!

Hugs
Wizzer


slowlygoingcrazy
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 122
   Posted 10/23/2006 5:15 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm of two minds on this issue to be honest. I think there are scenarios where our actions, which are fuelled by our thoughts both negative and positive, can help contribute to an outcome. For example, my husband often assumes that my son is going to do something wrong or not do something or whatever, and I sometimes believe that the outcome satifies his assumption because my son figures there's no point, he's already assumed to be in the wrong. Or when one figures there's no chance of it working so therefore does not even attempt it. I am always one who figures it is better to ask and get turned down then to not ask and find out later, that it might have worked. I'm always trying to concoct ideas to improve things and work on things but the problem often arises where I have to rely on other people.

On the other hand there are things that are completely out of our control and that just happen. Some years, for example, seem worse than others because everything seems to go wrong. In fact in thinking about our own family history I can name a couple of those years 1996 - the year I got pregnant with my son - I was 18/19, my brother hit my sister with the car, it was a tough year financially for my dad's business and therefore the family, my grandfather died. 1999 - the year my mother-in-law was diagnosed with breast cancer and it was just a rough year in general for us as a new family. 2005 - the year my mother-in-law died and my husband lost his job. Those things were all out of our control. They were accidents. But on the other hand, there are good years too where things go well.

It's impossible to live life without things going wrong or accidents happening. But it's how we deal with the lower moments and down times that really help define us as people and who we are as individuals. And some do cope better than others.

So no we don't make bad things happen to us, they can just happen, but on the other hand self-defeating thoughts and actions can contribute to an outcome.

I hope that makes sense.

slowlygoingcrazy (P.S. I'm glad you find my advice helpful!)
 It would be easier to tell people I have cancer than it is to tell them I am severely depressed.....


stronglady4me
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 470
   Posted 10/27/2006 9:15 AM (GMT -7)   
wizzer120 said...

Does anyone believe that feeling negative and depressed can lead to actual negative things happening?

Having only truly admitted to myself that I have been suffering with depression a couple of weeks ago gives me little experience.  But it seems that since I did (and I am on meds) everything just seems to be getting worse.  Today tops it all off because I caused a three car crash on a main junction.  I’m not even totally sure it was my fault, but I just have to accept that if I were paying more attention, it wouldn’t have happened.  There just seems to be endless things happening, like there is someone out there that is determined that I will not be allowed to think positively.

 

So what do you think?  Am I over-reacting or do others experience this too?  Is it because I have now admitted that I have problems that everything just seems worse?
You are not over reacting, you feel what you feel and it is valid.  I am not a religious person but I do believe that the universe is unfolding the way it is supposed to.  I do believe in the power of positive visualization and the reverse of that is exactly what you are talking about.  Self-fulfilling prophecy can be a powerful element in our lives.  I am sure that you are not over reacting but you do have the power to change your life, we all do, I am sure of it. Admitting you have problems is the first step to making that change and I am so proud of you for getting there.  Perhaps the key lies in the way you perceive yourself for having these problems? 
 
You are not a bad person because you have depression or challenges.  Really take that notion in and let it settle for a while.  You are not a bad person because you have depression or challenges.
 
Are you in therapy?  It is an amazing experience and one that changed my life completely and helped me gain the skills I needed to change my life for the better.  We do have control over our lives but I also think it is important to be able to accept the things that we can not control.  The accident may or may not have been your responsibility.  If it was, take responsibility for it, if it wasn't don't accept responsibility where it does not exist.  None of us walk through this world alone, we all have an effect on each other in some way.  Asking for help does not make you weak.  In my book it makes us stronger.   I always try to think of things in terms of responsibility and not in terms of fault.  The word "fault" is a blaming word and blaming ourselves does not lead to positive outcomes. 
 
You've already taken positive steps forward, keep going. 
Stronglady4me
Walk in harmony


Joan M
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 1972
   Posted 10/27/2006 4:33 PM (GMT -7)   
I agree that past hurts have contributed to my depression because I have no family and that is hard to cope with. I also agree that therapy is mind expanding though it seems so slow at times.

I must advise anybody with depression to try to eat right and rest enough as when you are down on yourself you can compound the whole problem by not taking care of yourself.
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